to be get annoyed at being called Mrs..?

[bubbles22]

I have always kept my own name and so use Ms, although I am married.

This means I am Ms X, DH is Mr Y and my boys surname is Y too.

It always causes confusion and I am for ever being called Mrs X. This makes me sound like I am desperate to cling to a previous married name!

What do other ms's do when you get called Mrs? Do you ignore or correct? It sounds pedantic yet it feels really annoying. If I wanted to be a Mrs I would have become a Mrs Y.

AIBU to pick people up on it?

Sorry, I wasn't clear. You make the point that you like to be called Mrs as you have bad memories of small provincial outlooks to the unmarried or divorced.

I am talking hypothetically when I say 'what if' you were called by your own name but people called you Mrs. What do you think that implies? I am married but using Mrs when I have kept my own name implies something rather odd I think and just as you felt uncomfortable in your provincial community so do I.

I would rather they called me Miss then the very odd Mrs.

Clearly, if someone I didn't know said Mrs Smith rather than Ms Smith, that is not such an issue, it's just a little outdated. But Mrs Smith in the context of all children and father being called something else is a bit dim.

Judging by MN alone, clearly loads of women do use 'Ms'. I would love to know if anyone has statistics on how much it is used?

I wouldn't be surprised if 'Ms' is as common a title as 'Dr'.

I don't mind people calling me 'Mrs' because they've noticed I'm married and it's the most common title. I just assume they are a bit ignorant. But I am surprised so many people who know that married women can use the title (ie., not just divorcees and lesbians!) are still defending assuming every married women is a Mrs.

I can see how and why people would be irritated by others getting their 'title' wrong.
But....in the bigger picture...are there not more important things to be getting your knickers in a twist about?
Put them right if they get it wrong and get over it.
Why are they a bit 'ignorant'if they assume you are married....and you are married?

Perhaps they are being polite.

Why are they a bit 'ignorant'if they assume you are married....and you are married?

Well, marriage does not equal using the title Mrs. As this thread has clearly shown. It might be a common trait, but it's surely more polite to ask or if corrected use the preferred address thereafter. It's sort of to do with assumptions, really. Best to err on the side of respect/politeness if in doubt and all that.

moral, that's not what I said. I said I didn't mind someone calling me Mrs if they just assumed that's what all married women are called. My late granny would not have known that a married woman could (legally) use any other title: that's not rudeness, just ignorance.

What does surprise me is if people are aware they may be being rude, but carry on anyway - and make some kind of strange virtue out of it.

LoudRowdyDuck, it's a way of not-so-subtley telling you that they don't approve, isn't it?

H's old aunts do the same thing. Even though we're Ms X-Y and Mr X-Y, they still address everything to Mr and Mrs X. Despite being politely told by me (in person) and H (in person) that we've both changed to celebrate being a couple and new family unit. But they don't agree, they don't approve, and so it's a stupid way of communicating "we don't understand what you've done, we don't agree with it, and we won't respect it". I haven't said anything else really - the 1 time I raised it was because there was an issue with a cheque to pay back a loan to us. They'd made it out to Mrs X whilst I was there and I didn't notice... a lot of faff for nothing, I ended up having to go into the bank with the wedding certificate to get it paid in.

Anyway - yeah - i'm going offtopic. But the point is - if someone insists on calling you Mrs after a correction it's generally just them being rude.

I would never do that to someone else - if someone else wants to be called Mrs Whatever, that's up to them :) We should all have the choice and for that choice to be respected!

I think that there are bigger battles to be fought.
I think that being called Mrs is not a big deal(even if you are not married).
People are not usually being rude(deliberatley) when they use a title.
Get your knickers in a twist about something important.

It actually reminds me of what my mate finds: she is Catherine, and often people assume she is Katherine, or Katharine, or Kathryn. And that's fine if they don't know any better. But usually, people will say 'and how do you spell that?', because it's well known there are several spellings. And so, you don't assume it's the most common spelling, you ask.

If someone doesn't bother to ask her how she spells it, it is usually a sign of ignorance. If she's told them how she spells it and they keep using the other spelling, that's just rude.

Moral, what would you like me to get my knickers in a twist about? Please, do feel free to direct me, it is entirely your business.

Should I perhaps also retrain as a paramedic or a brain surgeon, while I'm about it? I would hate to be wasting my time on something you didn't imagine to be important.

I was born in Spain where you have two surnames, first your father's and then your mother's (although you can opt for the other way round) When you marry you keep your surnames. Handy, especially with divorces; why should a woman have different surnames throughout her life? First her father's, then her husband's and if she divorces as many new surnames as new husbands.

I grew up in Australia and married there, so for many years of my married life I was Mrs. ^[husband's surname[. As I had grown up in Australia this seemed normal, but since living back in Spain and recovering my surname I think this makes a lot more sense.
Men keep their surname throughout their life, why not women?

YABVU

I am a Dr but get called Mr all the time but I dont say anything.

People are not calling you Mrs to be rude.

Except, from this thread, obviously they are.

Beta, if you were at a conference full of colleagues, and someone called you 'Mr', would you honestly not be offended? If they indicated that they'd decided you didn't look like one of their peers and didn't deserve the title?

That's a fairer comparison I think, given some people use 'Mrs' not because they are simply unaware, but because they think they should never have to extend the same courtesy they get from others, to someone who chooses a different title.

I have been with my DP for 25 years.
It was MY choice not to marry.
We have a DD,DS1 and DS2.
I am confident enough in myself and in my relationship not to be upset if others make a mistake when referring to me by a title(Mrs,Ms,Miss or otherwise).
Grow up.

LouRowdyDuck that makes no sense at all.

Sorry,missed the 'd'....LoudRowdyDuck

For my closest female friends at work, other than first names we call each other 'Madame'. Covers a multitude of sins, bless les françaises!

LoudRowdyDuck - how on earth would I know anyones title unless I had been specifically told?

Fair enough, if someone tells me their title but am I supposed to go round working out who is Ms and who is Mrs? My wife is also Dr and she gets called Mrs all the time as well.

Can someone explain the significance of Ms, rather than Miss or Mrs?

(not being arsey, just don't understand it)

thanks

I think Mrs is married.
I think Ms could be married but may be single.
I think Miss is unmarried.

Moral, what doesn't make sense?

Beta - of course you wouldn't. That is precisely the point. You see, if someone assumes you have title X, and you use title Y, that might just be them not knowing, yes? As for example, I know plenty of people who honestly don't know that a married woman is allowed to use any title but 'Mrs'. That's not rude at all. And it's the same when you get your bill from the electricity company or whatever - of course, they've no reason to know you're 'Dr' nor 'Mr'.

The point is, in certain contexts, you can safely say that everyone is aware that 'Mr' or 'Mrs' aren't the only plausible titles.

get over it ..you can't expect people who don't know you from Adam to give a shit about your title ...they will presume or at least take a wild guess then apologise if you are lucky...

Mumcentreplus - you said it for me, except I might have used more bolding.

Who cares,why is it a problem?
People don't usually call you by the wrong 'title' on purpose.
Unless you've pissed them off.
And even then it's not a normal insult.