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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate it when people who can't or won't drive talk about "lift shares"

252 replies

soggy14 · 17/11/2010 14:18

I'm not talking about friends here who I may offer a lift to but various colleagues/acquaintances etc. who sign up to go somewhere/do something and then announce that they "don't drive" and so need a "lift share". I hate this. It not sharing when it is all give on one side and take on the other.

It seems that not being a driver for whatever reason somehow makes it okay for you to cadge off other people all the time and those of us who have bothered to learn to drive or who have prioritised buying a car are supposed to enjoy having someone else in the passenger seat.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 17/11/2010 14:20

Is it a problem if they contribute to petrol and you were going that way anyway?

Hammy02 · 17/11/2010 14:22

Some people can't afford to learn to drive/know they won't be able to buy a car so don't bother driving. As long as they pay their way petrol-wise, what's the problem?

Twilightfan1 · 17/11/2010 14:26

I think you are being slightly unreasonable. I have coleagues who do not drive and ive given them lifts to training courses, home and to work etc. One of my coleagues who does not drive can not afford to drive, have you seen the cost of driving lessons recently? but he is always grateful for any lifts he gets. Another of my coleaguse who I have given lifts to in the past, can now drive and has just brought herself a car and now gives me lifts when I don't have the use of my car, as we only have one car, my husband uses it more than I do as his need is greater.

jellybeans · 17/11/2010 14:28

YABU and abit selfish. I would always give someone a lift (If I knew them/got on with them) as I know what a pain it is without a car. I also agree with the above, it's often not just a case of simply not bothereing to drive. Some people are on medication, too nervous, can't afford it etc.

'It not sharing when it is all give on one side and take on the other.'

Well what can they possibly share? (other than petrol money)

saythatagain · 17/11/2010 14:38

I see where you are coming from soggy14. Dh has a guy at his work who doesn't drive and every day asks to be taken somewhere "if you're popping out mate" - it feely got him down - to the point where he told him no more. I do also see it from the pov of people who are unable to drive etc. I'm always very grateful if ever I'm in a situation where someone drives me....this seldom happens as I'm someone who appears to live 'out of the way'. Hence I drive alot.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/11/2010 14:39

I think perhaps the OP is just a bit hacked of by the way her colleagues are expressing themselves on this one (and I'd hazard a guess that it's one or two specific people she has in mind who hack her off more generally).

"Lift-sharing" implies reciprocity, e.g. I drive you this week, you drive me next week. Asking for a lift - or, I suspect from the OP, feeling entitled to a lift whenever - is different.

I didn't drive until I was nearly thirty, and was grateful for lifts offered me by workmates, but I would never have termed it a lift-share, it was a straightforward lift.

Original poster
soggy14 · 17/11/2010 14:42

how many people actually offer petrol money these days? I've given loads of people lifts and have never been offered. Also unless they live next door to me (we are out in the sticks) it is always out o fmy way - even an extra quarter of an hour adds half an hour to your trip - it ca nadd a whole hour to the time you spend in the car. The last one to ask knows that she is half an hour, in the wrong direction, from my house so would add an hour to each way - ie two hours to my driving time but still the request is "oh I'm near you so we can go together" etc.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 17/11/2010 14:43

YABU. The driver can always say no to a request for a lift. Last time I checked there was no law saying that drivers must share their cars.

scurryfunge · 17/11/2010 14:45

In Cuba, state-owned car drivers must offer a lift to someone at the roadside if they wave them down.

(boring fact of the day)

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/11/2010 14:51

"oh I'm near you so we can go together" - well, that's not asking for a lift, that taking it for granted that you won't say no.

You need to be more assertive, just tell her that she is not near and you do not wish to add so substantially to your drive - the resentment is doing you no favours.

theredhen · 17/11/2010 14:51

YANBU

It costs a lot of money to buy and run a car. It's all very well people saying that some people can't afford to buy a car etc., but then by giving someone a free lift, they are effectively pocketing the bus / train fare they would have had to paid, but (in my experience) aren't overly quick to offer that money to the driver.

I have a friend who chooses not to drive but will readily ask me for a lift for her or her children and rarely offers the petrol money.

I think some people need to remember that running a car costs money and it shouldn't be "expected" to have something for nothing.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 17/11/2010 14:53

YANBU I'd be annoyed at people who just assumed that I would give them a lift if I drove, I don't, in the circumstances you describe. Not only is it extra time but it's extra petrol too. The only exceptions I would make would be family because they've given me lifts in the past, although I've never expected them to and only if they were going my way.

You're going to have to learn to say no.

Original poster
soggy14 · 17/11/2010 14:54

I think that some of the posts here sum up why I am cross - why is it selfish not to give someone a lift? Wh is there this assumption that having someone in your car (when maybe you'd rather be alone, listening to the radio and/or concentrating on driving; not making small talk with someone that you do not particularly want to spend time with) is no trouble? most of the time my car is untidy and the passenger seat doubly so - so it does always put me out.

I learnt to drive when I was a student and had to chose between drivin glessons and heating. Even so I had to save up for each one so it took me years to have enough to pass. Then I got a scrap car and a Heynes manual and learnt to fix it and have (until very recently) driving and maintained bangers ever since. It is about priorities in most cases, not pure cost.

OP posts:
shongololo · 17/11/2010 14:57

"oh I'm near you so we can go together"

"OK....get to mine by 8pm, and don't forget to book a cab for the journey home ...i'll make sure you're back here at midnight - or you can get a cab direct from X location. "

It drives me mad too.....I got an mail yesterday from a mum to say would her DS be able to share a lift home from Cubs (event 30 minute drive away) - I said yes, if she could take them. Oh no, she already organised a lift there for him....

theredhen · 17/11/2010 14:59

Yes, soggy.

I know of people who have takeaways and meals out several times a week, holidays, lots of new clothes etc but then say they can't afford to drive.

I made the sacrifice of going without a lot of things to learn to drive and to run a car.

None of us want to be taken for granted do we?

BlingLoving · 17/11/2010 15:01

What really really annoys me is how DH indulges these people. Or those who don't drive because they want to drink (perfectly legit) but DH will drive 5 miles out of his way to give them a lift so they don't have to get a cab. That means 5 miles out of MY way too.

Shongololo - great name! haven't heard that word in ages!

scurryfunge · 17/11/2010 15:01

You are talking more about people taking advantage of you rather than lift sharing. If there is no extra mileage involved and someone contributes or takes turns with the journey, then it shouldn't make you cross. If people are taking the piss, then say no.

booyhoo · 17/11/2010 15:03

how does half an hour out of your way add up to two hours extra driving time? surely it is one hour?

saythatagain · 17/11/2010 15:05

I would never (and have never) begrudged giving a neighbour a lift. I have to admit feeling a tad Hmm, when in 5 years, never once has there been an offer of petrol money. This happened several years ago now..

saythatagain · 17/11/2010 15:05

had

Hammy02 · 17/11/2010 15:06

I agree with OP in that some people do take the mick. I wouldn't dream of asking for a lift if it added more than a few minutes to their journey time. Sorry OP for mis-reading your first post. Next time some-one asks for a lift just say 'Sorry, I have to be somewhere at x o'clock so can't spare the extra journey time'.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 17/11/2010 15:06

I would imagine the op would be expected to give her a lift home and she did say half an hour in the wrong direction. So that would be half an hour to pick her up, then an extra half hour driving to where they're going and then the same in reverse.

theredhen · 17/11/2010 15:07

Car driver (location 1)
Person wanting a lift (location 2)
End destination (location 3)

Location 1 to location 2 = 30 mins drive. 30 mins drive back to location 1, x amount of time to location 3.

Return journey;

Leave location 3, return to location 1 but then have to drive another 30 mins further to get to location 2.

Does that make sense? Confused

booyhoo · 17/11/2010 15:07

ah right. i thought she meant just a lift home from work.

BeenBeta · 17/11/2010 15:08

YANBU. I dont drive and would never lift share for that reason.

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