to hate it when people who can't or won't drive talk about "lift shares"

[soggy14]

I'm not talking about friends here who I may offer a lift to but various colleagues/acquaintances etc. who sign up to go somewhere/do something and then announce that they "don't drive" and so need a "lift share". I hate this. It not sharing when it is all give on one side and take on the other.

It seems that not being a driver for whatever reason somehow makes it okay for you to cadge off other people all the time and those of us who have bothered to learn to drive or who have prioritised buying a car are supposed to enjoy having someone else in the passenger seat.

[whatkatydidathome]

MillyR those roads are paid for out of my road tax :) but I don't mind subsidizing all those pedestrians and (uninsured) cyclists

[Appletrees]

No it's still a private space Milly. Bought and paid for. Unless you think I've got a right to sit on your handlebars.

[OmniaParatus]

I am a non-driver who also thinks YANBU.

If people are grasping and ungrateful about a lift and make you feel bad in your own car, you shouldn't have to give them a lift. I took lifts from a work colleague when pg as his mum (our boss!) would often TELL him to run me home . He didn't want to, I didn't want to, but we both felt we had no choice and instead of having a relaxed journey home we both had to make awkward small talk.(Petrol was paid by the company so I didn't offer to pay him for that).

Have you tried being more anti-social in your car? Stop to go to the library, shops, any little errant which will 'only take 5 minutes' and take ages. Sing loudly along to the radio, smoke copious amounts of fags, chew gum loudly, hum off-key. I bet they won't ask you any more .

[perfumedlife]

pigletmania I am not specifically talking about money for lifts (trying to figure where I am telling receivers of lifts how to thanks me) I am talking about in general, when it comes to paying a share and how some people get it so wrong.

A few years back a dear friend moved to England from Scotland and came to stay with us as her partner was running the Glasgow marathon. They called from the airport to ask if his colleague who was also running could crash at ours too. We only had one spare room but he was happy with the sofa. Dh picked them up at the airport, I got the brunch ready. We all went out for a bit, came home and I made dinner, supplied all wine/beers. Next day, marathon day, I made a huge breakfast. After the marathon they came back to hot baths and beers. I made a Sunday roast. The following day I couldn't face cooking and ordered chinese delivery. As it arrived, friends partner stands at the living room door, a long hall from the front door, and asks dh if you want any money toward that

Just what kind of offer is that? It's no offer, its grudged, its mean and its insulting. The decent thing is to insist on paying it, to walk up and hand the delivery driver the money. Instead he put dh in the position of having to say yes or no, and that is rude. Dh said nah, your fine. Friends partner was delighted and opened another beer. As we were driving them to the airport the next morning, he asked to stop at the petrol station. Came back to the car with a small bunch of forecourt flowers with the red reduced to two pound# sticker on.

That was his appreciation for all we did.

Mean, and they call the Scots mean.

If an offer of thanks isn't genuinely meant, its best left unsaid.

[soggy14]

The last one who forced me to "drop her at a more convinient mainline station on my way past" by asking me in front of my boss (petrol is claimable so I felt that I had to but just how many stations are there on the M4??? - it was half an hour off the motorway as peak city traffic) turned the heating down and the radio off without even asking!!!

[perfumedlife]

Milly I am struggling to see the logic of the car with empty seats causing inconvenience to cyclists/bus passengers

[whatkatydidathome]

if car drivers gave more people lifts then the bus companies would go out of business making life harder for non-drivers without friends

[OmniaParatus]

Soggy, I'd never dream of doing that in someone else's car .

Have you considered picking your nose? .

Or, I was on the bus the other day and the driver not only smoked a fag, blowing the smoke on my 20 month old daughter and my 5 months pg self, but broke every speed limit and braked too sharply. Then again, getting yourself banned is a rather extreme solution (though it would definitely work!)

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

OP, I do agree that there are some non-drivers that have a sense of entitlment about getting a lift. I think this is illustrated by the posts of some of the non-drivers on this thread.

I have had a couple of relevant experiences; the first was when I was in my early twenties and I worked with a girl who didn't drive, and who lived near to the town centre. One night after work I was going into town and offered her a lift home. She then started asking me for a lift home each night, despite the fact that it was quite a few miles out of my way and meant that I had to negotiate my way home through lots of rush-hour traffic in the one-way town centre. After a couple of weeks I grew a pair and told her that no, I was sorry but I couldn't give her a lift as it was extra distance and extra petrol each night, and she ended up getting very arsey and said I was being unfair because I was "lucky enough to have a car".

Also, my DH plays pool once a week with 5 teammates. 5 including my DH drive and one doesn't. They travel to various other towns and villages for matches. The non-driver is always very keen to remind people whose "turn" it is each week to drive, yet never takes a turn himself obviously, but nor does he offer any petrol money or buy his teammates any drinks. Or it wouldn't hurt really to maybe pay for an occasional taxi there and back. When there have been extra matches in the past he's phoned DH and said that DH has to give him a lift. There aren't any pleases or thank yous. And DH says when this bloke is in the car he starts fiddling with the seat recline constantly, and also with the heater, and moans if he doesn't like the radio station that's on.

As a driver I am generally happy to give someone a lift that needs one, but on my terms. If someone demanded that I gave them a lift or was rude or made assumptions I would tell them where to go.

[whatkatydidathome]

purfumed life - they really were taking the mick, especially with the reduced flowers

[NetworkGuy]

"I always offer other people lifts - all except her"

As a non-driver, can see exactly where you (and OP) are coming from.

Certainly OP may have got out of bed the wrong side, as non-drivers have all sorts of reasons, and it does seem that the non-drivers in her work environment are acting in a rude and ungrateful way if they consider they can demand a lift. As for the boss, it would be worth having a private word, as she has no right to suggest or imply a lift might be possible.

Also, it seems people are not asking politely or even seem grateful.

If I were the OP I would say that to "do your bit for the environment" you will be driving as little as possible from 2011, and that means you drive directly to and from work and that means anyone "expecting" a lift will be paying a carbon tax of a pound for every 10 minutes they add to your journey! Tell your boss, too... Make it 5 minutes if you drive fast!

Think that will stop them ?

[Serendippy]

YANBU. Some people cannot or do not drive for whatever reason, but some people make a car a priority and miss out on other things in order to run it. Giving regular lifts would get on my nerves as it is not just petrol money, I pay for the tax, insurance and upkeep of the car that they are using. If it is not out of your way, if they are polite and if you get something in return, it is fine. If not, it is taking the piss.

[soggy14]

Omnia maybe gettign banned is going too far but maybe saying that I'd been banned for driving like a lunitic and killing my last passenger would work

[pigletmania]

perfumedlife, that is taking the piss. I would have payed for the chineese, or bought some nice wine, choccies and flowers. As a compromise, we do arrange to have a meal out near me, and yes my friends do understand, they are very good friends, and understand when I cant always go out with them when they meet up in the evening where its more difficult to get there and back by public transport, and taxi is just waaaay to expensive.

[Rockbird]

Wow I never knew that cars were only dangerous inconvenient objects if they had empty seats in them. That's amazing, are cars magic? Or are you talking bollocks Milly?

I pay for my car, the insurance, the petrol, the congestion charge, the road tax and the general upkeep. If I want to drive for hours a day in joyous solitude in a zig zag pattern across the country then I will do so. When you start contributing to my car's upkeep and costs then you can have a say in how I use it.

[EightiesChick]

Agree with all the people saying it's about learning how to say no. YANBU. Use the broken record technique and repeat 'Sorry, no, I can't fit that into my timetable' or something similar.

[FrameyMcFrame]

Soggy, I totally agree with you.
I have a colleague who doesn't drive and expects lifts from all sorts of random places that are out of my way.
It is not only petrol but costing me extra in childcare as the time it takes to drop her off and pick up adds an hour to my journey sometimes.
I am also of the opinion that it's rude and presumptuous to ask for a lift when you know it really is inconvenient.

[QueenOfTheNight]

YANBU

I can but don't drive after being in a horrible road accident a few years back. I've never regained my confidence, despite refresher lessons, and the thought of driving brings me out in a cold sweat. I am insured on our car in case of emergencies but it would have to be one to get me behind the wheel. And no need to worry, I am a safe and competent driver according to the driving instructor. I just don't trust other road users or traffic lights. It's those that scare me not my own abilities.

But I have never asked or expected anyone else other than DP or DS to give me a lift. Unless however my journey is work related because all the cars my colleagues use are company vehicles, with allowable personal mileage, and they are expected to give lifts to colleagues going to the same meeting/workshop/conference etc to reduce costs. Working out who can give a lift to whoever to wherever is common place.

My DM however is a different matter. I'm off the hook now but she drives DP and DS bonkers with her 'could you just run me to Sainsbury's/the Garden Centre/the bottle bank/the farm shop?' and then when they do she wants to go to another half a dozen places as well.

[soggy14]

maybe it is different with company cars but the tax is so high now that they often cost more than a personal one - dh is entitled to a company car but it was cheaper to buy our own less posh car than to pay the tax on the company car.

[dignified]

I agree with the earlier poster who said about people offering petrol money instead of just giving it. Its not a genuine offer .

The other problem is that a one off lift can soon turn into an expectation. I would stop at the bus stop if i ever saw my workmate , no problem whatsoever , and i would drop him on the main road on the way home if he was at the bus stop on the way back . I then got a phone call one morning , he was running late , was there any chance i could pick him up from his house ?

And so it began , me being expected to chauffeur him from his doorstep to work . He would actually wait outside for me after work and presume he was coming home with me which i sometimes wasnt. And then there was , " can we just stop at asda , i need some milk " or " im going to my brothers in the next town tonight " . It became ridiculous and although i should have said something , it happens slowly and you dont even realise youve got yourself into a pattern / expectation until its happened .

Worse than that he would wind the window half down , it was loud and freezing and i had to constantly tell him to put the window up. If ever i had other people in the car he would always expect to sit in the front and adjust the seat .

I saved him over £100 a month in bus and train fares and not once did he ever offer anything . He was one of the people discussed who felt entitled to lifts , and i did become very resentfull . I booked half day off one day and told him so in the morning . His response was " Yes , dont wait around for me , just get off , ill ask so and so to pick me up ". !!

[zonkin]

Agree with what Rockbird said. I'll use my car as I like - I pay for it.

[soggy14]

I think that there is a deep down belief that as you have the car anyway, and are going there, then you are commited to the cost and so might as well take someone else without their feeling like they should contribute. However this does not take into account the fact that (a) the inconvinience and (b) the simple fact that you may just not want to sit next to them for the journey. I think that this is why people do not genuinely offer petrol money and why they assume entitlement.

[sugarray]

YANBU. I started a new job 18 months ago.I dropped my children to school one morning and whilst rushing off to get to work on time I noticed one girl i now work with walking and offered her a lift. Turns out our ds's go to the same school.Everyday since, she has been waiting beside my car when i come out of the school!!!!!! Then she started asking for lifts home, as it's 'on my way'.It's at least 10 mins out of my way, which is not alot, but every day 5 days a week for about 16 months all adds up, and thats without the ride in the morning! Never offerd a penny.
When she gets in she moans about the mess and at work has a little joke with the other girls about my 'skip on wheels'!
Sometimes I would like a nice relaxing ride to and/or from work. Now, I can't just say No!