to hate it when people who can't or won't drive talk about "lift shares"

[soggy14]

I'm not talking about friends here who I may offer a lift to but various colleagues/acquaintances etc. who sign up to go somewhere/do something and then announce that they "don't drive" and so need a "lift share". I hate this. It not sharing when it is all give on one side and take on the other.

It seems that not being a driver for whatever reason somehow makes it okay for you to cadge off other people all the time and those of us who have bothered to learn to drive or who have prioritised buying a car are supposed to enjoy having someone else in the passenger seat.

[ethelina]

YA a bit U really . There are many reasons people can't drive. My brother has epilepsy for one. It seems a little stingy to refuse a lift if you're going the same way. Only time you might NBU is if it's repeated regularly with no offer of petrol or other compensation. Then I agree with you.

[ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers]

Or if you're expected to go out of your way.

[2shoes]

yanbu
why should the driver foot the bill, if the other person can't afford to drive.
driving is bloody expensive and no one should expect a free ride.

[ethelina]

I can't remember a time when a lift I've given hasn't been compensated for by the offer of the first round of drinks or a little petrol money. I can't see the point of lots of cars arriving at the same place when 1 or 2 could do it easily. I'd much rather know someone had a safe lift home than worry about a getting a taxi.

[soggy14]

Thinking about it I think that there are 2 key problems (for me) is that many of the people asking me (including my boss who will say "oh she can go with you etc) is that they do not drive so do not understand how tiring it can be. I know that I can drive for about 2 1/2 hours, work for a day and drive home but I cannot do more. Having to pick someone up - even if just 15 mins away (and wait for them to get their act together etc) adds a good half an hour to each journey and so I get too tired coming back to feel safe. However when you are driving 100+ miles it seems off to tell someone that you cannot take them because they are 10 miles out of your way.

Secondly the rude prats then moan about my driving

[soggy14]

ethelina I don't mind if ti is social - friends do not take the p*ss and so will buy you a drink or drive the next time or invite you round for coffee etc. It is when it is work or school related and there is no pay back - just an assumption that I will not mind because it is no troube".

I also do no tmind if there is a medical reason but the last person who forced me to give her a lift (and it was forced on me - I did politely decline but she went on and on in a very public forum, droppin glarge hint after large hint) said that she and her husband had decided not to replace their second car because "it is always possible to get a lift if you need one"!

[MackerelOfFact]

I don't drive. I've spent upwards of £1000 on lessons and tests over the years, but decided to cut my losses last year after we had to downsize to a top floor flat with nowhere to park, even if I had by some miracle managed to pass my test. DP doesn't drive either.

I accept lifts when they're offered and convenient, but I feel a bit :( that some people would really rather have 5 seats to themselves than offer one to someone who is struggling to get to the same place they're going.

Maybe after 20-odd years of public transport I've got over the 'ewww there are POORS sitting next to me' horror and can't quite see the difficulty in sharing your front seat.

That said, I've never 'cadged' a lift. Only ever gratefully accepted them from the holy car-owning masses.

[ethelina]

Ah well then in those situations I agree it's a bit off. It's not so easy to tell your work colleague or boss No, but I would have no problem telling someone who admitted they deliberately stopped driving for the reasons you mentioned to piss off.

[soggy14]

....but I feel a bit that some people would really rather have 5 seats to themselves than offer one to someone who is struggling to get to the same place they're going....<

I guess that this is an example of what I mean. I've paid for those 5 seats and I'm putting the effort into driving/maintaining the car so why should I be in any way obliged to give anyone a lift? It should be something that is in my gift to offer to do (and I usually do offer). Why do people feel that they have some God given right to ask and claim that it will be "no trouble" for me?

Does eveyone one with a spare room (we haven't got one having spent the money on running a car ) feel obliged to offer it to a homeless person for the night?

[Rockbird]

I don't really give a toss about time or petrol money but I do give a toss about the 2.5 hours a day in the car that I get to myself. I think, listen to the radio, talk to myself or sing at the top of my voice to bad music. No way would I give that up for anyone.

[whatkatydidathome]

ditto Rockbird :)

[donkeyderby]

YANB entirely U. I have an acquaintance who often demands lifts in the most abrupt way - 'I'll need a lift to that of course', or 'who can give me a lift?'. I rarely hear the word please and she never offers petrol money. On top of that, she and her husband are always crowing on about how environmentally friendly they are because they don't have a car. Actually, they are fucking tight and that's why they don't have a car, and they are well-off.

However, I always offer other people lifts - all except her

[PamelaFlitton]

YANBU some people really take the piss.

I have quite a few friends who could easily learn to drive in terms of affording it/no medical conditions but don't because they live in town and can't be arsed. They do just expect to be given lifts as if you're their mother or something. People barely ever offer to recompense you in any way, and you'd feel like a noob asking them for a pound or whatever, but it does add up. You usually have to go out of your way to give someone a lift as well.

[whatdoiknowanyway]

There are lift sharing websites which put together people travelling inthe same direction to work so they can share cars and thus save fuel. We looked into this when DHs health meant he couldn't drive and he had no other way of getting to work. The deal would have been that they shared the car, someone else drove and he contributed to running costs. No apologies for seeking that kind of lift share or he couldn't have continued in his job.

What OP's collleagues are talking about are lifts - pure and simple. No sharing involved if they are not making any contribution to costs. Which would annoy me too.

[zookeeper]

YANBU at all - I love my time alone in my car - it's the only time I get to myself. If that's selfish then I'm happy to be selfish.

[trixie123]

how about this scenario - when DP and I got together he didn't drive having failed a couple of tests at 17 he had just not bothered but once we were together it became obvious that we would always go places in the car with me driving so at that point he made a determined effort to learn and did so so that it would not always be down to me. We have friends in exactly the same position except that he is NOT learning to drive just because he doesn't really want to and therefore his poor GF always has to drive, not drink etc. Its not always about the money issue - there is a consideration for others factor involved.

[ENormaSnob]

Yanbu

[create]

I have 2 tales to tell!

My Gran, towards the end of her life was an elderly widow with mobility problems, but she could drive. Among her peers this made her very popular for lifts and she had a very busy social calendar. She was very aware that some of those people only invited her so she would drive, but she considered it a good trade off for the company and the day out. Most would buy her lunch or similar as a thank you.

MIL also drives. In her social group this is unusual for a woman and she also has friends who would like/expect her to drive. She has taken exception to being "used" like this and has started refusing, meaning that she is now lonely, bored and miserable.

I would explain the moral, but you get the idea

[pigletmania]

YABU and selfish, good thing your not my friend. I dont drive, I have tried but but have failed numerous tests. At the moment i am a STAHM so cannot afford to, and feeding and clothing my dd are a priority not running a car. I dont expect lifts from people, but if i do get a lift I am very greatful and do offer petrol money. Not all non drivers dont drive because they are lazy, some cant because of illness or disability or simply they just arent cut out for driving, and they cant afford it.

[3rdnparty]

OP -that situation is a real pain I dont mind driving but don't like being imposed on rather than offering iyswim... only thing could suggest is the 'I need to be somewhere by x time' suggestion so maybe they could taxi to yours for when you want to leave.. and do it often enough they may get the hint

I am not an early riser so would annoy me to keep having to get up earlier if nothing else think your boss is taking the mick if assigning lifts ! unless its part of your jd or contract

[wouldliketoknow]

you are being a bit of a cow if i may say so. i don't drive, i tried but i find it difficult to pass the exam, got my own excuses but won't bore you with that. i really appreciate a drive, especially when i was pregnant in winter and rained, no bus possibility so had to leg it, nice colleague offered a lift daily, would not take any payment whatsoever, i bought her a nice gift for christmas.

if you think you are being used or it isn't fair, ask them to contribute to petrol, they are saving time, money or both, nobody should have a problem with that. dh used to drive a colleague from work home, not exactly in his route btw, he gave him a tenner every now and them, another friend drives people home from work as far it is in the same general direction, charges £5 a week to help with the petrol, much cheaper than the bus and choeffeur included.

just say somerething like if this is going to be in regular basis, would you mind helping me a bit with the cost of petrol?

[AliGrylls]

When I didn't drive (up until 2 years ago) I would never have expected people to chauffeur me around and if I knew I would not be able to get back from somewhere I just wouldn't have gone.

I do think it is unfair to expect people to give you a lift even if you live close by.

[JinnyS]

A car isn't just a means of transport it's a very personal extension of your private space. If you choose to invite people to share that space for a lift then that is fine. If you are forced to give someone a lift then it does feel like an imposition.

It isn't just about the petrol money.