to hate it when people who can't or won't drive talk about "lift shares"

[soggy14]

I'm not talking about friends here who I may offer a lift to but various colleagues/acquaintances etc. who sign up to go somewhere/do something and then announce that they "don't drive" and so need a "lift share". I hate this. It not sharing when it is all give on one side and take on the other.

It seems that not being a driver for whatever reason somehow makes it okay for you to cadge off other people all the time and those of us who have bothered to learn to drive or who have prioritised buying a car are supposed to enjoy having someone else in the passenger seat.

[cakewench]

I don't drive in this country (yet- am taking a few lessons before taking the UK road test. I do have a license in the US) but I still think YANBU. Regular lifts, like going to/from work every single day, are an inconvenience to the driver. If I were in the position to need such a favour regularly, I would honestly find a way to get to and from that person's house and add that into my journey plans. I would not assume they could come pick me up all the time, unless I was literally on the way to work for them. By 'on the way' I mean on the exact road, bar perhaps being over a street or so. I certainly would not ask someone to go a half hour out of their way to get me every day! It all adds up.

I do have the odd night out that I need a lift for, and I usually buy a drink or whatever for whomever picked me up.

[TarheelMama]

OP - YANBU. If someone is asking for a lift that adds two hours to your day, that's not 'no trouble' for you. That's a big chunk of time. I think you should stand your ground.

[pigletmania]

I would never force anyone to give me a lift, if they offer thats great and will give them petrol money or buy them a drink or meal. If a group of friends were going out and nobody could give me a lift and it was difficult for me to get to, than i just would not go, or try to organise something nearer to me. I would hate to have a lift off someone who felt forced into doing it, would rather not go, except dh of course who i do force to give me lifts if its difficult for me to use public transport.

[ENormaSnob]

Wouldliketoknow, I fail to see how the op is a cow for not wishing to go out of her way for someone who expects a lift

[pigletmania]

My work collegue used to give me a lift everyday, but only because she was passing my house and she suggested it and insisted not me. I would never every suggested to her. I bought her vouchers when I left to have dd.

[catinthehat2]

"you are being a bit of a cow if i may say so"

That's plain rude wouldliketoknow.

I hope it's accidental.

[soggy14]

create - if people only liked me because I offered lifts then I would have the option of doing so but would prefer to find some nicer people :)

pigletmania and wouldliketoknow - I think that it is exactly this attitude which annoys me - the assumption that I should be somehow obliged to offer a lift. I do offer plenty of lifts (as I have explained) but prfer to be allowed to offer not be obliged by people who somehow think that being a non-driver gives then the right to be chauffeured around by someone else who calls me a "cow" simply because I'd rather people did no tassume that I was happy to drive them. Why should I have to ask people to contribute to the petrol? Surely they should offer in a way which makes it easy for me to accept?

[wouldliketoknow]

i didn't read the whole thread before, maybe i am not in a good mood today.


let's choose words carefully, it is unfair to assume that those who don't drive do so out of laziness and could get a licence if they wanted.
it is possible to reach an agreement to be compensated for your inconvenience, you save a little in petrol money, the other person gets a lift.
there are circunstances when it is nice to have a lift, no public transport available,...
it's a car, i loved mine, dh drives it, but it's a car, just a thing, big and expensive, but a thing nonetheless.
if you don't want to, just say no, but...i fail to see how that is nice of you.

not aimed at anyone in particular.

[pigletmania]

Eer soggy its not that you dont like giving lifts per se its your perogative, thank goodness i have lovely friends around me who are nice enough to offer, though I dont begrudge those who dont. I said in my post i dont expect lifts, if people offer than that great. Its your assumption that everyone can drive, and should drive, and if they dont they are lazy and selfish , which is not the case. There are a variety of reasons why people dont drive, its very narrow to think that they are lazy and cant be bothered.

[pigletmania]

I only expect dh to chauffer me about he he though its hit and miss depending on how he feels like on the day and how busy he is. Well in turn i look after our dd, cook, clean and provide good bedroom activity

[Desiderata]

I've never driven a car, but I've never asked for a lift, either.

Over the years, I've deliberately hung back at functions, etc., so that I can get a taxi without anyone feeling obliged to drive me.

That said, if I am ever offered a lift to an out of the way place, I always give money. I won't take no for an answer.

So yes, I agree with the OP.

[wouldliketoknow]

soggy, certainly, they should offer petrol money, and a gift time to time wouldn't be a miss either, imo, depends on the circunstances to feel obliged, can they get there any other way? will it be dreadful if they had to?
i had my own cow, lives 35 seconds away from me, no public transport from office to home, winter, raining, pregnant, not even once she offered a lift, i never asked, but certainly consider her a cow.another one drives my neightbour home, wouldn't take me...so you can imagine... other colleague, went out of her way to give me a lift would not accept a penny, so bought her presents instead.
people behave in all sorts of ways, but i always try to be nice to those considerate with me.

[trixie123]

Pigletmania presumably you would still do all of those things even if you did drive though? I think "expecting" to be chauffered about is pretty off and would piss me off royally even if it was my DP doing the expecting. Weird how we are often the most inconsiderate to those closest to us.. (sorry, random thought not really connected to this)

[create]

soggy, I think that's a bit idealistic TBH. Everyone who wants to spend time with you has their reasons (and you yours for wanting to spend time with them)

It might be that you make them laugh or that you're a great cook, or a sympathetic ear, or a mixture of those and many other things, but they will always "expect" something from the time they spend with you, or they'd stay in front to the telly.

My Gran was popular for a lot of reasons and she was sensible enough to know that if you do a favour for someone, you get it back in different ways.

[ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers]

But why should anyone be obligated to give anyone a lift?

I don't drive and certainly don't expect anyone to give me a lift. It's my responsibility to make sure I can get where I'm going by public transport, even when the weather is bad. For some people the time in the car is the only time they get alone all day. That 'alone time' can be sanity saving.

In an example that the op gives one person expects her to add two hours driving onto her journey.

[wouldliketoknow]

well, two hours extra time is too much asking.

[soggy14]

I'm not sure where I said that people were "too lazy" to learn to drive. pigletmania and would... I have no problem with offering lifts and do so frequently. What I have a problem with is the assumption that I will be happy to provide a lift simply because I am driving.

Saying that a car is just a thing is a bit like saying that a house is just a house. It is not about the car it is (as JinnyS said) about the personal space. Maybe this is what non-drivers do not understand? How about this analogy - someone tht I had only met once through work recently asked me (publically in front of lots of people and quite forcefully) for a lift on a 2 1/2 hour drive. She felt able to do this but would she have said "oh there is a TV programme on for a couple of hours tonight and I do not have a TV so I'll pop round to yours and watch it". How is that different?

[wouldliketoknow]

that someone is unreasonable, should ask you discretly and offer compensation, explain why she/he really needs it and take no for an answer should you give it.

[pigletmania]

Yes I would trixie I was being tounge in cheek. In certain situations i would expect dh to give me a lift and he would as he would want to help me anyway he could, he does not want me to learn as he is concerned that my driving would be really bad and might have an accident. If there were no buses running or in the evening, or if out with dd and her paraphanailia. Of course if he was not able I would get the bus in the day, or get a taxi in the evening which dh would pay for.

[pigletmania]

Soggy your work collegue is how rude, I would have said no.

[pigletmania]

Would love to learn though once dd starts school and i can get a job. I think that i would be better than dh thinks

[ENormaSnob]

Maybe "your cow" just didn't like you wouldliketoknow.

[soggy14]

wouldliketoknow - I notice that you list all the things about you that you feel should have obligated your neighbour to take on the role of your chauffeur; rather than listing things which you had done for her that you felt would have made her want to help you in return. Maybe this explains why she didn't Maybe a list will be forthcoming now :) but my point stands - seeing it all initially from your own point of view - "I don't drive so the world owes me a lift".

[pigletmania]

I was lucky that my work collegue offered to give me a lift there and back every day, never ever expected or asked her to. i was getting to work and back easily by walking and sometimes bus. Of course I tried to show my appreciation, gave her Boots vouchers and my fairly new Radley bag.

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

I didnt learn to drive till I was 36 so spent years as a pedestrian. Used to do all my shopping with the kids on the bus, piling stuff on the buggy etc.

So now I am happy to offer lifts to non drivers. I remember what a hassle some things were before I could drive.

My best mate can drive but she HATES it so I always drive us. That could be annoying but she has done a lot for me and is an amazing friend so I am happy to do it.

However, I have a colleague who also hates driving so she always expects me to do it. We visit people in their homes so there is a lot of too ing and fro ing, trying to find parking (in London) and general faffing about.
I find this annoying. Its a part of our job to drive so she should take her turn.