For not wanting my husbands pregnant girlfriend to meet our children yet?

[armywife1]

My husband left me on 31 May this year telling me he needed time to consider our future together. On 27 June he told me our marriage was over and on 2 July concieved a baby with a woman with whom he claimed he slept with for the first time. Needless to say we are now going through a divorce. However my husband is pushing hard for our children to meet his new woman, before the child is born in March. Our children are 4 and 2 and we will be moving house on 31 March next year. Am I being unreasonable requesting that he waits until the children are settled in their new home, school and nursery before they meet his new partner and their child? I feel bullied by a man and his new partner who clearly feels she needs to meet his children. In less than 6 months my children have had to accept that their father has left home and now he wants them to meet his partner and get excited about a new half sibbling.

YANBU imo as they have/are going through enough changes as it is right now, nd at such young ages. but I expect someone will be along soon to say otherwise.

YANBU to be hurt and upset at the way he has treated you.

But, if I were you, I would get it over with sooner rather than later. It won't make what he has done better, but once they have met her then you can stop worrying about it.

yanbu! personally if this had happened to me I would be making sure that this would be the last dc my ex would have(as would cut them off!). Dont be bullied by the pair of them-they have no moral high ground whatsoever(he slept with her the 1st time and bang she fell preg-).
Have you sought legal advice?. If not then please do so asap.All the best.

Awful situation for you, but I personally think it would be better for them to get to know this woman before the baby arrives. Meeting Dad's new girlfriend including new sibling for the first time could be pretty overwhelming. If this woman is around to stay, perhaps the sooner they meet her the better? There's probably no "good" time for it to happen.

Your ex is a shit btw.

Oh that all sounds awful. They're so young and it's all so much to take in. Don't have any specific advice though, I'm sure others will be able to advise better

I think maybe it would be easier for your children to adapt to having new sibling if they feel included in things. That perhaps means meeting his gf while she is pregnant, getting to know her before she is completely taken up with the new baby, and then meeting their sibling early on. Your ex may really be trying to do the right thing by the children (although he has been an utter git to you). And tbh I think that is a lot better than those dads who abandon their kids when they have a new family...

i think it would be better in the long run for the children to meet this women, but it would be in a public place

I can totally see why you want this not to happen but...

They do have to meet her at some point and it is probably better that they try and get used to her before new baby arrives. It will be just too much after the event to say "he is your new stepmummy and your new sibling"

He sounds like a right moron though. Congratulations on getting a divorce from him. Hard cheese to the poor cow lumped with him now.

And I agree with Pjmama, your ex is a shit, Armywife. And I could think of some other nasty names for him.

*here is your new stepmummy....

I know this is really horrible and hurtful for you, but your DCs will be fine with it if you will let them be - DCs always like having new DCs, and it would be entirely wrong to get in the way of the relationship between your DCs and their new sibling (all of whom, you must agree, are innocent parties in all this and deserve to have their interests put first).

What an awful situation for you all. YANBU to not want to rush your children into meeting this new woman.

She and your husband haven't been together very long so normally I'd say it's fine wait a while and see if the relationship's serious but, as she's having a baby, this is going to last longer than a fling.

How do you feel about meeting her? Somewhere neutral like a coffee shop perhaps? I don't think it's unreasonable to want to get to know someone who's going to be in your childrens lives in the future. She may be perfectly lovely and it's not her fault that your husband has behaved appallingly. She very probably has it all to come!

YANBU! You have until March after all - that's months away! Your poor kids are just getting used to not having their dad around - and now he is already having another child with this stranger - he should be focusing on making sure his existing kids don't feel rejected before introducing his new one!

She/he just want to do this to justify their shocking behaviour. Tell them he can see them but she'll have to wait before she can start playing happy stepmother. They should at least be able to spend this xmas being the centre of their dad's attention to make up for his abandonment of them, before they have to cope with teh fact that they will have a newbrother or sister whose mother they barely even know. x

Unfortunately she isn't remotely interested in meeting me which I don't think bodes well at all.

I think pjmama summed it up nicely, especially the last bit.

Don't worry about that, armywife - the fact that she is not interested in you does not mean for a second that she won't take good care of your DCs when they are with their father.

YANBU
your job is to protect yourself and your children from this complete tosser!
What an a*!
What amazes me about these horrible stories is the other woman! What on earth would make her firstly get involved with a man like this and then get pregnant???how long before that relationship isn't working and he leaves?!
I hope you are being supported x

YANBU - he is a tosser.

But my parents split/divorced when I was 2-3 years old and my Dad married his mistress. I had no idea what was "normal" or "different" and merrily met my stepmum and dad with no problem.

Applehead - you have really cheered me up!! I completely agree with you - what sort of woman gets involved with a married one or, as I'm led to believe, one whose marriage ended 4 days before! How many 35 year old women don't know when they are likely to get pregant unless that was part of their game plan? I hope she has a nasty fall and gets what she deserves but in the meantime, I really don't want my children to be unnecessarily hurt or damaged. They are so precious and I'd protect them with my life to ensure they don't suffer life long damage as a result of my husband's lust.

'I hope she has a nasty fall and get what she deserves'

Blimey, that really is a lot to have to deal with in a short space of time.

I'm trying to look at it from how the children will deal with it.

Would it be better for them to meet her before the baby is born? would it be even more to deal with to have to meet her and their new sibling all at once?

Dad - "So kids this is my partner, and by the way that cute little bundle is your baby sister/brother".

Or

At their ages would this be something that they could easily accept, I know that many things we worry about are often water off a duck's back to young children and before long they will not remember a time when the didn't know her or their new sibling.

Just a thought.

You're wishing this woman would fall and miscarry? If you were as selfish and vindictive as you sound during your marriage, it's maybe not surprising that your H moved on to someone else.

OP your husbands behaviour has been appalling but to wish her a miscarriage? thats evil. :(