For not wanting my husbands pregnant girlfriend to meet our children yet?

[armywife1]

My husband left me on 31 May this year telling me he needed time to consider our future together. On 27 June he told me our marriage was over and on 2 July concieved a baby with a woman with whom he claimed he slept with for the first time. Needless to say we are now going through a divorce. However my husband is pushing hard for our children to meet his new woman, before the child is born in March. Our children are 4 and 2 and we will be moving house on 31 March next year. Am I being unreasonable requesting that he waits until the children are settled in their new home, school and nursery before they meet his new partner and their child? I feel bullied by a man and his new partner who clearly feels she needs to meet his children. In less than 6 months my children have had to accept that their father has left home and now he wants them to meet his partner and get excited about a new half sibbling.

Personally, when there are children involved, I think that unless both parties are agreed that they want a divorce, mediation and/or counselling should be mandatory before divorce proceedings can be set in motion. It's too easy for selfish parents to just think "this doesn't suit me any more, I'm off!" without having to put any effort into seeing if the relationship can be fixed first.

Mathanxiety, you've assumed an awful lot about what happens in my relationship with my son there.

DS's Dad rings him, makes arrangements with him. The only way for me to prevent that is to prevent DS giving his Dad his phone number, which I do not want to do. DS's Dad gives him the excuses as to why he can't visit him and Ds's disappointment is obvious ans we discuss it. However, my options are, to back up what his father is saying and just tell him that he is busy with work as he needs the money etc and let DS realise for himself when he is older or say 'actually, your father is a complete twat who cares about no-one but himself and probably only sees you at all because his Mum encourages him to do so'.

There's no problem at all, and I resent you assuming so because I am able to act in a reasonable manner. DS is a bright, outgoing and confident boy and well able to express his feelings, and discuss things.

I think AIBU is pretty pointless most of the time. People can't answer based on facts because there aren't any, there is one person's side of the story told in a few paragraphs.

So posters tend to base their replys on their own experience, with a lot of possibly and probably's thrown in.

If I was writing an essay, my tutor would be saying
' where is the evidence?'

I think that is why they become a bunfight.

"Unfortunately the ex is an equal parent and I don't think that he can be stopped from proceeding when he is ready."

Well Pisces, I am not really talking about stopping him from doing anything, more about deciding for herself the time frame she wants to do things in and not being pressured.

I think her EX has effectively abdicated his right to be seen as an equal parent.

You have more than two options, Midori (and I appreciate this is a horrible situation) -- you could ask him how he feels and not try to make it feel better by reiterating the phony excuses. Or you could prompt your DS to tell his dad how he feels about being let down, maybe even have the DS ask his dad to make up his mind whether he really wants to see him or not. Who is benefitting from the present situation? What is the cost and who is paying it?

Right, so if a child misses their father, thinks it's weird and upsetting that he no longer lives in their house, doesn't like the fact that he has replaced their Mammy with a new woman, is discommoded by the arrival of a new half-sibling with a virtual stranger THAT is because adults have perverted their childhood innocence.

But if anyone says anything negative about their useless shitbag of a father they will be permanently damaged because of their understanding of genetics?

What a load of of self-serving old shite

I obviously believe my son is benefitting from the current situation. I clearly haven't done that bad a job or my son wouldn't be the absolutely wonderful young man he is.

His Dad seeing him has nothing to do with cost, that is an excuse.

'I think her EX has effectively abdicated his right to be seen as an equal parent.

Who is the judge? He isn't behaving well but they have to find a way of getting on and not letting the DCs know this.It is their problem-it is not the DCs problem.

Anyone else here slightly worried that we seem to have scared off the PO? Anyone heard from her privately? Not meaning to pry, just worried if she's ok? Well, obviously not ok exactly but... (ramble,ramble)

Thinking of you, Armywife x

I hope it all goes well-I can understand how upsetting it is-I hope that she finds a way forward.

Spidookly, great post.

Midori -- I was thinking in terms of the hidden toll on your DS, not money. I feel really sorry for your DS in this situation, and hats off to you because I can see you are a real rock for him. Shame on his dad for being so unreliable.

yes, you are being unreasonable! I'm a mother and step mom and i had to get a court order to see my step daughter. I had already been married for 1/2 year before I met her and in the courts opinion it is unreasonable. would you not introduce a boyfriend you were serious about and just say if you were carrying another man's baby. would you keep that man out of your kids like would you not try to get your kids excited about a new sibbling if the shoe was on the other foot?

Schnauzer you probably haven't even read this thread. It's dated NOVEMBER '10.

And in the OP today is named as the date they move home. You've missed the boat.