For not wanting my husbands pregnant girlfriend to meet our children yet?

[armywife1]

My husband left me on 31 May this year telling me he needed time to consider our future together. On 27 June he told me our marriage was over and on 2 July concieved a baby with a woman with whom he claimed he slept with for the first time. Needless to say we are now going through a divorce. However my husband is pushing hard for our children to meet his new woman, before the child is born in March. Our children are 4 and 2 and we will be moving house on 31 March next year. Am I being unreasonable requesting that he waits until the children are settled in their new home, school and nursery before they meet his new partner and their child? I feel bullied by a man and his new partner who clearly feels she needs to meet his children. In less than 6 months my children have had to accept that their father has left home and now he wants them to meet his partner and get excited about a new half sibbling.

Because anything could happen, illness, accident, change in routine etc. For the sake of the kids these women need to, eventually, establish some kind of civil, if rudimentary and superficial, relationship!

That doesn't sound likely, from the OPs posts, though, does it?

Of course I CAN understand why the OW doesn't want to meet the OP. I must have mis-judged her, she obviously isn't TOTALLY without conscience.

TLD Not at the moment, obviously and understandably but her wound is still raw, she still has to move house and find her feet as a single mum. A couple of years down the line things will be easier for her AND for the DC but only if the arsehole H and the OW proceed sensitively in the next few months until the OP has had some opportunity to "re-group". If they proceed with their bullying tactics the OP may only become more emotionally unstable which WON'T help the DC. As I said they (H and OW) have much to rejoice in together and can afford to be charitable and allow the OP to some space and time to adjust. As long as the situation IS seen to be moving forward and the father is maintaining regular contact with the DC in the meantime. Remember she only says she wants to wait until after the house move not that she refuses to meet the OW or to do anything to try and prevent the DCs doing so, it's just that she feels bereaved and needs some space and she's NBU. They were the ones who behaved irresponsibly regarding the existing DC. No REALLY caring father would rush headlong into producing a child with another woman inside a year of leaving his relationship with his DC's mother.

I agree with you.

And here's a highball, it MIGHT actually be easier for the DC if they meet the new baby first with their father and then introduce the OW. The new baby will be their half-sibling the OW is just their dad's girlfriend, not their relative at all.

I doubt he'll be that forward thinking though.

Ignore the airy fairy right-on 'I'm so PC and modern ' liberals
Your ex H has behaved appallingly (getting another woman pregnant while he's still married, for example)
But because you are a forgiving person, you could allow him to see his children

Your children have nothing whatsoever to do with this new woman

I doubt it too! Or that he will be forward thinking enough to continue spending some time with his existing DC WITHOUT the baby and the OW after the birth. After all, he will be living with the new baby and he/she will have the luxury of "daddy time" without the half-siblings. It could be important to them that have the same sometimes. However, it sounds to me that the OW is just anxious to play "happy families" without either being excluded from anything or having to deal with someone she'd rather not have in the picture.

Sakura, who's being airy fairy?

And what's wrong with PC? Or are you one of those who thinks it should be ok for you to offend who you want, when you want with no recourse?

The Ex is an arsehole, he didn't even forward plan enough to put a condom on.

Eh?
No, I don't think I have the right to offend anyone at all. Just don'T think anyone needs to suck up to this man and his pregnant girlfriend

I just read loads of posts along the lines of 'you're going to have to be friends with this woman one day' and blah blah

How is that PC, then?

I wouldn't be friends with her, myself, but then I wouldn't be friends with him either. Fuck them both, I say. But I agree with thelibster, that OP will at least need to maintain a civil relationship for the children, if no-one else.

And no more wishing OW falls down and has a miscarriage.

Sakura, sadly for the OP, the OW will be the mother of the DC half sibling therefore she WILL have more than something to do with them. AND the children do not belong to the OP and they have a right to a relationship with their father and their half sibling. However much the OP might wish differently at the moment, it's not about her allowing anything. The H indeed has behaved appallingly and I don't think she is BU for asking for more time or for being put out that the woman who will be, from now on, co-parenting her DC along with her H is seemingly refusing to meet her. Somehow a way has to be found to move forward and, given the circumstances, I think the priority should be given to the emotional needs of all those involved in the following order: DC/new baby, OP, H/OW.

This thread is acronym city.

TLD I think we've already established that that wasn't what the OP actually meant and even if she had that fleeting thought, given her state of mind atm, we shouldn't dwell on it. Cut her some slack and anyone who has NEVER, momentarily, fantasized that something horrible would happen to someone who has hurt us terribly, should either thank their god that they have never been so wounded or pass their halo over here, I have polish and rag at the ready!

thelibster,
I think the father has pissed on his family in the most appalling way, and that should be taken into consideration when considering how good he is for his children.
Remember, he's abandoned them, so for him, parenting is a one-way street. In his eyes, he owes his children nothing, which is why he got another woman pregnant while he was still married to their.

I also think that the emotional needs of the OW are irrelevant to the OP

still married to their mother

Hi armygirl

Oh my I can't believe some of these posters at all gosh they don't have a clue. I hope none of the negative ones don't ever end up in your situation. Gosh I am shocked! I am totally with you on this. I can understand your pain and your anger and the things u have said. Signs are that he was seeing this woman for along time before she fell pregnant . To move in with her, it wouldn't have been a few weeks affair but a lot longer than tht. I don't like sound of her at all. Your feelings are justified and normal. Your in this situation many on here aren't and they would not have a clue how you feel till they were! I think you have been bullied , you only wanted support and I am with u on this. Gosh your world has been destroyed in a few months and your just supposed to get over it and carry on and let him dictate to you! It will take time and I think you are being way to nice in even considering a meeting with his new girlfriend not only a gf but she pregnant too way too much for u to accept after only a few months. Any right loving father wouldn't have ruined the fanily unit and gone shagging around and then made another woman pregnant. What a pillar of society this man is! Great father material must say ! He wasn't thinking how his kids would be affected then was he? Having to be left alone then introduce them to a new woman and baby! The reaction to this thread has really angered me its his fault not yours please remeber tht. He's ruining his kids lives. Not you! I don't think u should even need to contemplate seeing the other woman, your the injured party you need time to grieve . If he wants to c them he will have to do it without her around , you need time to come to terms with this and please talk to somebody you trust or even counsellor. I def don't think u need to introduce kids to her now and new baby etc its too soon especially when his track record isn't reliable at all! Who knows how long they will be together? . Its too soon for kids to see other woman but it might be wise for him to keep seeing his kids - on your terms and if I was you I would stipulate with out her.. Not only becoz its too soon for u to emotionally deal with this you need time but I genuinley don't think kids need to be introduced now as don't even knw wether she will stay around and they r also trying to deal with dad leaving and not living their. Do it in stages armygirl! Do take care and I pray that you will be happy again and get through this I know you will. Inbox me if you like xxxx

SAKURA, I understand how you feel, really I do, and to a large extent I agree with you and my gut feeling is that the H has forfeited his "right" to parent his DC. But this isn't about the father or the OW, it's about the DC and the new baby and THEY have done nothing to forfeit their right to a relationship with both their parents. Why do you think that I put the emotional needs of the H/OW at the bottom of the list? The truth is that if the adults in this kind of situation are unhappy, hurt or distressed then the DC get the fallout and they HAVE to come first.

Sakura well done on your post your talking sense, some others did on here bt not many. Why should that woman even get any ounce of consideration? X

libster, I don't think he's forfeited his right to parent his DC.
I think he's got to behave with a bit of humility and shame
Not demanding anything of the OP with regard to the woman he's knocked up

If he treats his children well, hten of course he should keep seeing them. BUt he has forfeited his right to make ANY demands on them, emotionally (as in expecting them to be nice to HIM, let alone his OW )

Kids should not have to see the other woman or the baby the only person they perhaps should be seeing is the father even though he has been a complete idiot/ loser and not considered his kids one bit! What a selfish man! therefore as the situation is right now it has to be on army girls terms not his. He can take them wherever he likes but without her and she will have to understand and accept at this stage right now and I feel that is reasonable and Fair to the kids and their confusion and also fair to armygirl she has lost her family unit, in time things will get easier and better not only for the mum but it eases kids in gently!

"I def don't think u need to introduce kids to her now and new baby etc its too soon especially when his track record isn't reliable at all! Who knows how long they will be together? "

well said RachyandMeg, you could equally argue that the OP would be responsible for setting up her children for more hurt if she allows them to get close to the OW. With this man's track record, I doubt they'll last very long

it would be irresponsible

Fancy letting him set the terms!!!!!