For not wanting my husbands pregnant girlfriend to meet our children yet?

[armywife1]

My husband left me on 31 May this year telling me he needed time to consider our future together. On 27 June he told me our marriage was over and on 2 July concieved a baby with a woman with whom he claimed he slept with for the first time. Needless to say we are now going through a divorce. However my husband is pushing hard for our children to meet his new woman, before the child is born in March. Our children are 4 and 2 and we will be moving house on 31 March next year. Am I being unreasonable requesting that he waits until the children are settled in their new home, school and nursery before they meet his new partner and their child? I feel bullied by a man and his new partner who clearly feels she needs to meet his children. In less than 6 months my children have had to accept that their father has left home and now he wants them to meet his partner and get excited about a new half sibbling.

Its about timing and timing isn't rite to play happy families have some empathy see how you feel after only a few months! Losing husband to a affair, then. Shocker of not only lost him but other woman is pregnant then kids lives being messed about by him to and army girl is left to pick up pieces not only for herself but for the children and she's done nothing at all ! X

Good point sakura! I think my feelings are very clear on the matter if my world fell apart I would feel just the same as armygirl . Armygirl you have support x

RachyandMeg, I don't think I'm being negative and I CAN understand the OP's pain and anger and she is indeed being bullied. However, some of us on here might just have more of a clue than you realise and encouraging the OP to think for one moment that she will be able to dictate terms is not helpful. There is no concept of "injured parties" in divorce/family law any more. Her only chance of getting them to ditch their bullying tactics is to go for mediation and get herself some good emotional support and make her, not unreasonable, plea for time and space for the DC and her (as their primary carer)to take things at a slower pace than the other party seem to want for the sake of the DC and not wanting them to be unsettled more than necessary. However move forward she must and accept that the OW will be a part of her DC's lives as the mother of their half sibling. If she fights the DC ever meeting the OW she won't win and will only make things worse not only for the DC but for herself as well.

I don't think it is unreasonable to want some time and space without the other woman involved yes if in the longterm if they are still together then eventually it will be accepted but the days are early and I feel the best thing is for them to give her and the kids space and time .

There's no way I'd be sending my 2 and 4 year old off to play happy families with a pair of wankers OP.

thelibster, noone is talking about the dad ever seeing the kids, except you

oh, you didn't even argue that either. Oh well.
ANyway, most of the recent posters are simply saying that there's a time and a place for things.

It's very obvious to me that this man is a bit handicapped emotionally, which is the only explanation for him not not realising how off it is to expect the OP to meet his OW so soon. But that is no excuse for people on here expecting the OP to dance to his tune

I hear you but the complication here is the pregnancy and the rights of the half siblings to have contact. The OP needs to move for mediation quickly and take charge. The best she can hope for is that things will move more slowly than the other party seem to want but she will, probably, have to face the fact that, because of the new baby, they will still move quicker than she would want. The sad fact of the matter is that, today, it takes two people to make a marriage but only one to break it and, legally, she has no more right to dictate what happens regarding the DC than her ex does. She needs to move towards getting an agreement from her ex over timings because, if they can't agree, the court will step in and make the decisions for them, given the ages of the DC.

Lol low energy that has really made me laugh ! And sakura yep spot on emotionally handicapped its a shame haha !:)

Sakura, did you mean never? I'm not talking about the dad never seeing his kids. Where did you read that? Some posters seem to think that the OP can prevent the DC meeting the OW and that is not going to be possible. Or even that she can dictate such a meeting must be postponed, maybe indefinitely. Also a non-runner in my experience. It's going to happen sooner or even sooner so better for the OP to take the initiative with mediation which will put her in the stronger position as the one most eager to sort things amicably for the sake of the DC.From the OP I got the impression that she was more worried about the fact that the OW didn't want to meet her rather than a reluctance on her part to meet the OW. She seems naturally upset at her DC being co-parented by someone she has not met and I can understand that totally.

Liber the half sibling as you say aren't even born! Going to be along time before they will be making any decisions on tht front, don't think army should feel worried about this! And I'm sure when armygirls kids are old enough they will work out for themselves what a selfish prat their father is!

I'd be willing to bet this is the first of several women your DCs will be meeting over the course of their childhoods. And that there will be several half siblings along bye and bye. (I have a niece and nephew who met four stepmums and numerous step siblings over the course of their formative years).

I agree to have the exH visit the DCs but keep the OW out of the picture as long as possible. And I can't imagine she will have much time for your DCs when she's busy with the baby, etc. My guess is this is all the shitty exH's idea, the whole 'everything is blissful in my world, and I can have my cake and eat it' routine, and that the OW will resent having to babysit your DCs and look after her own baby, and also resent having her P spending too much time taking care of his two small children when she will need help with the baby. I would hope realism will set in and there will be limited visits, away from the baby, when he or she is born. However, he's living in a little bubble right now.

I think you could pitch it like that to the twat -- that the OW won't appreciate having two extra children under her feet when she also has a baby to take care of, and insist he has the DCs for visitation for just a short while so that he can get back and help out with the baby.

it does not suprise me that our patriarchal judicial system has decided that a man who pulls this shit has the same "rights" as the mother (and let's be honest here, it's always the mother left behind )

libster, yes I know you didn't mean that, I acknowledged that in my other post

No fault divorce is the worst thing that ever happened to women, imho.

not that I care about the OW, but I agree with mathanxiety, I should imagine she is pretending the OP doesn't exit

This cozy set up where OW, Dad and Kids all get along benefits one person and one person only

exist

But liber you would kind of think that the husband would have an ounce of decency and let her have her terms for now wouldn't you seen as she's done nothing! They were married and have e children together thts the least he could do! Think about her feelings for once!

But if he was a decent human being, the kind who understood right and wrong, RachyandMeg, he wouldn't have done this in the first place.
Him demanding his "rights", after pulling a stunt like this, is all you can expect from this type of man.

If he had the emotional nouse to let armywife have her space, then he probably wouldn't have been shagging people without a condom while he was still married

Sorry Sakura, crossed posts. My worry, on behalf of the OP is that, under the present "no fault" divorce system, they (shitface H and ankles behind her neckOW) are going to have a pretty strong case for the DC meeting new baby and OW before they (DC and OP) move house, which is what OP wants to avoid as I understand it. Not sure if this will be possible at all but her best bet, if they are not already in mediation, is to ask for it because then she puts herself in a more positive position regarding care and concern for the DC. If they come to an impasse, she will be seen in a more positive light by the court for having instigated the mediation process.

Yep shakru that's true he's not going to be decent about this is he and the courts are wrong if they let him call the shots! But I can't c them siding with him. Maybe visitation rights would be short and just wIth him for the time being! It should be this way not with other woman. Well I hope she screws him for every penny that she can get! X

that's good advice libster
fucking shame that a mother's position is so weak by law

hope so rachyandmeg

RachyandMeg, believe me am thinking about her feelings, and not just for once. Her ex is a bastard, of that there is no doubt, but the children, yes including the unborn sibling (which I reckon will arrive earlier rather than later in March, if not in February - but that's the cynic in me)have to come first. I actually agree with most of your sentiments! I'm just guarding against OP being led to believe that she can call the shots. The fact is that the common parent to all children lives with the OW not the OP so, yes, at some stage she WILL get the chance to play "happy families" and yes, it does suck and I feel for the OP I really, really do.

Liber I am not saying that you should think about her feelings I was saying he should think about her feelings for once! Army girl I am here for you! X