To not replace something that i havent seen

[Ray81]

We went on holiday back in August and my sister who is 18 looked after my house.
She had a party which she didnt ask to have and evidently one of her friends left a Ipod docking station here.

She asked me for it last week and i told her there was nothing like that in my house (although didnt know what i was looking for tbh). Now i had a real blitz when i got back from hols and was alittle worried i had thrown it out by mistake, i do tend to just go into auto pilot when clearing out. I said to her perhaps i had and thinking it would be £20 or so that i would replace it. I only said that because i couldnt be sure i hadnt thrown it away ifswim. Well she has come back to me saying it is £350 and showing me what it looked like. I havent seen it and have looked ALL over my house.

I havent got that amount of money and i dont think i should replace something that for one i honestly cannot remember seeing and 2 that wasnt my responsibility in the first place.

So AIBU to say NO i am not replacing it. surely if something is that expensive you shouldnt even take it out of your own home and be that careless with it. Whats to say he hasnt left it somewhere else and my house was the last time he could remember seeing it.

I think you might just have to cut your losses on this tbh & write it off as a very hard lesson learned.

If possible I really would cut contact.

Even your mum isn´t seeing your side, is she?

If this Ipod thing was a friends, then surely no insurance will cover it-yours or your parents, & why should your premiums go up?

Re the ring & cash-would insurabce cover that when you gave someone else a key & it was lost/stolen during that time?

"I realy dont want to go to the police tbh it will just make things worse ifkwim"

Worse for who though?

Things couldn´t be worse for you & tbh your sister sounds as if she could do with a dose of reality.

You know what? You need to deal with this now or not at all. You can't keep waiting for the next blow to fall and then considering what to do next. Your sister invited strangers into your house and they stole from you. Who cares if they stole from an uninvited guest? They shouldn't have been there in the first place.

What sort of relationship do you want to have with your family after this? Start from that decision and then do what you need to do - today. You can't faff around if you are thinking of calling the police in, they would understandably ask why you didn't act re the theft of your ring and money when you first found they were missing.
No wonder your DH is mad. The privacy of his home has been violated by strangers who stole from him. An adult (18 years old) failed to do the thing she was there for, feed his birds, and they died. He's been accused of theft. His wife isn't firmly dealing with her family, who are causing him stress and accusing him of theft.
YANBU to be upset and refuse to replace the docking station.
YABU to let this drag on and allow your family to constantly pester you and your DH.
(That's a friendly kick by the way!).

You say your friend asked you about the FB photos - does this mean she still has access to them? Ask her.

You should report it to the police now, then decide about an insurance claim. Your sister's friend might be able to provide a receipt, so it might be best all round to claim.

Having said that, I really think you should cut your losses as far as your family are concerned. You don't need them.

YANBU at all!

I would think if you'd have come across it during your house blitz clean you'd have noticed it an wondered what it was.

I think this girl is trying it on.

Actually some insurance policies do cover the owners items whilst they are at another place - so the owner of the docking station should be able to claim on their insurance policy - as presumably someone who had such an expensive item would have it insured?

As I said before I really do feel for you- I'm appalled that your family are treating you as if you were the one in the wrong - you are not

Definitely, call the police. Things can't get any worse and they are stitching you up so that you can't do anything right so go the whole hog. Fight back with the law on your side - your family are going to look very stupid if they carry on as they are once the police are involved.

And don't hold DH back. If you really are worried he might physically assault somebody make sure he knows he will lose the moral high ground and end up in trouble if he tries anything like that but don't hold him back from giving any of them a mouthful. They throughly deserve it and DH deserves the right to defend himself too. They are treating you both appallingly.

On the bright side, you have saved yourself a fortune on Christmas present shopping his year. None of them deserve anything from you.

Please go to the police as soon as possible. You should be taken seriously - simply explain that you thought you might have misplaced the ring last week but following a thorough search you now realise it's disappeared. Plus the missing money of course. Fact is, there were an unknown number of strangers in your home without your permission and things have been stolen. I very much doubt the police would think this an acceptable or normal thing to do and certainly wouldn't tell you it's your fault as you failed to specifically tell the nasty little bitch that parties weren't allowed.

Re: insurance .... appreciate claims for the money may be less than your excess, and that a unique ring couldn't be literally replaced .... but nonetheless, you should still be able to claim for its value (providing it doesn't exceed the limit for a single item on your policy) and then at least you and DP could choose something new together - even if it's not the same. Additionally, the loss of the birds may be covered on some policies - it's worth checking out.

Just read the whole thread as I'd only read the first post before my other reply and OMG, what a horrible family you have,OP :(

Like others have said, I would go the whole hog and involve the police. You have nothing to lose regarding your family. If you paid up this time they would soon find something else to pick at you about. It would just be like giving bullies your dinner money at school, then the next day they'd be back for more money.

Police - nothing less.

Your 'family' already treat you like shite - they are going to carry on treating you like shite whether you do this or not.

Even if you were a complete pushover with this, and give sisters friend the money for the iPod Dock, your 'family' will still treat you like shite - only you will then be further out of pocket, and your family will carry on treating you like shite.

Go to the police. You dont even have to accuse anyone. Tell them you have recently discovered that your sister held a party at your house whilst you were away. During the course of the party someone stole your engagement ring, £100 cash and an iPod Docking Station belonging to XX. The police may well do nothing, but at least your family will see you are taking this seriously and are not the pushover they think.

Then cut all ties - you are being treated horribly by your family - surely it would be better to be alone, than in nasty, bullying company?

I feel for you, I really do, but you HAVE to get rid of these awful people.

Ray you've had some really good advice here.

If you don't do anything what would happen? Would they stop hassling you? No, they'd continue until either you pay up or DH has a mega explosion (understandably). Neither is a good outcome for you. Both are a good outcome from your families point of view as they either get the money or have amunition to say how bad you and your family are.

If your DH handles things would this stop the hassling? Doubt it because they'll side step DH when they can and come after you. Not good.

If you tell them to forget about it and call it quits do you think they'll stop? Doubt it too as they'll try to grind you down and get the money from you.

If you go to the police would it make things worse? No, they're here for your support. They can talk to you logically about what they can and can't do and what you family should/should not be doing. Think of them that way and give them a call.

As for the fb photos, get any you can from your friend. Why else would your ssis delete you?

You're going to have to let the birds go. Accidents do happen. Yes it's a coincidence but I can't see what else you can do about it. Hard I know.

On the ring and money I guess it will depend on when you found them missing. If it was a week or so after you got back then its harder to prove it was stolen at the party. I would follow the MN advice and check the pawnshops and ebay since it's a unique ring.

Shit situation but remember you have support here too.

It's sounds like one or two of your sisters party 'friends' has done a sweep of the house during the night & on the way out the door. They probably took ring & cash snooping around upstairs uninterrupted during the party (call you sister out on that lie in front of your Dad when you get a chance BTW - does she really think no one used the loo all night long????) and took docking station on the way out the door. I don't know about you but if a strange item was left in an obvious place in my home, I'd notice it shortly after getting home.

You need to let her know about the missing cash & ring and force her to start dealing with the fact that SHE brought people into your house, who stole from YOU, your daughter and HER friend. You also caught her out when you asked about was it left in the car and she said she would check!!!! Is she seriously blaming you before checking all other possibilities???? I smell a huge rat here!!! I'd be challenging her along the lines of "Grow up young lady, the ice you are standing on is getting thinner & thinner. Take some responsibility (for perhaps the first time ever)for these losses, at a party you organised without permission, where you brought a thief into my home, who stole from me & my family as well as your friend. The ring cost £X and the cash taken was £Y - now what do you propose to do about it?"

I'd probably give the birds argument up as you said it's really hard to pin that on her & I don't think it strengthens your argument. Even if the birds were all OK, you would still be in this situation, as the thefts would still have happened.

You've said you are non-confrontational & I agree with the poster who said that is probably why they are attacking you this way. You don't have to get angry & shout etc, to stick up for yourself and your family - be calm, be reasoned, be purposeful & stay focused. But the your sister know how you feel, what has been taken etc. Write things down if that will help you remember everything you have to say. Deep breath & do it - you'll feel much better afterwards.

Whether you get some kind of break though with her or no, in no way is the responsibility for the docking station yours. If the owner can't take care of her stuff - it's her fault. She could have come around when you were back from your holiday & asked herself for it, as could your sister.

Your local police station should have a community support officer, who will be able to come round and talk to you.
I would tell him/her that you've noticed a ring and some cash missing, also that your sister's friend has only just got in touch to inform you that a docking station has gone missing (since august blah blah) and that she seems to think ti was left at your house, you've definately not seen it and could they investigate as it's obviously been stolen. or words to that effect. You then get a crime number too, for the insurance company

I woulnd't hesitate, I'd have ben straight onto the police the minute it was first suggested that I'd stolen it

I have very little to add to this, other than to say that I wish I lived near you, as I would love the opportunity to come round and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you, and help you give your family the bollocking they so richly deserve.

I hope that you feel better about this soon - none of it is your fault or your responsibility, and you do sound like a lovely person who doesn't deserve such nastiness.

One thought - might it prick your parents' and dsis's consciences if you tell them that money was stolen from a child's money box? Or would they think that was acceptable too?

WTF

Tell her to fuck off!

sorry, should have read the whole thread, it has progressed!

I'd say go to the police too.

What an awful situation

Other peoples posessions being left in your home whilst you are away is not your responsibility.

How do you know for sure it was ever left there?

You don't.

You do not replace it as it is not in your home.

Take the same stance as the insurance company would.
"You want us to pay out for something that is not your possession, does not reside in your home and that you have never seen in your life before but some random person you have never met says was there? Go away."

Change your locks!!!!

What FindinMyMojo said.

Does it seem plaausible that some crim "friend" at the party has nicked everything that is missing ?

Findingmymojo - yes thats the likely party-thief scenario.

OP - your sister and family are taking the piss. I think going to the Police is the way to go.

Your sisters pal must have been pretty wasted if she couldn't remember to take her expensive property home, or try and retrieve it as soon as possible.

And how on earth would you have accidentally thrown it away without realising? It's not like a till receipt.

Forget replacing it. That's so totally unreasonable that it's just not going to happen. However, your greater problem is the attitude that your family show towards you. I think you ought to back right away from them and refuse to have anything to do with them for the time being, or until they can treat you the same as your sister.

Should be fairly easy to narrow down the "Party Thief" to 2 or 3 suspects (unless DS is complicit ).