To not replace something that i havent seen

[Ray81]

We went on holiday back in August and my sister who is 18 looked after my house.
She had a party which she didnt ask to have and evidently one of her friends left a Ipod docking station here.

She asked me for it last week and i told her there was nothing like that in my house (although didnt know what i was looking for tbh). Now i had a real blitz when i got back from hols and was alittle worried i had thrown it out by mistake, i do tend to just go into auto pilot when clearing out. I said to her perhaps i had and thinking it would be £20 or so that i would replace it. I only said that because i couldnt be sure i hadnt thrown it away ifswim. Well she has come back to me saying it is £350 and showing me what it looked like. I havent seen it and have looked ALL over my house.

I havent got that amount of money and i dont think i should replace something that for one i honestly cannot remember seeing and 2 that wasnt my responsibility in the first place.

So AIBU to say NO i am not replacing it. surely if something is that expensive you shouldnt even take it out of your own home and be that careless with it. Whats to say he hasnt left it somewhere else and my house was the last time he could remember seeing it.

My god what a toxic family. You sound lovely. Distance yourself without further ado and tell them you'll go to the police or something, I don't know, but get away from them.

You sound smashing and they sound ghastly. How did such a family produce someone so sweet and helpful?

Well yes, they do sound awful, don´t they?

Is the sister the spoilt youngest by any chance?

Apart from the fact that they seem to be veering towards thinking OP is lying, it´s not even the sister´s Ipod thing, it´s a friends.

Any sane family would have wrttten it off months ago, & be berating the sister for havig a party & letting birds die.

Ignore, ignore, ignore!

Don't lie about losing something of yours, as it will only come back and bite you the bum.

Just keep repeating that you haven't found/ seen it at your house.

If your parents say anything about agreeing with your sister, put them on the spot ask them why it your fault "when your sister held a party at your house without permission inviting people you do not know. And when someone loses a expensive item which you have never seen is it acceptable for everyone to blame you and your dh."

but i hate arguments and am such a non confrontational person and thats why they are ganging up on you, because they believe you will just replace it without argueing.

I for one thing your sister know exactly where the I-pod station is.

I feel very sorry for you - they all sound incredibly cruel. Presumably the lovely "family" dinner and its reporting on FB was some kind of punishment ?

I know the prospect of a big falling out isn't pleasant, but I don't know what else you can do - apart from pay up for this cock and bull story .... and considering it doesn't add up and I think she's pulling a fast one, I'd then be concerned she'd do something similar again in the future. In other words, any peace bought by you giving her £350 would be a very fragile one.

If I was in her shoes I'd be begging your forgiveness. Her arrogance in having the party at all is disgusting and her nonchalance over the birds dying equally so. Even if that was a genuine accident (though highly coincidental) most normal people would feel mortified and would naturally apologise even though they'd not done it intentionally. They certainly wouldn't be badgering you and accusing your DH of theft.

If a friend entrusted this mythical dock to your sister then that is her problem. She's either been completely irresponsible (well, we know she is already) and didn't look after her friend's property as promised, or, she needs/wants money for some reason and this is a scam. Either way tell her to f* right off.

Am astonished that the rest of your family are wading in and being so nasty too. How dare they think her behaviour is okay ?

Sorry think not thing.

"Kenobi - she is telling everyone that she is sure it was there when she left the house and she just forgot to take it.
Even though she was meant to be here to feed the birds in the evening, she hadnt feed them for about 3 days as their food was all mouldy.
My mum and dad dont beleive the birds died because of her and i think that is why they are sticking up for her
TBH this is just a long line of things. they went out for dinner on fri ALL of them sisters and mum and dad and never invited me. Posted all over FB that they had had a lovely family dinner."

If you sister had anything to drink that night it's very likely her memory was impaired so I wouldn't place too much reliance on that. But, Ray, reading between the lines it seems to me this whole docking system issue is a stick to beat you with because of the dead birds. I think they are turning the screws by not inviting you to dinner (how petty and cruel).
Totally with you on hating confrontation but this is going to have to be confronted.

Sounds like your sister needs to grow up!

Don't stoop down to her level - politely remind her that whilst she was in charge of your house any items that went missing are therefore her responsibility NOT yours. You have absolutely no obligation to replace anything that her guests may have lost.

Regarding the business about the birds, it's a lot of money I know but there's no way of knowing for sure what killed them....chalk it up to experience & next time get someone more reliable in to look after them.

As for not inviting you to dinner - that's just plain childish. Rise above it - you're better than that!!!

How many days between the party & you coming home ? were the birds to be fed daily ? did you come home to dead birds ?? this is awful !

yanbu - she should n't take stuff around she can't afford to lose let alone be so careless as to leave it behind and not say so at the time. And how convenient it wasn't a cheap one she "lost"

Soory had to go get DD from school.

I meet my other sister at pick up as her children go to the same school and she asked me what i was going to do about this ipod thing?? WTF i told her there is nothing i can do as i havent seen it and i am not replacing it when i havent seen it, it wasnt my responsibility in the first place and i havent got that kind of money.
I asked her who picked DSis up when she left my house on the day we came back and she said "mum did but she didnt go in on the last day" when i looked at her she said "oh sorry yes she did" FFS the birds were meant to be feed every day. The reason i asked re who picked her up i was wondering if they may have had it in their car. I was told by my mum that she DID feed the birds every day even though the food was mouldy and clearly hadnt been changed for 3 days, now my other dsis has let it slip she didnt.

You are all right in that she didnt apologise re the birds even though she doesnt feel she did it and never apologised for the party either . However my dad did have a go at me because i told someone in the family that the birds had died and it could have been her fault.

Actualy posting it all here has made me realise how bad they are, i have been distancing myself quite abit from them over the last few yrs because of the way they have taken advantage and tbh i think they do think i would just get them a new one.

Dsis isnt the youngest btw i have a 10yr old sis as well but my Dad feels sorry for Dsis because she got left out alittle when 10yr old was born. My dad is Step dad tbh and my other 4 sisters are his Bio daughters.

Im just wondering why they would think i would keep something that isnt mine and i cant even use ffs

Thankyou to all those that have said i sound like a nice person that is so nice i try to be and thats why i was considering replacing it to begin with because i felt sorry for the friend but i cannot afford it. God i can hardly cover our mortage this month.

they're bonkers.

i'm pissed off on your behalf! no way you should pay for the ipod. i'd be tempted to send her an invoice for damage caused by the party and replacement of the birds. but that would be adding fuel.

i wouldn't get her to birdsit again...

asecret- Dsis phone us 3 days after we had left to say that 4 birds had died, Dh said "is she doing this that and the other that i told her to do" answer was yes she was, we told her not to worry and carry on doing what she was doing and went back over it with her.

We never heard anything else, when we got home 12 birds had died, she told us 4, told my dad 8 and it turned out to be 12. thats why DH was soooooo pissed off with it.
I always defended her to DH and said it could have been caused by something else and have had some arguments over it. We have learnt and she will not be looking after the house again EVER.

im not sure when the party was tbh i think it was on the fri night and went on til 3am i know this because my neighbours complained alittle and then she had people over on the Sunday as well and we came home on the tues.

I will ask my neighbours and see if they can remember

If you want to give away £350 then send it to me, I have as much right to it as this friend. This is absolute bollocks, don't you dare replace it. At first I thought it might be one of those £9.99 jobs that fold up but for £350 it's going to be a fuck off big thing, not very easily missed.

You do sound lovely so don't be taken in by this. Tell her to take a list of the party attendees to the police and get them to investigate the theft, cheeky fecker.

bloody hell, they let 12 birds die? These are not good people.

12 birds?
Blimey.

Were they old or particularly difficult to look after?

Did you have them looked at for any illness/infection?

Oh you poor thing. They sound bloody awful to be honest. I agree with everyone who says to distance yourself from them.

You have no responsibility to replace that docking station. It's nothing to do with you. Anyone who came to the party could have taken it at the end.

I'm so sorry that 12 of your birds died. It certainly sounds as though they neglected to feed them when they were supposed to.

Hope you get it sorted.

12 birds?? These people are riding roughshod all over you, I'm sorry. They've got you wondering if you're BU about this iPod thing(my god, of course you aren't!) and in the meantime, your sister obviously is responsible for the deaths of these birds. I'm sure someone might suggest otherwise, but 12 of them?? I could think maybe 1 bird, bad luck maybe it was just its time to go, but ffs.

It's disgusting the way they're all assuming it's your problem. You are well within your rights to stick up for yourself, you know. If someone DOES bring up that "why would she lie?" line, please don't hesitate to point out that YOU have no reason to lie, either, and you'd like to know why your own family trusts this girl's word more than they trust yours.

No not old they were this yrs breed so babies. Not hard to look after at all just have to feed and water them every day, they have to have particular water and food but it was all labeled and she was shown how to do it properly.

We didnt have them tested as she put them in the bin but i wish we could have done because it would have settled it completely. I know she didnt feed them properly i saw the mouldy food but that doesnt mean it was her that killed them, they are birds so it could have been in infection etc. I was prepared to accept that it was lessoned learnt, and that if she had killed them she wouldnt have done it on purpose. Just being a typical teenager i suppose only doing the bare min.

i am annoyed that i never got an apology, she could have apologised for having the party without asking. infact she had people over several times without asking and should have apologised for that.

The bottle of wine was really obvious, It had a Pandora bracelet round the neck and was standing between the Ipod and the Rolex. You must be blind!

Three months - doesn't she have a mobile to contact you, she could have messaged via facebook if that is such a preferred method of communication.

I think allowing some space for a while sounds like a plan. You need a calm mantra for when any of them brings it up. Something along the lines of 'we were not aware of any party, we didn't invite lots of strangers into our home, we haven't found any gadgets left behind or we would have returned them'.

Sorry for your DH and his birds.

So the three months' delay was because of your mother? DSis kept asking her and she 'forgot'?

Try turning that on its head and suggesting that your mother saw the docking station and it was her that pocketed it. When she gets hurt and outraged at this, that is when you say "now you know how I feel". Perhaps that might get your mum on your side and that might start to resolve things.

Your Dsis is BVVVVVVU.

Sorry, but this sounds like total bullshit. I don't believe this docking station even existed in the first place. Either your Sis is trying to get some cash out of you OR she's made up a lie about it to try to take the limelight off her disgusting behaviour and somehow excuse it. She threw a party without your knowledge or permission and neglected the one duty expected of her and 12 poor creatures died. She probably just came up with the idea of something missing to take the heat off and it's all snowballed out of control with the family getting involved and now she daren't admit the truth. And if she is telling the truth, it's her friends stupid fault for taking something that costly to a party and leaving it there.

So what do you do now? There needs to be some sharp bluff-calling. You can do this whilst appearing like all you're trying to do is help. Have you actually spoken to the friend who owned this supposed docking station? If it's true, she would be glad to meet you so you can talk about it. If she won't or your Sis panics and makes up excuses for you not to meet her, you'll know it's a crock. And if your family hassles you, you can tell them that you want to chat with the friend to get to the bottom of things - surely that's a good thing? Ask for proof of the docking system's existence; is there a receipt still? A photo of it and the owner in her home (ie in the back of a shot)? An insurance firm would want some sort of proof other than 'I left it somewhere', so why shouldn't you. And finally, you need to get tough and sit your family down and tell them once and for all you and your DH have NOT seen or done anything to this item and you are not going to pay out a penny, end of story. Tell them that you're feeling very picked on and ostracised over this when you've done nothing wrong and ask which is more important to them - you and the family getting on or this theoretical item? And point out that you two are the injured parties; she let strangers run amok in your home without permission and her laziness let a large number of birds die. I can see why you're so upset at the totally unfair way they're treating you but you must stand up for yourself.

Have just read the entire post

Lots of good advice here, hope you can dredge up the confidence to tackle these awful people head on.

Good luck.

God you're being victimized because of your parentage. Tell them all to fuck the fuck off. Tell your sister she is a spoilt brat and tell your stepfather he is a bad parent.

Somebody else took it during the last 3 months, obvious explanation since your sis is so sure it was left... actually, I bet the Sis is being hassled badly by someone else, whoever left it there, really they are the ones being most unreasonable and your Sis is probably the one stuck in the middle. Your Sis has to suck it up to them or tell them to F off. They could have come knocking on your door ages ago to ask for it back.

If you can afford the docking station in the first place, and then afford to leave it at random party at random house for 3 months you really can't expect to ever see it again.

Scorpette took the words out of my mouth - ask to speak to the "friend" direct.
Say you want to establish exactly what happened, why they lent out such an expensive piece of kit and you'd rather hear it from the friend.
I think taking that line might make her back-pedal and squirm a bit.

This all sounds so horrible for you and your DH.