To not replace something that i havent seen

[Ray81]

We went on holiday back in August and my sister who is 18 looked after my house.
She had a party which she didnt ask to have and evidently one of her friends left a Ipod docking station here.

She asked me for it last week and i told her there was nothing like that in my house (although didnt know what i was looking for tbh). Now i had a real blitz when i got back from hols and was alittle worried i had thrown it out by mistake, i do tend to just go into auto pilot when clearing out. I said to her perhaps i had and thinking it would be £20 or so that i would replace it. I only said that because i couldnt be sure i hadnt thrown it away ifswim. Well she has come back to me saying it is £350 and showing me what it looked like. I havent seen it and have looked ALL over my house.

I havent got that amount of money and i dont think i should replace something that for one i honestly cannot remember seeing and 2 that wasnt my responsibility in the first place.

So AIBU to say NO i am not replacing it. surely if something is that expensive you shouldnt even take it out of your own home and be that careless with it. Whats to say he hasnt left it somewhere else and my house was the last time he could remember seeing it.

This story sounds bizarre. Your sister is more upset about her friend's docking station than your birds that she sounds as though she neglected.
How long were you away for?
I don't understand why she asked her mum to pick up the dock thing every week rather than phone you when you got back and ask you to look for it. £350 is alot of money not to be sorting out asap. If I was the owner of the docking station I'd be phoning you or writing to you about it not relying on my (obviously scatty) friend to act as go between, if the docky thing didn't materialise within a week.
The only mistake you made was offering to replace it in the first place rather than getting angry with her for having a party in your house and letting your birds die.
If you lose contact with her for a while it doesn't sound a great loss to be honest.
Stuff the lot of them.

I agree with Appletrees : "God you're being victimized because of your parentage. Tell them all to fuck the fuck off. Tell your sister she is a spoilt brat and tell your stepfather he is a bad parent."

Update my dad turned up tonight and asked re the the docking station, i told him havent seen it, he thinks considering what happened with the birds he thinks something has happened to it. Basicaly they think DH got rid of it WTF.

He said i shouldnt blame her for the birds as how could we expect an 18yo to look after them properly and as they died soon after we went away it cant have been her[umm]. I asked re my apology for the party and was told i should have told her that she couldnt have a party. WTF

When he was here he phoned her and asked her if she had left it in her friends car she said she would check [umm]. and that he would be back this evening with her to deal with this.

DH is seriously pissed off and has a temper (never to me and DDs) but has said he doent want someone coming to HIS house and accuse him of things and he is likely to get angry this has made me somewhat nervous to say the least. So far they havent turned up and i am hoping they dont. I dont fecking need this.

To whomever said re me saying something was stolen and i said i would think about it, funny you should say it but my engagement ring has gone missing and some money about £100 from DDS money box. The ring i noticed was gone last week and thought i put it somewhere else but looked this afternoon on the back of your comments i looked elsewhere and cannot find it. The money i thought perhaps DH had borrowed some of it when i asked he said he hadnt and he thought i had.
I told my dad this and he asked my dsis if anyone had been upstairs evidently not, none of them needed to use the loo apparently (saracastic emotion). I'm not lying about this BTW it realy is missing.

Some time out from my family is needed i think.

Police. Seriously.

Police. Get them over for when your dad comes back. Good for your dh. What utter utter cunts.

Definitely police in light of the ring etc. And I'd be tempted to let your DH loose on them to give them a bollocking. They sound like a charming family, you obviously got the good gene.

Please please don't replace it. How awful for you that they are all being such idiots.

You need to start getting angry - you are taking all this lying down.

Agree with others - I would tell your family that you're reporting all these thefts to the police as you'll need a crime number at the very least for insurance purposes. So your sister should expect a visit from the police to confirm guests names etc.

You do sound very stuck in the middle though - your DH having a temper can not make things easy. I just feel very sorry for you.

Ok, they are really being biased against you!

12 birds dead, ring and cash missing. Bird food left in dish moldy. Having party without permission. I see no signs of your sister being a responsible adult. Or of your parents teaching her to be. (You do NOT have to tell her not to have a party, that is a given, or should be) Accusing your husband of theft and lying both! Tell them you want everyone involved to take a lie detector test!

Police, or small claims court.www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/ex301_web_0510.pdf
Did you happen to take any pics of the moldy food?

Just read this and first thing that occurred to me has just been posted - go through all your things and check that everything is there and nothing has been taken or moved. It's a shame you weren't able to do it when you came back and thus it would have been immediate, but it is still worth doing now.

Also - ask to see all pix taken at the party. If the ipod doc was there then there should be some picture where it shows up in the background. Will also give an indication of the sort of party that was being held there - might get your parents on side if they see it looks like they were trashing your place. Would your parents really expect to have to say to her that she is not allowed to have a party if they are away or would they not expect her to know that anyway?

Are the birds easily accessible within the house? Do you think anybody could have got to them at the party and thought it funny to put alcohol in their water bottles or just the loud noise and disturbance shocked some of them (on top of the mouldy food!)

Also facebook - can you look back at your sis's entries from the days that you were away and see what she was posting about what she was doing? Take screenshots so you have some record of it. Also see if you can look at the profile of friends of hers - both to see if anything is said (or photos) about party and ipod doc, your belongings, birds - and anything else of relevance. ditto get screenshots for a record.

police report sounds an excellent idea. If all the kids were from a single school, I would also be contacting the school to let them know that theiving happened. And if your sis says that her friends wouldn't have then it leaves her as the one that took stuff... so she might prefer to hand over the people that she thinks might have done it...

Oh Ray, I am aghast! Your poor birds, your ring and your DC money?

What utter shits you have for family.

Go to the police, kick up a humongous stink and cut these dreadful people from your lives.

disgusting!

Police. No messing. You being family means bugger all to them, don't let it hold you back.

Oh my goodness, this has turned out to be even worse that we thought.

The first thing you need to do is call the police and report the crime.

Then call all local pawn shops and 2nd hand jewellers to enquire about your ring.

Then call your sister (not parents), inform her of the police report, and tell her police have asked for a comprehensive list of everyone there.

Then call your insurance company.

Your family are toxic. Once your stupid sister has provided you with the information you need, steer well clear of them. They are nasty, spiteful, and doing you no good whatsoever.

I'm really angry for you, what a horrible ordeal.

First thing you should do is change the locks. I think you can kiss the rest goodbye - save yourself a lot of hard work and just put it behind you, but don't let your family in your door again.

OMFG - Ray I can't believe how badly you are being treated by your family. No wonder this is so upsetting for you.

Have you read any of the Stately Homes threads offering support for people with toxic families? They may be able to offer you some practical advice on how to emotionally protect yourself.

I'm outraged on your behalf. I would let your DH give them what for - you are in the right, they are in the wrong and you have all of mumsnet behind you

cunts, the lot of them.
Sorry, everything else has been said.
Good luck.

I agree with the other posters who say that you are being treated differently because you're the stepdaughter. I got half way through the second page of posts before I wanted to ask you if you had always been treated differently to your sister or if there was another reason why your family could be annoyed with you. Unfortunately there are plenty of very good evolutionary reasons why you would be the outsider in your family - most animals kill their stepchildren so count yourself lucky that you aren't a lion or something.

My advice is to completely cut the lot of them out of your life and only speak to any of them again if they grovel for your forgiveness. My parents split up when I was very young and my sister was always my father's favourite because she listened to the psychologically abusive bullshit that he spouted about my mum. Eventually the favouritism became so evident that he came up with some bullshit reason to not fund my degree after he payed for my sister's so I cut him out of my life. I have to say that it is the best decision I ever made - I've not spoken to him for about 6 years and I have never been happier or saner in my life. People find it hard to understand and say things like "you have to forgive him, he's your father", my reply to that is that if it was a boyfriend who was treating me like that you would tell me to break up with him so why not when it is a family member?

zipzap makes an excellent point about photos at the party. Everyone knows teens obsessively plaster their facebook pages with pics of their parties, so I'd be very surprised if your sister and friends don't have some of the party at your place on theirs. Most teens are crap about putting up privacy settings, you you wouldn't even need permission to see them. This way you can see if there's a docking system in them AND identify the people at the party.

Again, I would reiterate insisting you meet the owner of the docking system. Tell your family that you've checked your own stuff properly and items of your own are missing, so you are going to contact the police and need your sister, the owner of the docking system and the other party-goers to give statements. If your family protest at this, ask them why your items matter less than this fabled docking system of a mere friend - especially as jewellery is far more precious than what is basically a pair of speakers (and lost cash is a real pain too). Also ask why, if they're so persistent about the owner being paid back, do they not want to get things sorted out properly and legally.

I can understand why your DH is furious. However, if he loses his temper with your family, they'll just twist it to mean he's feeling guilty. Get him to use his anger to be very assertive and forthright, as, and I don't mean this cruelly, you aren't being very assertive at all. Not that I blame you as I can see why you'd not be, with a family who behave like yours

Have you asked you DH if he's seen it? He might have sold it on ebayborrowed it for work.

Otherwise tell your sister that your difinitely haven't seen it and at £350 you can not afford to replace it. If she's really that bothered she should make an insurance claim for it. I would imagine her property would be covered under your parents policy.

marking my place as I want to see how this ends up, :( so sorry your family are a bunch of twats and you need to call the police, if they don't talk to you again, its clearly no great loss is it!

Hi,

Well my Dad didnt turn up with sis last night, which is a good thing because DH probably would have gone completely nuts.
I am not assertive at all and have always allowed them to walk all over me and make me feel guilty for things that i shouldnt even feel guilty for.

Re the FB thing yes there were photos on there but my Dsis has now deleted me as a friend and removed the photos of the party from FB. I knew there was photos as one of my closets friends saw the photos and asked me when i got back.

My family seem to be the only ones who think it was ok for her to have a party and not ask, its completely crazy. And to think it was ok for her to not look after the birds properly because she is 18 and we shouldnt have expected so much from her. My dad even had the cheek to have a go because i didnt pay her.

I realy dont want to go to the police tbh it will just make things worse ifkwim, the ring cannot be replaced because it was brought in Turkey and was one of a kind, the excess on our home insurance if £150 so wouldnt even cover the cash thats gone missing.

if this carries on i think i may just consider it alittle more tbh because i am not being pressured into replacing something that as i have said i havent seen and esp now that i have had a very expensive ring and cash go missing.

God i feel sick ALL the time at the moment i dont know why them make me feel this way.

I have got tears in my eyes reading all of this. They are treating you so badly. NONE of what happened is your fault None of it. It's like Cinderella but much worse!

Your DH sounds lovely and we are all here for you too.