I just don’t think I love her - is this normal?

[nolovehere]

Ok - firstly let me start by saying that I have an adopted DD and a DSS. I am also receiving counselling from adoption UK and have an appointment with my SW who knows the score, so I am not here asking for help - I am posting in AIBU as it has high traffic and I really really want opinions so that I can have informed discussions with SS etc.

My DD was 8 months old when we adopted her (not formally adopted her yet, but she has been living with us for 6 months now). I just don?t love her, and don?t believe I ever will. Not like a child of my own.
I care for her and want the best for her but I just don?t have the bond with her that I believe real mothers have - and can?t see it ever coming.

I am trying really hard to get pregnant (my DH has the fertility problems, and I am thinking of donor sperm), and am seriously in talks with SS as to whether or not to return her to the care system. I know it would break my heart - for her - but I think in the long run we?d all be better off. I?m not really canvassing opinion on whether I should do this, as only my DH and I can make those decisions - but I guess I just don?t really believe that ANYONE can love an adopted child the way you could love a birth child.

So, as I head into these counselling sessions I think I would just be interested in other people?s opinions on that issue - she?s a lovely baby, really, which makes it harder. I like her a lot, - but like I like my nieces and nephews, or my friend?s DC - I just don?t have that motherly rush. I think if she was biologically mine, I believe it would come - but the fact that she came from another family, and will always have links to them, means I just don?t believe I will ever change my mind on this. And I can?t parent a child I don?t love.

Is this normal? I don?t know if I fully believe other adopters who say they love their adopted children like they?d love a biological one. Or is it just me, and do I have issues (that I WILL iron out. I will)

Thanks

name changed, of course!

Ah - moved to tears by your optimism OP. Let us know how it goes moving forward - love to you for being so brave and your baby daughter x

glad you are feeling in a better place already. For me often admitting how I feel has helped me move on and into being in a better place.

All the best, OP. Come and join us on the adoption threads anytime x

so glad that you are feeling better op, and your daughter too, who sounds lovely.

Great to see you are feeling more positive and optimistic, OP

how are you OP?

I haven't read the whole post,but i'm an adoptee.
I was about 2 months old when my Mum and Dad adopted me.
My older Brother was of a similar age when they adopted him.
They were the best thing that could ever have happened to either of us.
We were cared for and loved as any 'natural' child could have been loved.
I don't regret a moment of my life.

hi, I am an OP of a three year old girl.we have been together since she was 22 months old. she is the love of my life and I definately feel my heart lurch when I see her or think about her . I feel a bigger bond with her as we came into each others lives through fate. Not being able to have a birth child of my own makes me count my blessings every day that she is in my life.
I think for me it is about wanting to be a parent and a family, not nessesarily about having my own birth child.