to be fusked off with people's perception of children in care?

[LoopyLoops]

Not a thread about a thread, but inspired by one, whereby it was suggested that foster children are a danger to others.

Children in care are vulnerable and by default disadvantaged in many ways. 35% of the population goes to uni, whereas only 3% (1% until recently) of care leavers do.

Attitudes towards fostered children range from sympathetic to contemptuous.

I'll give you an example. Drinking with a neighbour recently, talking about childhood. He stated "but I don't believe you LoopyLoops, you can't have been in care, you own a nice house and are married..." Now, he wasn't saying this in a "wow! aren't you great" way, but in a genuine "I don't believe you, you're making it up" way. So, I gather the assumption is that care leavers will never achieve, won't own their own homes and won't have happy family lives as adults.

AIBU that this pisses me off?

! fucked not fusked!

YADNBU

Sad isn't it? A good friend of mine fosters - the children she has had have been delightful (I'm not being cheesy here), gorgeous children. They have just had a tragic start to their little lives.

YANBU. I've recently been working with young people in care and they face so very many disadvantages already, it is a shame that one of the biggest hurdles they face is overcoming stereotypes and misconceptions.

Blimy Filibear. That's outrageous. I can totally hardly believe it

The thing that annoys me is that it simply isn't like this in other countries. In Denmark, for example, care leavers have an equal chance of going to uni and therefore of attracting the better jobs. It is not the children who are doing something wrong, it is us as a society.

Feral FFS?

People didn't believe i was in care at school, only after a few of the local bad boys got placed at my home and recognised me did anyone actually believe it.

Sad really, a lot of people who i used to live were actually very funny, affectionate and intelligent people, just sometimes had trouble communicating because of trust issues, which is perfectly understandable, but people would just dismiss them as " those kids in care " as if they were beyond help .

LoopyLoops, i went to Uni and had my rent paid by SS when i was 18.
My SW told me that they rarely offered it to young care leavers as they had little success with it in the past, and that the majority didn't complete their education.

It puts people off contacting SS about 'nice' children as well, as though they would be worse off in care than at home with abusive parents.

Makes me very cross.

yanbu

YANBU. Recent events in my own life have started me thinking about how wonderful it would be to give a child or young person in care a loving and secure home.

OTT, can I ask what county you were in, and how long ago this was?

I went to uni and had 'help' with rent. I'm sure I completed the course (and did well) in order to prove myself to all those non-believers.

I'm going to start a PhD on this subject soon and am interested to hear people's experiences.

Yes, LaWeasel, it seems to put people off reporting issues in "normal" homes when SS could really help, and also puts people off fostering, when we really need lots more foster carers. I recall a recent thread where OP really needed support with her child, but so many posters put across such a vilifying message about "the system". Fortunately the OP saw that her child needed that support, so went against the scaremongering advice.

hairytriangle - do look into it, I bet you'd love it.

I really want to foster but sadly my flat is too small. I'm a teacher/ SENCO so I've got a pretty good idea of what it entails. IF I ever manage to afford a bigger place I will.

Kent, about 8yrs ago.

Loopy I think I would. I think we'd have a fair bit to offer too and would find it everso rewarding.

Having your own baby isn't the only way to be a parent and I kind of like the idea of caring for a person who needs a bit of love, support and security.

I simply want to foster as I like children, and I love the feeling at work I get when I really help a troubled child turn around and build their confidence. I've like to have kids around, any age and I love building relationships up and seeing them go off and start actually seeing their potential. Also I think it would be nice to have company for ds and help him grow up to be well-rounded.

A friend of mine said she would never foster or adopt because "you don't know what you will get". Now, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's the same when you have your own biological children, non?

Tit.

I didn't even know that i could get that help until i burst into tears to my SW about wanting to go to uni but not knowing what to do about it.

They offered it to me, i had to find my own place by the uni, which was hard, they had left it a bit late with the financing etc, but am glad i did it.

Sorry I'm on to a rant now, I'd really happily take older children and teens too. I bet they could do we people who would. Want a bigger house sigh

The UK needs as many caring and capable foster carers as possible.
Unfortunately, i only had 2 foster parents that were decent, still write to them now after a decade, and i only lived with them for 6 months!

Did they not offer you halls OTT?
What did you do in the holidays?
What about books, course expenses etc?
Did you feel emotionally supported?

In answer to my own questions:

I went into halls, they agreed to pay that for 1 term, that got extended to whole of first year.
After tha, SS aftercare gor taken over by NCT aftercare, so their agreement with me was no longer valid. They agreed to pay for part of my rent, but no other expenses (in 1st year I had book allowance).
I went back to foster family in holidays, but they weren't paid for it.
I felt entirely abandoned by SS to be honest.

I think children are children and its adults and sociaty that that children in care down.

I get angry when people have IVF to have "their own child" and when i sugest adoption they answer "The children always have issuses and i'm not up to coping with them" Like WTF.

I would like to adopt or foster but we need to get a bigger house first.

Totally agree regarding the IVF point.

I understand that people want IVF, but surely adoption and fostering need looking at properly first?