to be fusked off with people's perception of children in care?

[LoopyLoops]

Not a thread about a thread, but inspired by one, whereby it was suggested that foster children are a danger to others.

Children in care are vulnerable and by default disadvantaged in many ways. 35% of the population goes to uni, whereas only 3% (1% until recently) of care leavers do.

Attitudes towards fostered children range from sympathetic to contemptuous.

I'll give you an example. Drinking with a neighbour recently, talking about childhood. He stated "but I don't believe you LoopyLoops, you can't have been in care, you own a nice house and are married..." Now, he wasn't saying this in a "wow! aren't you great" way, but in a genuine "I don't believe you, you're making it up" way. So, I gather the assumption is that care leavers will never achieve, won't own their own homes and won't have happy family lives as adults.

AIBU that this pisses me off?

YANBU

There is still this perception that LAC are in care because they have done something wrong i.e. its their fault.

I dont think its something that people even know they think IYSWIM.

LAC can have loads of issues because of what has happened to them but they dont always manifest as violence, sexual behaviour etc. Perhaps the drive to educate the public to these issues has gone a little too far and now people think they know all about the Care System (bit like everyone thinks they know what people with autism are like because theyve watched Rainman etc).

I absolutely agree with higher expectations. Less moves in the system would go a long way in helping LAC stay in school.

I am sorry if it annoys you Loopy (honest) but I DO feel very sorry for kids in care. There are brilliant FCs but I think the system stinks and can sometimes cause more problems for the kids than the reasons they were removed in the first place.

I have my own personal little campaign to stop the use of 'damaged' to describe children in care. I HATE it. Its so insulting and suggested that they are broken in some way. Injured may be better if a word is needed.

Sacked? Lost friends?

What happened? Twats.

1stMrsDV - I don't mind you feeling sorry, what always pissed me off was when people said so, without helping the situation at all. Sympathy has been really helpful to me as a child in care, and although I often felt like a charity case, I didn't complain when friends' parents took pity on me and took me on holiday or took me on fun days out.

Sympathy now, now that I am an educated adult with a career, a good marriage, a beautiful child, a house, a car etc... is misguided and does piss me off. Please don't feel sorry for me. I'm a pretty fucking good and lucky person, save your sympathy for losers!

Totally agree re: 'damaged'. Mis. Lit. and care documentaries have a lot to answer for.

My FIL refers to the local children's home as a "home for miscreants" even though he knows I was in care. He is a twat and that's how he thinks.

Tosser.

Nah, dont feel sorry for you now

SW use 'damaged' all the time! They got shirty with me when I bought it up with them on our preadoption course. They tried to make out I was denying that the children have difficulites (as out DS had been with us nearly 2 years at that point I wasnt that bloody stupid).

They refused to discuss it as I got more and more wound up (in my head). They were talking about my boy! Damaged! How very dare they.

I can't answer right now, sorry.

To be honest, I hate 'LAC'. I try and vary my use of different terms for children in care (which might be more tricky for my thesis!) because I find it so belittling, much like turning SEN into a noun. (SENs anyone?)

OK Phipps, hope you're OK? :)

On the other side

I got into a bit of a 'do' on Netmums one year because there was this stupid thread about getting rid of unwanted broken toys

They were moaning because the local hospital had turned down their offer of a sack full of grotty soft toys (yeah great infection control) and a discussion started about finding the local 'childrens home' where the little babies would be greatful for some toys.

I just had this image of 4 teenagers in supported housing recieving a bag full of Care Bears and Teddy Bears

These women [on the thread] just wouldnt have it that 2 year olds dont live in orphanages in the UK. They were enjoying the romance of it all too much

phipps that is crap, bloody hell.

Miss what a wanker.

Interesting about LAC Loopy. I use it for speed (like DS etc) but take your point. Not sure what else I would use. Used to be Children in Care or Foster children (or more likely Kids). None of them sound particularly nice either.

I dont think I have every used LACs though.

You have your work cut out if you want to change the use I reckon, its pretty embedded now isnt it?

I am happy to start a small revoloution if you come up with somthing more acceptable though

We use CLA rather than LAC. AFAIK that was decided on by a group of young people.

Ugh, I can imagine that Christmas day!

Having said that, before I was in care I would have killed for some battered old teddy bears. I had very few toys. :(

CLA? Sorry being thick but cant work it out.

A few years ago I worked for a private fostering agency, placing children into outr families. We had some fantastic carers, who worked very hard with their foster children and really turned their lives around. I remember talking to one carer who had had two small children placed with her on a long term basis, the children used to call her 'mummy' at school and round their friends, probably so they 'fitted in' with the others. One mum invited the little girl round for tea and was nice as pie until she found out she was looked after and then retracted her offer and wouldnt let her daughter play with the little girl again :(

I think children looked after are very let down by the system, some of the London boroughs in particular were absolute nightmares to deal with and I dont they have improved any in recent years either..

A lot of the population probably think like he does. I know one year in the children's home, a bag of selection boxes went missing from the church they made us attend. Guess who got them blame out of the whole congregation? It's because people tar kids in care with the same brush.

Am enraged and again, probably naive. As a teacher I have taught a number of foster children, some lovely, some not so lovely, just like all the other children. Bloody hate the labelling of kids, let's just make someone's life a little harder eh? Arrghhh, you are right to be royally pissed off.

LoopyLoops - I have 2 toys from when I was small. One I have no idea where it came from and one that I got for Christmas from Father Christmas. I had nothing. Could be why mine have too many clothes, books and toys.

I know what you mean phipps, I'm finding it very hard not to spoil DD.

To be honest, I would rather that people who assume that some adopted or fostered children might have issues that they cannot (or will not) deal with don't try and adopt or foster.

As an ex-residential worker, I've seen the damage and upset that a failed placement (or a string of them) can cause to young people who are already vulnerable because of their original family situation.

In many cases, this was because prospective foster parents had no real idea about what was going to be involved, and as far as I could see Social Workers were only too happy to gloss over any potential issues. Unfortunately, too many people think fostering and adoption is just about wiping noses and tucking eternally grateful 8 year old orphans into bed.

I see your point Beveridge, but I'm talking about the population as a whole rather than potential foster carers.

Surely training should weed out those who can't deal with any problems that might arise?

But then, a lot of people assume parenting your biological child just involves wiping noses and tucking them into bed too...

Believe me, people assuming that you are a danger to their children purely because of your status as a foster child can be pretty damaging too.

I am fighting the urge to spill my guts.

But I just can't today.

Scared.

By PM perhaps Phipps? Or namechange after? Hope you're OK. :(