to be fusked off with people's perception of children in care?

[LoopyLoops]

Not a thread about a thread, but inspired by one, whereby it was suggested that foster children are a danger to others.

Children in care are vulnerable and by default disadvantaged in many ways. 35% of the population goes to uni, whereas only 3% (1% until recently) of care leavers do.

Attitudes towards fostered children range from sympathetic to contemptuous.

I'll give you an example. Drinking with a neighbour recently, talking about childhood. He stated "but I don't believe you LoopyLoops, you can't have been in care, you own a nice house and are married..." Now, he wasn't saying this in a "wow! aren't you great" way, but in a genuine "I don't believe you, you're making it up" way. So, I gather the assumption is that care leavers will never achieve, won't own their own homes and won't have happy family lives as adults.

AIBU that this pisses me off?

Well, lesbians are not just like other women. I'm allowed to say that because I am one. I think that significant life experiences do affect people, yes, though not always in the ways you'd expect and certainly not always in the same way. Beards and ginger hair don't count because they're not significant life experiences.

That's NOT the same as saying they're not fully human, or less individual, or somehow worse. It's not the same as saying that the ways they are different are more important than the ways in which they are the same.

Damn, I'm arguing the point again, aren't I?

Goodnight, Loopy

:) night

ps (I think ginger hair probably is a significant life experience, leads to much (socially acceptable) bullying you know)

Yep, you're probably right. There's a whole other thread in that...

Re boarding school my LA was looking at them for children on the edge of care. Those who having loving but not particularly good parents ( happens more than you think , usually some LD involved).

"Kewcumber,* you are so lovely and thank you for your very king gesture. I am trying to lose weight atm but the enjoyment from you offering is better than eating them so thank you.

TheFirstMrsDV, thank you. I did go to bed and just chatted to DH. He told me not to worry about it as I can't change anything. I should hear something later today but it won't be the end of it, I am sure. I have seen some boots on the web that I really like and could do with so will buy them later as a little treat.

I would love to foster but dh doesn't as he wouldn't want to give them back. Neither would I really and anyway with my history I doubt I would be allowed too.

I would love to be some kind of consultant in social work as some people think they know it all when they are qualified when really they have no idea what it is like for children in care.

Intersting you say that phipps, I always thought there should be a better consultancy programme, I completely agree with you there.

I know our adoption team have adults that have 'gone through the system' give talks to adopters so I there may be something like that you could do?
We have young peoples groups who advise on their experiences.

phipps I am glad you are feeling a bit better and the boots sound like a very good idea to me. Shopping cant solve our problems but it can certainly make us feel better until they are sorted

I agree with something Kew said and its what I was trying to get at last night.

There is a line between educating FC and potential adopters and winding up the general public al la the Daily Mail.

FC and Adopters have to understand the children they may be caring for. Because we dont know how our potential children have been affected we have explore the whole spectrum.

Unfortuantly, like most valid research, the information becomes diluted and messed about with and appears in the DM as 'Foster Kids Killed their Parents' and tales of Social services being sued for allowing dangerous children into normal homes. Because the DM hates the SS and love to put the wind up middle England.

Hester did you get my reply to your PM?
Kew shallow? Woteva

How would I go about it? I have emailed social services before but got a standard reply.

BCBG, that's a really interesting post.

I am an advisory teacher for children in care- we work like social workers in that we have a caseload, and our aim is to ensure that children are getting what they are entitled to and achieving what they are capable of. The job often involves intervening when SWs look to place a child away from a settled school place, or to residential placements with sub-standard educational facilities attached (there are many), working with schools to ensure that they are doing everything they should be to support children in care, working with foster carers to enable them to effectively support their foster children's education, and working with the children on a 1:1 and group basis.

I love my job, and the service has made a significant impact on the achievement of children in care. Let's wait and see if it is cut, which I fear it will be.

Phipps- no idea sorry apart from contacting fostering services /looked after teams. Some Sw are likely to be more receptive than others too

Thanks nymphadora.

You are right loopyloops I have often met people who have some terrible opinions of CLA. I posted on here a while ago about my problems booking a caravan for a holiday. It was a privately owned van and the owner was happy to rent to me until she found out I am a FC. She actually said "oh I don't think I can have that sort of child in my caravan, they might damage it and upset the neighbours" .
I have also known some crap carers though. One is a single male carer who has a teenage ds and fosters teenage boys. Him and his son have their own fridge and the fc has a seperate one. FCs fridge is filled weekly if they run out of food they have to wait until the next shop for more. I've never met this man but have looked after two boys who came from him. They both told the same story 18 months apart so I believe it to be true. I did report him to SS.

sb6699 We have bedrooms on seperate floors. Not a problem here.

dolphin did you complain and hire the caravan? I would have been very cross indeed.

As for the fridge thing, in my experience that is very common. About half of the foster homes I know about do this kind of thing. :(

I really do not like Kerry Katona but I will always remember her saying that the foster carers she stayed with had real Rice Krispies for their children but horrible savers brands ones for the fostered children.

It made me so sad. How bloody horrible. Why would you do the job if you felt that way? Disgusting.

I would like to do long term respite fostering when my youngest are bigger. We have a wet room with adaptations. I would like to work with children with complex needs.

I had similar thefirstMrsDV but with me it was things other than food.

It's a very common thing, sadly.

Makes me very cross. Twats.

YANBU.

I worked for many years with children in care. And we foster.

Children in care have the worst outcomes for any other disadvantaged group of children in the UK.

However, due to the abuse and or neglect many of them have suffered, their behaviour can be very challenging...so I can se why some folk are nervous around them.

Mrs D, its so common, but when i experienced it, well, i was speechless and took vengance by unplugging my foster carer's freezer which she had loaded up with goodies for HER family at chirstmas.

She was awful, she also took us foster kids to butlins, and then 2 weeks later booked a fortnight in Antiga for her and her family, me and my much younger foster brother were put in respite care with only a weeks notice and re homed so far away from our town we couldn't get to school and had to just get on with it, living with a couple used to babies and small children.
My older Foster brother got shipped into the local drug den B&B.

My Foster Mum had 2 fridges, 2 freezers, a larder divided, we all got asda smartprice, everything was smart price, unless we were having dinner with her and the family.

When i started my periods she refused to give me a sanitary towel in the night ( when i started ) and gave me a roll of tissue and told me to use that until she could get some money the next day ( i was 12 ).

We had seperate bathrooms, ours was, well, not nice.

She had 2 living rooms, our room had old, dated furniture covered in dog hair, and smelt like pigs ears because the dog used to munch them in there and she would let it dribble everywhere.

Goodness, now i have a child, i can't quite believe how some people can do that to a child

i work with looked after children,have done for 20 yrs.Feel so strongly about this that i was once on a disciplinary as a neighbour of the childrens home i was working in rang and nastily told me they should turn off the music.They were listening to the radio at a normal volume in the garden on a hot day whilst sunbathing quietly.I told her they were nit doing anything that lots of other people did on a hot sunday and said that i would ask them to turn it down slightly but that unless it was late or went up to a ridiculous level i would not be telling them to turn it off.She complained about me ans as ss thinkl more about public relations than the clients they told me to write a letter of apology. I refused but then after some pressure ended up writing one which was a little ahem sarcastic,i got in hot water but at least i never had to back down to the old bigot haha.

And yes i aggree totally with the fc comments.Some are clearly in it for the money and when people like me raise concerns they are ignored by higher powers.

tethersend I wish there were hundreds of you {sad]

Yes, your job sounds wonderful. Hope it isn't axed. :(