Not to Give a Cash Wedding Gift

[susiesmith]

Hi

I have recently been invited to the evening reception of a wedding. The groom is an old friend from university. The couple are compartive to us very wealthy. I dont know exact salaries but my he is the UK General Manager of a big multinational company and she also has a 'good' job.

Anyway the wedding invitation states on it they would like a cash gift and then has their bank account details to pay money directly into there account.

I have given money as wedding gifts before (both cash and cheques)and when I married I happily accepted cheques and vouchers as gifts. But I just find it a bit much that they have put their bank details on the invite.

I think I may be more understanding of this if the couple were a bit hard up or even of similar income to us.

Anyway I dont want to just pay money into their account as requested so I thought I would buy them present. Such as some nice glasses. Is it unreasonable of me?

If I got married I wouldn't have the balls to do that but I would much prefer it if I was given money than gifts.

DP and I don't need any 'stuff'. We've been living together for eight years. I hate to say it but most of the stuff we were given would probably end up on Ebay.

However, any money we were given would be used to pay off debts etc, so we could start our married life in a less stressful way :)

Of course this is all moot because we probably won't get married and wouldn't ask for money anyway, except of close family. Maybe that makes me inconsiderate as people would be wasting their money...

I too find it odd. Just recently we've been invited to a number of weddings where invite has specified cash or sometimes foreign currency "to contribute to the honeymoon". I am uncomfortable as a straight cash gift makes guest feel obligated to give a certain amount rather than what they can afford. The most recent invite from a very old friend was a second marriage for both (and I know them to be very wealthy). The invite stated "we don't want gifts as have all house-hold goods... But would welcome contributions to our honeymoon". Why? They are wealthy. It would have shown so much class to have said " we don't need anything except your company".

Now that is just grabby, wine. Second wedding and they're touting for cash? I'd have told her to get knotted.

Im not against giving money as a wedding gift, but not in the way it has been asked of you.

Perhaps give them a lotto ticket, but make sure you get one for yourself, with the same numbers on it, so if they win big, they have to share with you

I don't have a problem with the wedding couple's request. That said, if I did have a problem, I guess I'd give vouchers (although in real life, when people give me vouchers, I usually find it very difficult to ever go spend them, and sometimes lose them and they go to waste!).

The thing about giving money in the form of a cheque is that you are
A) Giving them all your own bank details
B) Giving them a good specimen example of your signature.

So I agree that if you are worried about identity theft, them giving you their details to enable direct bank transfer is much safer.

It's odd but not unreasonable. If they are well off then they will have everything they need for the house already and would probably prefer to have money towards a nice holiday or something than lots of little gifts they may not find useful.

If you were to go to a Greek wedding you'd be expected to pin the money to the happy couple's clothes! A bank transfer is much safer.

If you really don't want to give them money, perhaps make a donation to a charity on their behalf?

This happened to me, and it was a very late invite too. I was suspicious, so instead of cash, (you can't put a tenner in!) in the region of fifty quid, I bought a set of lovely, modern lead crystal glasses. I don't give a monkeys whether they ebay them etc. I gave a decent gift that I would have loved. Cash is rude.

Its nothing to do with how much they are worth, they could be mortgaged and credited to hilt for all you know!

But it is the height of vulgarity to ask for anything, never mind money and include ways of paying it! When we (finally!) got married last year I saw an awful lot of companies selling "wishing wells" that were specifically for people to put monetary gifts into, and that made me shudder too!

Oh and if someone was so minded, with the couples bank details they could what was done to Jeremy Clarkson. He published his account number and sort code details in a newspaper to prove that no one could steal his money with just those details. And he was right, they couldnt. But they could (and did) set up a direct debit to a charity for several hundred pounds a month! Not good security to send out that info imo!

Well yes they could be mortgages to the hilt but I very much doubt it - he earns in the region of 100k a year as I saw the job advert for the job he got. She is probably on about 50K.

Anyway irrelevent as I have decided to just send a card now and my apoligises.

YANBU. A friend (well, ex) of mine did this (asking for cash gifts-though he asked verbally rather than on the invitation). At the time I was on income support as a single mum whereas he owned a house which he rented out, could still afford another flat for he and his girlfriend/fiance to live in which was nicer than mine, and she had just been offered a very well paid job too. I got them an Oxfam goat and some chocolates instead, because I don't agree with redistribution from poor to rich. Really, if they needed money they would save by not getting married/not inviting lots of people to a show-offy wedding. Sorry, I'm horribly cynical, but there you go. It's very cheeky to ask for cash as a present except from family members where you know it's ok (e.g. my mum actively prefers giving cash to presents as it means she needs to make less effort :P).

Best thing, really, susie. Honestly, crass and rude people like this aren't worth the effort, much less the money.

I hope you didn't put any money in the card! :o