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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

have had massive row with DS headmaster NOW IM IN THE S**T

211 replies

AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 17:47

posted sunday that ds escaped through broken fence at school, went in to see headmaster to day, and am now in shit.

they managed to get hold of my facebook page and printed off where i had said the school is losing standards etc and that i was still not happy, etc, nothing to heavy or slandering but i was pretty cross.

the school will not accept responsibility for ds getting out, i have tried to meet them half way on it, about the behavior etc but they having none of it.

things got VERY heated today and DS teacher and headmaster joined forces and had me in tears.

i ve asked when is fence getting fixed and they said gonna be a good few weeks. i took ds to our other local school and have enrolled him there to start next monday,
and all because we (me and DP) are never going to have a good parent teacher relationship, and now i ve called his teacher a cow as DS fell off a 4ft ladder and she never told us!!!!!

i feel we been pushed out now, do we move him or see how it goes?

ps sorry i never replied sunday things got out of hand

advice would be greatly appreciated :)

OP posts:
Original poster
AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 19:42

yeah evil twins, that what is doing my head they wouldnt apalogise AT ALL and just made him out to be a naughty child, which we knew nothing bout untill they called us in bout him getting out!!

OP posts:
otchayaniye · 09/11/2010 19:43

mamatomany- no. The veracity or not is not a primary factor in a libel case. It is damage to reputation and balancing that with the public's right to know, and balancing that against the thoroughness in gaining balanced counterviews and right to reply. None of which the op was able, or willing, to do. Many libel cases have been won even though the libel was effectively true.

This is not the se as free speech (defence of utter last resort!)

Whether or not you have privacy settings means nothing in a court. You have self published and so lay yourself wide open. Goes for anything--criticizing hospitals, teachers, doctors, celebrities. Now not all will sue, of course, but you never know. I certainly know of doctors and hospitals and celebs who have.

rebl · 09/11/2010 19:44

I can totally relate to this, its happened to me in almost the exact same situation only a few weeks ago. My DS got out of school through an open gate. Only 4yo as well. School didn't handle it well until I started kicking up BIG stink but I never lost my temper, I just pulled him out of school eventually Wink to force a response. I nearly moved him as well. You need to keep a professional, non emotional head on you. I know its hard when its your child and I nearly failed at that.

I also posted on my FB status about the incident to my FRIENDS but one of my friends told me to remove it because although I didn't name the school it was easy to work it out. I didn't post anything that wasn't true but they were worried that someone from the school might see it and make matters worse. I didn't see any reason why I couldn't post something that seriously was stressing me out that was true on my FB but I guess you can't now a days. I think given your DS's age I would move him.

Myleetlepony · 09/11/2010 19:47

There is already someone on this thread who knows of the school you are talking about. You are very unwise in continuing with this discussion. There is a right way to deal with this, if you want to, and you've been given help on that (I work with school governors and the advice I've given is good). At the moment you are continuing with the wrong way of dealing with it. Do not be surprised if the next thing to happen is someone from the school pointing the staff to this thread.
I really think you should either pursue your issue with the school throught the correct procedure, or forget about it and move on. All this discussion about what supposedly happened and was supposedly said could backfire on you.

MmeLindt · 09/11/2010 19:47

To those who are confused, I can only suggest you look at the first thread, that Alice posted.

YANBU

They have behaved very badly. First in not keeping your child safe. There was a hole in the fence. They knew about this. They should have either had the hole repaired, or had other measures in place until that could be done.

They have no business snooping around on your Facebook page, which you have said to be set to private.

I wish the Hmm posters would either bugger off or have a word with MNHQ if you think that Alice is a troll. I do not, this fits very well with her first post at the weekend. Why would she like about it?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 09/11/2010 19:48

If you are in Wales the body that oversees standards in schools is ESTYN not OFSTED. Children in some areas of Wales start school fulltime the September after their 3rd birthday

Original poster
AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 19:49

no it wasn't my best thought, i didnt think tbh, but even if i do delete the posts they ve actually printed them off!!!

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 09/11/2010 19:49

Alice's first thread

You may notice that she got a lot of support there.

MerryMarigold · 09/11/2010 19:49

LEA and governors involvement. They should know about this kind of thing, esp the governors. They are there to be in the middle of parents and staff, so they are the next call. I'm not sure if I'd move DS or not, depends on his friendships I think. If he has good friends and it's a generally decent school, I would keep him there.

otchayaniye · 09/11/2010 19:49

you lay yourself open to a libel suit even if you don't name the person.

Britain has the strictest libel laws in the world, although you can technically be up anywhere if they can argue it could have been seen on the net anywhere.

Social networking libel is a growth area and sensitive organizations do pay attention

Original poster
AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 19:50

meaning face book

OP posts:
mamatomany · 09/11/2010 19:51

Evil twins, the next child might get run over in the carpark if the school are called to account and made to face their responsibilities and failings. Imagine if you were the mother of a child hurt at school and then you find out it's happened before and the other parent just left it.
I'm afraid these professions have let a child and family down and therefore aren't very professional at all.

mamatomany · 09/11/2010 19:51
  • are not called to account.
thatsnotmymonkey · 09/11/2010 19:52

If I were you I would do the following-

Contact the board of Gov at the school and enquire about a "general" complaint you would like to make. Ask them what the procedure would be.

Contact the LEA and do as above.

Meet the Parent Support Advisor/Family Liason Worker (PSA), talk about the issues you have, ask them if they can be your advocate in the meeting.

Ask for another meeting with HT and class teacher and the Parent Support Advisor/Family Liason Worker.

I would take with me a list of the incidents- dates, times, and the outcomes that you were unhappy about.

I would start the meeting by saying, and saying sincerely- you unreservedly apologise for name calling, it was rude and unnecessary. However that being said there are still unresolved issues that I would like to discuss calmly today.

They try and talk it out. Stay calm, stick to your list. If the meeting is not going how you want it. Hear them out, then say you are not happy with the outcomes and will now issue your complaints in writing to the school and the board of Gov.

You need to really think about what you want and how you can reasonably achieve it.

FB- well that was a daft mistake, but not sure why the school would have that. I would query that. Alot.

MmeLindt · 09/11/2010 19:52

And why is everyone concentrating on the FB thing.

The school did not secure the playground so that Alice's 3yo son was able to escape.

They did not inform her of a 4 ft fall from a ladder.

I hardly think they are in a position of wanting to go to court. At present it would be more harmful to them.

MerryMarigold · 09/11/2010 19:54

OK Alice. I read first thread. Get him out of there. The way they have treated your ds is appalling, even IF he was a very badly behaved child. I can't even believe they have such a thing as a 'naughty book'. Get him out. And take it to the school governors.

Simbacatlives · 09/11/2010 19:54

Merrymarigold

You have to process a complaint through the school first. The la will just refer you back tom the school if the formal complaint procedure has not been followed.

It should not contact individual governors as there will be defined membership of the committee who would both hear the complaint and one that would then process any appeal.

If at the end of this process it has not been resolved the la may then be involved to mediate.

Original poster
AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 19:55

ok so should i leave it now in a way of, if i dont kick up more fuss whats been said been said leave it at that so they may leave it,

jump in there first with LEA

just move schools

im even more confused now!!

OP posts:
thatsnotmymonkey · 09/11/2010 19:56

alice did you read my post?

Original poster
AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 19:59

yeh lol i did read it, what i mean is, cos of the FB thing if they could take me to court am i better to just leave it and see if they change? im frightened that thats what they gonna do now :( :( :(

OP posts:
otchayaniye · 09/11/2010 19:59

I am simply warning people that posting defamatory comments on facebook lays yourself open

pranma · 09/11/2010 20:01

Ofsted=Office of Standards in Education-they undertake to inspect and report on all state education providers[sorry only on page 3 but want someone to just tell the poor lass].

Original poster
AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 20:01

do you reckon they will??

OP posts:
Feenie · 09/11/2010 20:01

Keep reading, pranma! Grin

thatsnotmymonkey · 09/11/2010 20:01

Post your libel worry in legal matters and get a consensus there.