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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

have had massive row with DS headmaster NOW IM IN THE S**T

211 replies

AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 17:47

posted sunday that ds escaped through broken fence at school, went in to see headmaster to day, and am now in shit.

they managed to get hold of my facebook page and printed off where i had said the school is losing standards etc and that i was still not happy, etc, nothing to heavy or slandering but i was pretty cross.

the school will not accept responsibility for ds getting out, i have tried to meet them half way on it, about the behavior etc but they having none of it.

things got VERY heated today and DS teacher and headmaster joined forces and had me in tears.

i ve asked when is fence getting fixed and they said gonna be a good few weeks. i took ds to our other local school and have enrolled him there to start next monday,
and all because we (me and DP) are never going to have a good parent teacher relationship, and now i ve called his teacher a cow as DS fell off a 4ft ladder and she never told us!!!!!

i feel we been pushed out now, do we move him or see how it goes?

ps sorry i never replied sunday things got out of hand

advice would be greatly appreciated :)

OP posts:
Original poster
AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 18:33

my heart is racing lol!!,

thankyou for all your advice, and all of your posts and links,

you must have thought me stupid to name the school, and stupid not to hear of ofsted but honestly this is the truth and really needed mums netters to help which thankfuly you all did, :)

ds is moving schools, as not only was there the parent teacher breakdown but me being angry and upset totally made things a lot worse :(

OP posts:
duchesse · 09/11/2010 18:33

Geez, they HT and deputy actually ganged up to confront you over things you'd put on YOUR fb page. We all know the internet is not private but that is pretty low. How old is your DS as a matter of interest? I'm guessing quite young. In which case they are cacking themselves about the things you put on your page already and are probably this close to being hauled over the coals by the LEA. Theu should have filled in a accident report form for your DS's fall and handed you a slip when you picked him warning to watch for head injury symptoms.

The management of this school sounds unhinged, and they need to be stopped asap. Do whatever it takes to bring them to account for the things that have happened to your son in the last few weeks.

ColdComfortFarm · 09/11/2010 18:34

If the school isn't keeping your child safe you are perfectly entitled to complain about it as publicly as you like. If you plan to keep your child there, I'd be more tactful, if not, then do what you like.

ChocHobNob · 09/11/2010 18:34

It's not surprising you haven't heard of OFSTED if you're in Wales.

ColdComfortFarm · 09/11/2010 18:34

many schools have nursery depts btw, with lots of three year olds in them.

josie14 · 09/11/2010 18:35

Do you think your son is doing well at the school, apart from these two incidents. Would it be in his interests to move him? If you think too much has happened for him to have a normal school life, then there is no point in wasting energy in tormenting yourself over it. Any move will be disruptive to your child and if you believe that the school and you have both made mistakes that could be put right, then it might be worth going back to have a discussion with the goal in mind of how your ds can be helped move on. Be mature and try to see it from their point of view. Ask them for their help to let this not hurt ds in his school and explore what they think you might be able to do to help. Put your DS interests at the centre of the discussion. Good luck.

phipps · 09/11/2010 18:36

Naming the school proves nothing.

aristomache · 09/11/2010 18:36

It sounds to me like one of your FB "friends" have printed that out for the school I'm afraid.

Myleetlepony · 09/11/2010 18:36

Please could you go back and read the advice you have been given on previous pages, Ofsted doesn't apply in Wales.

Simbacatlives · 09/11/2010 18:37

'close to being hauled over the coals by the Lea!

Under what LA (not lea) powers would that be then? How would they know? They would refer a complaint made to them back to the school and ask that the proper complaints procedure was followed.

Original poster
AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 18:39

my ds is 3 n half, i should never have done the face book, but i was angry and was upset, emotions running high, and i apologised to them etc but they literally were more interested in saying ds was just naughty, i did say to them , i know no 3yo is an angel and there can always be pushing shoving snatching etc, i asked if they wanted me in to speak to me every day after school, i even asked if they wanted me to stand and fill in the gap of the fence etc when its play time!!!

it is literally a total comunication break down (it was after all that i called her a cow)

OP posts:
wouldliketoknow · 09/11/2010 18:40

many organizations look in facebook now, well, sometimes brought up by someone,
facebook changed settings automatically a few months ago, setting them all in everyone can see, i am still warning people that i can see their pages before being accepted as a friend Smile, in any case, your 'friends' can always see it, print it and take it to school, work,..
the internet is not private and once something is up, a record can be found somewhere, never, ever, ever post anything incriminating in the internet, never.

in your particular case, move him, at 3 he'll make new friends and complain about it.

Heracles · 09/11/2010 18:42

DON'T PUT CONTENTIOUS THINGS ON FACEBOOK.

duchesse · 09/11/2010 18:42

They are reacting very proactively and utterly out of keeping with how you would expect any school to react, and I've had contact with a fair few as a parent of 17 years and teacher. Only in one of my children's schools in 13 years have I encountered such awful management, and she was pushed out very quickly by the governors (straight into the arms of Ofsted). It is utterly utterly unprofessional to challenge a parent head-on over something they have written on the internet. I'd say they are in the sh1t and are struggling to cover it up, rather than actually tackle the problems head on. It sounds to me as though they are fighting brushfires rather than do any proper management. I'd say on that evidence that the HT is afraid of losing his job, and probably not just over this incident.

lulubooboo · 09/11/2010 18:43

He's young enough. Move him and give him, yourself and his new teachers a new impression and a new start. If you stay at that school you will always be reminded of this and feel bad about the way you responded. This will eventually impact on your DS.

Original poster
AliceInWonderBra · 09/11/2010 18:44

ds seemed to be doing ok in the school untill we were called in, we have always been open with them etc

i thought it was called lea Local education Dept
but as i said, i ve never really had to know.

PHIPPS - naming the school was my way of trying to show you i wasnt lying, i dont know how else im supposed to prove it to you??

OP posts:
Simbacatlives · 09/11/2010 18:47

I have just looked at the thread. The fence was broken- they covered it with a table. The child climbed over the table , crossed a car park and got out.

Schools are not prisons. The question would be about if the school had taken reasonable steps to prevent a 3 year old from 'escaping'.

The only way to remove all risk of a child getting out would be to surround schools and classrooms with 12 foot high barbed wire fences and have locks on every classroom.

The question here would be if the school had reasonable policies and procedures in place to ensure that a child was safe.

Myleetlepony · 09/11/2010 18:47

Well, you've been given some great advice about school complaints procedures, it's probably worth following it.

jybay · 09/11/2010 18:50

What exactly did you say about them on Facebook and was it libellous? (obviously don't repeat it on here if it was). If so, they may have legitimate reason to be angry.

Also, if you call people names, you automatically lose the argument. FWIW, I think you were totally entitled to be annoyed about the ladder incident and the fence but that does not justify name-calling. As someone who works in the public sector (not teaching), I am sick of people using the excuse that they are annoyed or emotional to abuse me.

edam · 09/11/2010 18:51

Alice, hope you've picked up the point that it's Estyn you need in Wales, not Ofsted (which covers England).

Simbacatlives · 09/11/2010 18:51

In wales they may still be leas ( local education authorities)- apologies if they are- I thought they had also changed. In England they are las (local authorities)

phipps · 09/11/2010 18:51

It doesn't prove you aren't lying Hmm. It just proves you can post a name of a school on the internet.

This has been handled very badly on both sides and you need to decide if you are willing to try again with them and work with the school or walk away and learn from it. Starting with a new school obviously.

duchesse · 09/11/2010 18:52

Simba- rubbish. There is a world of difference between a 3 yo and a 10 yo. 3 yo need a lot more supervision and care than 10 yos, the school should have been providing this. It is not appropriate to cover a hole in a fence with a table, especially with a child newly in school who may not have settled yet. Any of us would be at the very least dismayed if this happened to our babies (and they are barely more than babies at 3) and I can really understand why the OP lost her temper with the school especially if they are not dealing with her in a professional manner. She SHOULD have told about the fall. The teachers have clearly decided that the best course of action is to get rid of the OP asap and sweep the incidents under the carpet. Which is inadmissible.

JoBettany · 09/11/2010 18:53

jybay I completely agree with you.