AIBU to think that some parents loose sight of what is acceptable behaviour?

[caspered]

Just been to Pizzahut for what should have been an afternoon treat but spoiled by other parents lack of control of their kids. My two DDs (3 and 6) are not perfect, but we have just been confronted in Pizzahut by one child, about 5 having a total meltdown, which happens I know we have all been there, BUT the parents let this meltdown go in in full volume for 40 minutes!!! I have ignored my child when a tantrum has been in full play, but not in a restaurant where other people (AND PARENTS) are trying to relax or at least eat in some kind of peace. Its not as if there was only one adult, but there was four of them, after 30 minutes the people at the next table just left!! Then to add insult to injury, the next table along with a 'toddler' got out their potty and put it under the table and put their daughter on it in full view of everyone!! I know that potty training can be difficult but Pizzahut have toilets and large ones big enough for someone to sit on a potty in. Quite honestly after this afternoon I can understand why people who have no children sometimes quite frankly look on some parents as some kind of alien species dragged up through the dark ages!! OK feel a bit better now I got that off my chest

Ha! plenty of women demonising each other in RL too..

I have raised my own 4 children and have been to many coffee bars, libraries, shops and other public places with them - and 42 children I have fostered. Not once have I felt contempt towards me and/or the children with me.

If one of the children was behaving in a manner that was likely to upset or affend someone then I removed the child from the situation - simple.

Sakura given all the contemptious instances you have outlined maybe you need to teach your children how to behave appropriately in social situations?

OP YANBU. Who on earth would want to spend their lunchtime listening to a child performing just because the child's parents have no manners or respect for others - or even their own child, SN or not.

If I spotted a child on a potty under the table within any eating establishment I would have no hesitation in complaining to the staff. I would not allow my own children to pee or deficate anywhere other than a toilet and I would not accept it from anyone else.

Some people's parenting skills leave a lot to be desired!

yes.and on mn nearly every group gets a pasting.no spesh widdle categories

"I heard teenagers in the NL are very civilized."

I have been to the NL a few times on holiday, and their teenagers are no more civilized than most of ours. I have come across good behaviour and rude behaviour.

What on Earth does the OP expect. We are all expected to be doing all of this don't smack, let them run, don't shout in public, blah blah feckin blah.

Some people really take all of this shite seriously. I do.

I am not a good parent, my fuse runs out the minute my kids start playing up in public. I want to belt the pair of 'em.

We don't go out for meals anymore. I would, but my DH says absolutely no, because it causes a row the minute we get in a restaurant. They are angels at home but the minute we step out of our front door, I know they are going to be beasties.

mrsC you should go out...I know its not easy but the experience helps them to behave in public...I don't tolerate public foolishness...without experience they cannot learn what is unexceptable...perhaps limit your visits and when they do well praise makes all the difference..

We do of course praise, but when I take my two little angels out, they are murderous.

If we are doing something they like, then they are fine.

I sort of give up. I don't like shouting in public. We have not been to a supermarket as a family in years. They have to wait in the car whilst I do the shop (not alone) you understand.

I genuinely feel that others attitude is so awful that it's not worth it.

I think for many people its not about the behaviour its about parents not giving a shit you see a parent trying what more can you ask for?...you take them shopping give them a list and let them help..first few times it sucks..how old are they?

7 and nearly 4. They are savage.

Alone and individually they are lovely kids,to the point of being angels.

I would try them seperately at first...but I really think it could work...DC taken would make an effort to be sensible..and DC left behind would make an effort when they get the chance..before you knowit 2 well behaved children

Oh Sakura, being a childless woman at 24 is obviously NOTHING like being a childless woman at, say, 44! People expect women to be childless in their early twenties - there will be no negativity. If you are however childless at an age when people start asking, 'so do you have children?' or 'how old are your children', it really is a different thing.

Thanks for making that point, CCF.

CCF... we don't exist in the media either. You either get the stereotypical woman-child out on the piss every night skiving work with a hangover, the young dreamy couple wanting Phil and Kirstie to find them their ideal home who always have a baby in the followup visit, or the mad cat woman spinister. Can't remember the last time I saw a "normal" couple in their 30s on the telly.

Sod it - I've got the mad cat - I'm 50% of the way there.

CCF, I did not say being a childless woman at 24 was anything like being a childless woman at 44. Why on earth did you say that?

I said that being a childless woman at 24 is a completely different experience to being a mother at 25. I have been on both sides of the fence. I have lived as a childless woman and as a mother.

The difference between walking into starbucks (childless) at 24 and walking in with two small children at 28 is phenomenal. Those two experiences are worlds apart and it is those two experiences that I bring to the table in my argument.
The difference in the way I was treated in those two scenarios has been so significant that it deserves mentioning.

emptyshell is talking about her difficulties TTC, which apparently is something to do with me, though i don't quite know what.

emptyshell, you do.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1168904/I-career-women-boasted-childless---puppy-sent-maternal-instinct-overdrive.html

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-482771/The-women-using-sterilisation-form-contraception.html

they just choose to paint a horrible portrait!

i don't identify with being childless, i always wanted to be a mum when i was growing up, and it was heartbreaking to put a sensible hat on and make sure we could support them financially etc before really trying... but i think, from having seen my sister's experiences, vilified is the right word really.

potty under the table? thats just lazy and disgusting i would have mentioned it to a member of staff.

How old are you CCF? It just struck me that me being a youngish mother could be why I've experienced so much negativity of the kind that you have been so lucky never to have come accross.

I think that if you are the only poster who finds going to starbucks with a well-behaved child practically has you run out of town, you need to look at yourself, and your responses and hypersensitivity rather than blaming 'society' and tying yourself in knots about it.

Have I hit the nail on the head?

I had my kids in my 30s. Do you honestly think that everyone in Starbucks hates you for being 28? Really? In a world where nearly everyone is just getting along as best they can, they are spending all that emotional energy on you, and only you?

You had your kids in your thirties.
Good to know.

FWIW, I was 26 with my first, although I was 27 by the due date! Although I don't live in a particularly well off area - at some appointments I felt like an old granny because the average age was probably in the lower 20s...

Why should age matter? My sister was a lot younger than you when she had her children and never got the negativity you perceive.
CCF you are spot on, I suspect if you get constant negativity then you need to look at your parenting rather blaming everyone else.

lol! SO that's it Sakura! All those people in Starbucks hated you and had you run out of town because you are - shock! - 28! And the people at the library were a bit slow about handing over that key because you are - shock! - 28. That's why everyone hates you and disrespects you. I am so pleased you now have that neatly filed and explained.

Eh? This thread has taken a bizarre turn.

I had mine in my twenties and I must say, after I became a mum I noticed that people (women) who normally would have ignored me were all smiley and friendly because I was in the mum club like them.

I felt I got more respect from society actually.

In fact the raising of your status when you become a mother is a strong reason why young girls who have nothing else, and feel they have no future decide to immediately have babies.