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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dump a SMALL WILLY!

290 replies

gobbledegoop · 03/11/2010 13:55

Bit of backround for you, this is a fairly new relationship, he's a nice guy and wants everything i want from life but AIBU...... to finish with him because his willy is too small for me to get any satisfaction Blush

Ive been in relationships in the past where they have had sexual problems/issues and it's soul destroying, i've also had very satisfying sexual relationships so i know what it can be like.

Opinions please.............

OP posts:
LaurieScaryCake · 03/11/2010 15:22

sometimes people aren't a good 'fit' for each other.

I went out with a huge guy once and it was far too big for me - I told him that it wouldn't work out because we didn't fit together and I remember he was annoyed at the time as I was too small for him.

Remember, you have to be Goldicocks Grin - it has to fit just right

nappyaddict · 03/11/2010 15:26

I think you should both try and make the effort to try and fix the sex problem. Give him direction so he's not crap at oral sex. Try new positions etc. Is it 4.5 when soft or hard?

simonedeboudoir · 03/11/2010 15:27

yanbu, dump him. Life's too short

I went out with a tiny - and I mean tiny - in my youth. Deeply unsatisfying.

Original poster
gobbledegoop · 03/11/2010 15:31

Oral sex is all well and good if he improves, but i need more than that.
I do try and guide him but the issue is still with penetration not foreplay.
Its about 4.5 when hard.

OP posts:
Rocketbird · 03/11/2010 15:40

You know what, why the hell are you talking about this with a bunch of strangers on the internet? Talk to the man himself fgs. You can address the issue without making him feel like it's his fault because it isn't. Treat it as a problem between both of you because, quite frankly if you're not being satisfied it's more your problem than his. Give the man some respect.

FWIW I think if sex is more important than anything else then yes, dump him. He must deserve better than someone who won't pay him the courtesy of talking to him and would take the advice of the words on a screen. He can't be that important.

Rocketbird · 03/11/2010 15:41

Oh and I don't agree it's 'fine to dump someone who won't lose the extra weight'. Unless you're a callous arsehole, obviously.

badfairy · 03/11/2010 15:45

YANBU I met someone many years ago that I was sexually incompatible with and as lovely as he was it was just a no go ( and believe me I tried to make it work.) It may sound like this is a shallow reason and if sex isn't important to you then it wouldn't matter but clearly it is otherwise you wouldn't have posed the question.

naughtymummy · 03/11/2010 15:46

FWIW the 2 best lovers I have ever had , had the smallest cocks. I thinks 4.5 inches is enough to give you both pleasure if you both know what to do with it. I am and have always been a big pelvic exerciser though so maybe thats why. I would stick it out for a bit, see if you can both make it more satisfing. How long have you been together ? Do you think he has had much sexual experience? Have you? I think there is nearly always room for improvement :)

naughtymummy · 03/11/2010 15:52

While I dont think it's acceptable to ?dump? someone , because of some percieved imperfection, who after all is perfect ? If you have both repeatedly tried to address a problem in your relationship and one party is unwilling to consider changing their behaviour then what choice does the other partner have? To stay in the relationship unhappily or to end it.

Original poster
gobbledegoop · 03/11/2010 15:54

Sex is not MORE important than everything else but it is AS important.
He is 35 and i am 30 so there is sexual experience on both sides.

OP posts:
Original poster
gobbledegoop · 03/11/2010 16:02

Exactly BADFAIRY, i guess those who disagree with you don't view sex as important in a relationship. I'm not being shallow to expect sexual fulfillment, i would be shallow if i said i want to dump him because he's ugly or something! (not that he is btw)

OP posts:
gelflingirl · 03/11/2010 16:04

Im really confused why you ROCKETBIRD find it so strange that OP would ask this question to "a bunch of stragers"?? This is what this forum is for and i for one think it is much nicer getting other peoples views rather than telling him hes too small and therefore upset him!! Also, the fact that shes getting other peoples opinions shows "sex is not more important than anything else" because otherwise she would have dumped him already!!

I understand GOBBLE, you simply want what you should be entitled too, a fulfilling relationship in EVERY respect.

gelflingirl · 03/11/2010 16:08

Naughtymummy, i dont think his behavior is the problem.................

simonedeboudoir · 03/11/2010 16:09

Rocketbird, the whole point of MN is that we're able to raise issues anonymously 'with a bunch of strangers' Confused

simonedeboudoir · 03/11/2010 16:10

x post gelflingirl Grin

mayorquimby · 03/11/2010 16:12

Don't see the problem in getting rid of. From a blokes perspective there's certain physical features which would be good enough reason for me to finish with her so don't see how it's any different.

mayorquimby · 03/11/2010 16:14

"I'm not being shallow to expect sexual fulfillment, i would be shallow if i said i want to dump him because he's ugly or something! (not that he is btw)
"

I don't see a difference, but then again I don't view either as being shallow. Surely being attracted to someone physically is on a par with sexual fulfillment. Both would be fundamental to any relationship I'd be in.

gelflingirl · 03/11/2010 16:22

SIMONEDEBOUDOIR lol great minds and all lol

ApocalypseCheese · 03/11/2010 16:25

I ave just sprayed tea all over my phone at 'wizards sleeve' Grin

Mibby · 03/11/2010 16:30

Its perfectly possible to be on the small side and still have your partner screaming the house down, just as its possible to be hung like a donkey and utterly useless in bed.

If youre not happy with your sex life and cant see the situation improving its probably better to move on now, rather than 'wait and see' and get stuck in a relationship youre not happy with.

naughtymummy · 03/11/2010 16:32

I was reffering to ending a relationship if someone was significantly overweight and refused to diet. If gooble has tried to improve their sex life and it hasn't worked for whatever reason, then why should she stay in an unsatisfiing relationship. I was merely suggesting that with experience together you can nearly always make sex better, unless one partner has no interest.

NordicPrincess · 03/11/2010 16:33

its a completly differen story if you meet someone and are not happy with an aspect of them, like penis size or weight to leaving them once they have had an accident of put on weight, i dont think you can compare the two

Original poster
gobbledegoop · 03/11/2010 16:50

Thanks gelfling and simone.
And well said Nordic.

Small side and screaming the house down.... really??!

OP posts:
naughtymummy · 03/11/2010 16:53

NP maybe not ,but you can't realy help if you are just not as attracted to your partner now that they weigh 20st rather than the 9 they were when you met them. If they love you and care about your happiness and fufillment then shouldn't they at least try to lose the weight. Of course if someone has an accident and are subsequently disfigured that is different, although such a couple might be offered counselling.

I am just saying from personal experience that you can have great sex with a small willy and that men who aren't so great at first can improve in bed. Of corse gooble dosen't have to stay in her relationship, but if it is otherwise great then she might want to stick with it to see if things improve.

naughtymummy · 03/11/2010 17:05

Also wanted to say just because he is 35 doesnt mean he is very experienced, have you asked about his past experiences ? How is the relationship otherwise? Does he know you are not satisfied? Does he care? Yes the best sex I ever had was with someone with a very small willy, sadly there were other problems( not in bed) but I still remeber those nights fondly .:)