To take exception to a friend's comment in his birthday invitation re: non-alcoholic drink for me because I'm pregnant?

[RedHeels]

This morning got a text from a friend asking me to confirm whether I will be coming to his birthday do in a couple of weeks taking under consideration I will be very pregnant. Polite text, asking me how it's all going, all fine till I read: "First (non-alcoholic, for you) drink free (...)". Then some bits about other pregnant ladies being there so I can have a chat with them so I could see he meant well.

But... It did piss me off. People are just like sheep perpetuating the same myths over and over again before checking any info plus I do find it patronising coming from a man who has no clue about women's/ babies' health. I don't like being told what to do just because I'm pregnant. This is not to start a drinking in pregnancy debate, just would like to know whether I would be UR to say something like "don't worry about it, I will get my allowed glass of wine myself".

On (rare) special occasions I have max 2 units (which is a 175 ml glass of 12%, medium strength, wine), so mate's birthday would fall under 'special occasion' description. Plus I have an advanced certificate in wine and spirits so I know a little bit about drinking and pregnancy... so thanks mate for setting the boundaries for me in case I don't know myself.

But this thread is not about risks to women its about fas only risk is for the child sheesh!

The thread isn't even about FAS. It's about whether RedHeels' friend was being a good friend, trying to make sure that she would feel comfortable at his party whilst 'very pregnant' OR whether he was being a woman-hating arse and trying to control her and every other woman by daring to think she might not want to drink alcohol or that she might want to speak to other pregnant ladies.

Scheez. Clearly the man needs lynching because he is a man and therefore will probably indulge in a bit of light DV on the side at any opportunity.

No one wants to lynch him. I think most people pointed out that he probably meant well, bless him.

redflag, DV is a risk to the child. It causes miscarriage, premature labour and developmental problems. It's a massive risk. Much bigger than peanuts or the occasional glass of wine.

How the hell did this thread turn into another all men are abusive, be careful of the DV risk thread?

Alcohol they don't know the risks or how much causes FAS so the NHS advise not to have any alcohol in pregnancy at all, there are no longer safe limits. They don't enforce it, they just presume most women will think for themselves and follow the advice.

I think he was just being considerate tbh, having just give birht myself, I was in a similar position bfore birth and thought nothing of it.

Yep you are absolutly right emmyloulou pointing out that DV is the greatest risk to pg women is exactly the same as saying 'all men are abusive'

Has this thread turned into an "all men are abusive" thread?

Really?

When? Where? Who said that?

Did i say it was not a risk then? god i love these threads, argue for argument's sake!

I said fas is a risk for baby only, no risk for pissed up mum! DV is a risk for both, and not as easy as not drinking is!

Why do people not read posts before they object to them!

Actually, DV is very easy to avoid.

You just don't hit your partner. Simples.

Not quite that simples, if the partner is hitting you.

Agreed. So don't you wonder why the NHS don't concentrate on telling men not to hit their pregnant partners, instead of banging on to women about not taking risks that have never been evidenced?

And I note that no-one has answered the question about whether they stay out of cars when they're pregnant. Because that is a bigger risk, than drinking the occasional glass of wine.

Well they do, like i said in a previous post i was bombarded with leaflets, helpline numbers and drawing to demonstrate DV just in case i was not aware i was being hit :/

Every toilet in the maternity ward in the hospital i went to had posters telling women they are not alone. And numbers to call free phone, that do not show on bills.

I was never told once not to drink.

Actually, that's rather cheered me up redflag.

unsurprisingly males don't present much to antenatal.staff primarily communicate with the pt eg pg female.and a myriad of info is discussed from gardening in 1st trimester to support available if supporting dv. car seat for baby on discharge,post natal follow up,pelvic floor, mental health,physical health

op and any pg woman can individually chose whether or not and how much alcohol to drink.it isnt illegal,is individual choice

and i think the chap described in op was trying to be helpful,not dis-empowering and not searing social comment about social control of pg women either either

PG women are easier to hit though; bigger target innit.

(exits whistling tunelessly)

Herbeatitude,

They have changed their tune on Dv my first child was born 5 years ago, didnt really get any info, And my third was born this June. I am glad too, as i know a woman who systematically gets her lip busted pregnant or not, Hopefully she will take note.

I think you must decline the invitation. You are clearly not good friends.