To take exception to a friend's comment in his birthday invitation re: non-alcoholic drink for me because I'm pregnant?

[RedHeels]

This morning got a text from a friend asking me to confirm whether I will be coming to his birthday do in a couple of weeks taking under consideration I will be very pregnant. Polite text, asking me how it's all going, all fine till I read: "First (non-alcoholic, for you) drink free (...)". Then some bits about other pregnant ladies being there so I can have a chat with them so I could see he meant well.

But... It did piss me off. People are just like sheep perpetuating the same myths over and over again before checking any info plus I do find it patronising coming from a man who has no clue about women's/ babies' health. I don't like being told what to do just because I'm pregnant. This is not to start a drinking in pregnancy debate, just would like to know whether I would be UR to say something like "don't worry about it, I will get my allowed glass of wine myself".

On (rare) special occasions I have max 2 units (which is a 175 ml glass of 12%, medium strength, wine), so mate's birthday would fall under 'special occasion' description. Plus I have an advanced certificate in wine and spirits so I know a little bit about drinking and pregnancy... so thanks mate for setting the boundaries for me in case I don't know myself.

Not sure what point you're trying to make now SGM.

HB - SOME men are wankers, yes. Some aren't. Women too! I just don't see the point in making things into feminist wars that don't need to be.

Well, OP, if you can only drink a small amount of alcohol I think you need to send another text explaining to your friend you can only drink the absolute cristal chateau neuf dom perignon vintage '82 best otherwise you get nasty reflux so if he could have it on ice ready for when you arrive you'd be ever so grateful and thank him for being such a sweetheart as to think of you

Know what you mean about the 'helpfulness' of single childless men. I seemed to get that a lot when pregnant too.

If you're still feeling bitter&twisted/hormonal/slightly unreasonably sensitive you could have a little google on the effects of alcohol consumption on virility and quality of sperm and have a few facts ready next time someone childless and male tries to be helpful...but then I'm still bitter & twisted 10 months after having given birth! You might be a little easier going than me

But FAS affects the fetus not the mother! Why are you talking about risks to women?Its the baby fas risks!

redflag, that is why they are avoiding this question

who has to take the risk to see what an unborn baby tolerance to alchol is.

Right so that is not suggesting the fas is genetic,its suggesting the way women "handle" alcohol is genetic.

This bares no relevance on the topic, and actually backs up my " We don't know how much is too much" Argument! For my child it may take one glass of wine, for yours it may take a bottle.

I dont know a huge amount about FAS but I was under the impression that there are physical abnormalities that can identify a child with FAS (E.g. spacing of eyes, shape of eyes, top of lip, nose etc..)

I agree with BelligerentGhoul too, every word. Especially as someone who's 39 weeks pg

Such hostility to the OP's friend...

God knows what's happened to some of the posters on this thread, but to talk about control in this particular situation is a bit strange IMO

There are they are they ways it can be identified Barbie, Also two of the children i know born with fas have been born without bottom holes. I don't know if that is coincidence or not.

Auntie, That's just it, its not the mother risking anything, its the poor baby.

AFAIK Alcohol is first broken down by the liver before any remnants cross the placenta. Therefore personally I think that problem occurs when the amount of alcohol greater and the liver can't process it quickly enough so the unprocessed actual alcohol gets through to the placenta. So it isn't the same as the foetus actually having a glass of wine when the mother has one...

But I would not start saying to other pregnant women 'oh, go on, have one!' because that is only what I think for myself. That's all.

aaaaaAAARGHandbreathe I like your suggestion but I think he would have a heart attack... True though, I'd rather have a small glass of somehting nice/ good quality rather then a bucket of Strongbow.

BarbieLovesKen I would definitely take under consideration an opinion of a woman with 20 children although probably not on contraception...

your friend is just being thoughtful

StewieGriffinsMom, What are you on about! You have just told me about genetic links between certain women's alcohol break down, and fas that bares no relevance on fas!

Maybe he thoguht you'd feel left out being invited to a birthday party involving lots of alcohol and was trying to be nice to you and making it known you wouldn't be the odd one out?

BG - it's not making the issue into a "feminist war".

Using pregnancy to control and police women's behaviour is a real feminist issue, not a silly war that we don't need to bother about.

And as for saying tht DV is not a risk to a child - do you not know about DV induced miscarriage?

StewieGriffensMum - that makes sense (about facial abnormalities only when alcohol is being consumed)

Redflag two without bottom holes? that is absolutely heartbreaking.

Redheels PML @ contraception.

fgs, why fucking drink when you are pregnat...all those who say a tipple is ok...then put a small amount of wine in the babies bottle.

In my last post, the third sentence should be after the first one. Otherwise it doesn't make sense .

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0074g5g

I'm not hostile to the OP's friend.

Just to the spreading of pregnancy myths and the issue of using pregnancy to police women's behaviour.

The idea that one glass of wine might be harmful to a baby, is absolutely ludicrous. Most women don't know they're pregnant until the baby's nervous system has been formed. Which is the most vulnerable time, in terms of harming the foetus.

A generation ago, the womb was thought of as a safe place. There, swimming in a warm, dark sea of amniotic fluid, the developing fetus was protected from the dangers of the world.

Now we know that this is not exactly the case. Just as nutrients and oxygen flow across the placenta from the mother to the fetus, so can harmful chemicals and infections. This knowledge might make you a bit anxious, but it can also help you to avoid many of these prenatal dangers.

Alcohol

Worldwide, alcohol is probably the greatest single cause of birth defects. The main features of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) are poor growth, abnormal facial features, and cognitive impairment ranging from problems of learning and attention, to more severe mental retardation. Many children who do not have the full FAS picture may have a milder form, with learning problems but not the physical signs.

Not all women who drink heavily during pregnancy give birth to children with FAS. Certain ethnic groups are biologically more susceptible to the problem. For most women, it's probable that a small amount of alcohol won't cause major ill effects. On the other hand, no safe level has been defined, so the most cautious decision is to avoid alcohol altogether. This is especially true during the first three months of pregnancy, when the fetus' vulnerability to alcohol effects may be greatest.

I meant that DV seems irrelevant to this thread, albeit an important issue in itself. That's what I meant by saying I didn't know what your point was. DV and drinking in oregnancy are two hugely different issues.

I can't agree with you re: the policing women's behaviour thing. The OP's friend was trying to make her feel comfortable about attending his party, that's all. I think to find a battle in his well-meaning text is unnecessary.

AuntiePickleBottom, do you really not see the difference between putting wine in a baby's bottle, and drinking a glass yourself?

Are you unaware of the existence and function of the liver?