To have splatted a half eaten ice cream cone on his head?

[AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong]

Husband arrived home from work. Kids and I had finished our tea and were eating our ice cream. He heated his up in microwave and joined us at the table. Sausage, mash, onion gravy, carrots and sweetcorn.

'oh, I'll just get some brown sauce' - he jumps up and goes and gets it. I say 'EEERR thats gross, try it without first.' He starts to squeeze - 'just try it first (nervous laugh to make him feel like I am not 'telling him' although this is obviously lost in translation)as the bottle of brown sauce is then lobbed across table and onto floor, DS4, DD1 and mother all look on mouths gaping, although mother then remembers that such childish ways of communication are quite commonplace from him.

Mother thinks (in a very quick flash) - all these things all at once - I am angry because he has had yet another 'tantrum', I am angry at myself for even saying anything anyway, he wasn't trying to say my food was tasteless, he just wanted extra flavour. And I decide to let it go and just carry on eating my ice cream... then I look up at him and he is glaring at me as if I am the wife from hell. Something inside me just releases and I just cannot resist, 'splat'! I didn't really think about it, and I am still not entirely sure of my motives but I think it was 'well, if he is going to have a tantrum, so will I'! And I certainly did not consider the consequences!

I could tell he was extremely angry by the rage in his eyes - which to me seemed absurd, to be so angry at such as silly thing, so I laughed, so much and so hysterically that I looked quite deluded, so I left the room to put the kids bath on.

About 10 seconds later, hubby was upstairs getting ironing board out 'What are you doing, you should eat your tea it will get cold' - yes you guessed it - its in the bin!

Of course, my trip wire is finally pushed right over the edge and rage erupts as I think of how ungrateful he is and feel really annoyed at him trying to punish me by making me feel guilty that he now has had no tea.

I know I was unreasonable. I know he was unreasonable. I also think it is so funny and thought you all must deserve a laugh!

We are still out of sorts with each other because I am always the first to apologise, have been for 9 years, but tonight, I am just waiting for him to decide enough is enough and that he wants to make amends. I will let you know if he ever does - very doubtful!

I will end up saying sorry, then he will say sorry. I don't think I will be able to let it go on much longer.

AAAHH, the joys of having a marriage to uphold!

erm dittany. he didn't dcide what to eat. OP chose to make something that she knew he didn't like.

i think you need to step back from this diattany and maybe view it from a not so 'female is always the victim' stance.

He does like mash, in small quantities. He just does not like it if I pile the plate high with it and it is not his ideal perfect meal. But we all love it so we have it once ever three weeks or so.

I am most definitely not the victim of domestic violence or abuse. If there is any abuse, it is from me to him and then him getting too annoyed (understandably so imo). I have just realised that I have a lifelong debilitating personality disorder (most probably) since starting this thread so perhaps I needed you all to see and judge how utterly ridiculous this farce of a scene was.

dittany - You are sure I am in denial about abuse, but I assure you, I am not. I am lucky to have such an understanding man who forgives my problems when they are at their worst because he loves me and knows neither I nor he is perfect.

He also knows that I try my dammed best to be a loving perfect wife and mother all day every day, but never ever succeed.

Dittany - I do agree that he should not seek to show me he did not want so much mash by adding brown sauce - but he is not that good at expressing himself verbally - hence sometimes a couple of things get harmlessly lobbed (only equivalent to slamming a door imo).

This was a 'straw that broke the camels back' moment.

An explosion seemingly over nothing was in fact over years of perceived lacking in myself.

I don't expect anyone to understand.

Haven't read whole thread, apologies, but it is long. Just wanted to say to OP if its rare occurence & you're both under a lot of stress just now, then its no biggie (IMO) & is a bit funny (my sis & I once threw hot dogs wi ketchup at each other across kitchen table in rage & we really laugh about it now ). But, if this is how you feel regularly with each other then its not good & you need to try & change things, for all your benefit.

Dittany I think you're getting played like a fiddle here

Dittany = My childhood - well, for example, my class was asked to write on a gold card something we would love to achieve in our life so we could keep it and remember why we are working at school. I wrote 'a better personality'. I was in year 3.

I put everyone in my life's needs before my own. It is just heightened in husband because we are so closely entwined together.

It is not stereotyped by sex but by my constant need to seek approval for EVERYTHING. And to be perfect at EVERYTHING. ALL THE BLOODY TIME.

Honestly, my husband is a bossy, quite short tempered and a little childish saint imo.

as you say op - you were both wrong.

now i haven't read all of the thread ( about the first third)

but my initial reaction to your post was " well done, good for you!"

now, regarding the sauce thing - im NOT precious about food and cooking in general, but if i make an effort and food isn't eaten or some kind of disrespect for my efforts is shown, then yes - i think its perfectly reasonable to get upset.

i dont have an issue with sauce - except for when i make my lovelly infamous stew.

my stew is so gorgous, brown sauce spoils it - it doesn't need it and i do think "how bloody dare you, basterdise my creation with this gunk!" i can become annoyed over it. so i understand - esp. if someone adds sauce to everything

now the diff between you and me is this, if dh doesn;t like what i cook - he can cook HIMSELF sommat else.

however i wouldn't make him ...say mash...if i knew he didn't like it - why would you do that?

presumably he had come home after a days work to be presented with a meal which wasn't appealing - in this situation SURELY brown sauce is very warrented.

ANYWAY................thats not the point

the point of the whole thing is anger.

your dh shouldn't have thrown something in front of the children and you make it sound like ( from your op) that hes quite regularly spatting and sulking. so good for you, i think some ice cream would have done him good.

if this is a regular thing infront of the kkids - its not on - if not ...meh, show em mummy has balls won't do em long term damage ( unless they are spectacularly shelered and precious)

oh amd why do you apologise first you nobber

he was clearly being a monsterous prick from pricksville USA, you should have told him to fuck off until he apologises - or else you are condoning this behaviour

stop apologising first its pathetic

X posted there OP, I think I understand, I have quite a temper too & could def see that happening in my house

Dittany is not being played. She simply is concerned that I am in denial. It is simply obvious to her that I am. And all my attempts to convince her of the contrary are seemingly futile.

Dittany - look up Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Be sure not to confuse it with the many other forms because they most definitely do not apply to me. For example - I possess the ability to empathise and do not exploit others for my gains as in Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

No always, I think that dittany is very kind, helpful and intelligent and I think you are attention seeking and very cleverly making up new stuff as you go along in order to have another person feel sorry for you.

Do you feel better for posting this ALWAYSMEAN...?

agree with hedgeblunder

Dittany - I would rather describe the symptoms than the causes, as I am not so sure I remember very well exactly how my childhood went.

I have a couple of snippits - one is being thrown against a wall and knocked unconscious by my mother, another hit on the head with a metal brush because I wouldn't keep still whilst she brushed my hair and I don't remember anything about my father in the early years, except for him coming home from work at 7pm blue and covered in paint, after I had made tea, cleaned the house, bathed and bathed my younger siblings and put them to bed as my mum had gone to work at 4pm when I got home from school. The meal I made most was bangers and mash with onion gravy. I spent hours and hours of my youth peeling potatoes, I can remember that. Maybe that's part of the weight of the straw.

This is just a snippet, unfortunately there are scars of other kinds that I am too embarrassed to mention, but equally robbing of your youth. Funny that my mother was also robbed, in much a worse way, of her youth as well.

Thats why I have to be perfect wife and mother now. And why I can never ever be angry. I never smack, never shout and discipline my children using methods from a book 'The Science of Parenting' because it helps you understand the childrens feelings and distress and meet them there and help them to become emotionally secure adults. (I am still trying to become one of those.) (I really am totally sane most of the time~!

Not all the points apply to me - only 14 of them.

Well, if people want to think I am attention seeking, then that's up to them. Maybe I am - otherwise why on earth would I have exposed this home truth on a public net???

which ones?

Blimey is this thread still going?

To be honest, now I look more closely at the list, in a way, more of them apply to me. You have to look very hard at your behaviour and of course they don't apply all the time, and a lot are hard to admit so you deny them even to yourself.

I don't think I lack empathy, I definitely do not degrade others (except when extremely angry in a fit of rage and splat vanilla ice cream on their heads of course), exaggerate or boast - well, the opening thread is a little exaggerative I suppose, and covers up with psudo... I am not sure exactly what that means.

you have to be so bloody good at English to work these things out.

Why would I still be here trying to explain and answer peoples questions if this were a wind up? What exactly would I stand to gain?

Yesterday I thought I was seriously normal and that everyone was like me to one degree or another and now I am on the brink of trying to find some sort of official help to ensure I don't screw up my whole life stuck in this stupid roundabout.