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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have splatted a half eaten ice cream cone on his head?

324 replies

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 20:19

Husband arrived home from work. Kids and I had finished our tea and were eating our ice cream. He heated his up in microwave and joined us at the table. Sausage, mash, onion gravy, carrots and sweetcorn.

'oh, I'll just get some brown sauce' - he jumps up and goes and gets it. I say 'EEERR thats gross, try it without first.' He starts to squeeze - 'just try it first (nervous laugh to make him feel like I am not 'telling him' although this is obviously lost in translation)as the bottle of brown sauce is then lobbed across table and onto floor, DS4, DD1 and mother all look on mouths gaping, although mother then remembers that such childish ways of communication are quite commonplace from him.

Mother thinks (in a very quick flash) - all these things all at once - I am angry because he has had yet another 'tantrum', I am angry at myself for even saying anything anyway, he wasn't trying to say my food was tasteless, he just wanted extra flavour. And I decide to let it go and just carry on eating my ice cream... then I look up at him and he is glaring at me as if I am the wife from hell. Something inside me just releases and I just cannot resist, 'splat'! I didn't really think about it, and I am still not entirely sure of my motives but I think it was 'well, if he is going to have a tantrum, so will I'! And I certainly did not consider the consequences!

I could tell he was extremely angry by the rage in his eyes - which to me seemed absurd, to be so angry at such as silly thing, so I laughed, so much and so hysterically that I looked quite deluded, so I left the room to put the kids bath on.

About 10 seconds later, hubby was upstairs getting ironing board out 'What are you doing, you should eat your tea it will get cold' - yes you guessed it - its in the bin!

Of course, my trip wire is finally pushed right over the edge and rage erupts as I think of how ungrateful he is and feel really annoyed at him trying to punish me by making me feel guilty that he now has had no tea.

I know I was unreasonable. I know he was unreasonable. I also think it is so funny and thought you all must deserve a laugh!

We are still out of sorts with each other because I am always the first to apologise, have been for 9 years, but tonight, I am just waiting for him to decide enough is enough and that he wants to make amends. I will let you know if he ever does - very doubtful!

I will end up saying sorry, then he will say sorry. I don't think I will be able to let it go on much longer.

AAAHH, the joys of having a marriage to uphold!

OP posts:
Boobalina · 29/10/2010 20:51

There isa obv much more to the brown sauce tutting / brown sauce hurling / ice cream splatting - pent up hatred, hurt and upset....

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 20:53

Littlemiss - I often make three course meals, to which he always adjusts the spice levels/sauce etc - I usually let it go and never say anything, even though I do sometimes feel a teency bit like he is not fully appreciating my efforts.

OP posts:
HeadlessPrinceBilly · 29/10/2010 20:54

Wind up. On the off-chance you are for real, get some fucking therapy for the both of you before you completely warp your children.

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 20:56

I think perhaps this was the cumulation of 9 years of me making every single meal, and even when I go to painstakingly large efforts to make it perfect for him because I love him so much, I feel hurt a little bit inside because he changes what I have tried to make as perfect as I possibly can.

OP posts:
knitpicker · 29/10/2010 20:57

I think you are all being very harsh. Yes, they are both obviously unhappy but it wouldn't kill you to temper your language just a little and try and be understanding. I understand you are annoyed because you felt he passe djudgement on your cooking without even tasting it, I would be pissed off too - he has no tact. However, you over-reacted and behaved badly as a bargaining tactic - if I behave like a child perhaps he will suddenly behave like the adult. Unfortunately it didn't pay off and now it's a race to the bottom. You both need to wake up and see that this behaviour is unacceptable and have a state of the union chat about how you can turn things around in your marriage for your own sakes and for the sake of your kids.
All of the above posters have mentioned that this behaviour is indictative of deeper problems between you, I would definitely consider counselling.

HonestRich · 29/10/2010 20:58

I like brown sauce on bacon sarnies too

HonestRich · 29/10/2010 20:58

I like brown sauce with shepards pie

izzywizzywoowooo · 29/10/2010 20:58

It sounds like your jealous of the sauce...Confused

ISSUES!

PaisleyPumpkin · 29/10/2010 20:59

Cor that's a bit passive aggressive (love him so much....make as perfect) - it just doesn't tally up with you not wanting to put some brown sauce on his food.

HonestRich · 29/10/2010 20:59

I like brown sauce with cottage pie

LittleMissHissyFangs · 29/10/2010 20:59

oh hell yeah, this is a wind up.

someone kindly chuck the hairy arsed trucker her a goat to roast...

HonestRich · 29/10/2010 21:00

I like brown sauce with sausage sarnies

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:00

passive aggressive ??

OP posts:
Blu · 29/10/2010 21:02

Your usual style of letting things go? Criticising him and caling him gross beause he fancied some brown sauce on his sausages? Would allowing hi to make his own choiuce about sauce have been 'letting things go'?

You started it. He over-reacted, you over-reacted even more badly beause you chucked ice cream on him, not the floor.

HonestRich · 29/10/2010 21:03

i like brown sauce with cheese on toast

SkeletonFlowers · 29/10/2010 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

traceybath · 29/10/2010 21:04

Creepy.

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:04

I promise it is not a wind up. From the responses I am almost tempted to wish it was. However, I am human. No one got hurt, we all got a bit angry. It was all over in a flash, and yes I have come down of my high horse and resorted to apologising - he apologised too and we kissed ( will probably finish making up later....)

I am just so amazed by what happened when I broke the, just let it go, way of life at what actually happens when you get really annoyed at stupid little things.

I am amazed at how many on here are so in control of all their emotions that they have never, ever lost it to the detriment of good behaviour as adults!

I am somewhat surprised by how many people think my marriage of 9 years, which is nearly 3000 days, could be wrecked by one little farce!

OP posts:
Tigeristhewickerman · 29/10/2010 21:04

Gosh Always you've had a bit of personality change between the ice cream wars and the love in. I think you've more problems than Brown Sauce man.

Are you on a break in from one of those techie forums? Or longing to get back to skool on Monday?

AlwaysMeanWellOftenWrong · 29/10/2010 21:05

Blu - yes I would usually try to avoid saying anything about sauce adding, chilli adding etc even if I have made something extravagant. That's included in the trying to let things go.

OP posts:
HeadlessPrinceBilly · 29/10/2010 21:08

You really need a hobby. And stop kidding yourself about how happy and perfect your marriage is...because that shit is not normal.

Gory09 · 29/10/2010 21:08

"which to me seemed absurd, to be so angry at such as silly thing"

Your Dh probably thought the very same when you got angry at him getting the brown sauce.

Hope you have both calmed down a bit.

izzywizzywoowooo · 29/10/2010 21:08

What is there to 'let go' about sauce?! Confused

HonestRich · 29/10/2010 21:08

Stop arguing you lot and be nice! Its friday today!

If you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all. Or I will send you to your rooms with no supper!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

izzywizzywoowooo · 29/10/2010 21:09

What werey your DC thinking in all of this, they must of been confused and scared surely?