Tess, just wanted to say that I think you're being really great in dealing with this.
I too got pregnant when I was quite young...didn't use contraception....didn't consciously want a baby but knew that I was pregnant within a couple of days. I come from a fantastically supportive family but was really pressured by my mother into having a termination which I went on to do. There seems to be a lot of pressure on you to not put pressure on your DSD and respecting her beliefs but the fact is that she's a child and there are other family members to consider.
If you asked me, I would still tell you to you face that I wanted that baby but deep down, I know that having the baby would have been the easier option short term. By that ,I mean that I didn't have to do anything, the birth and the child rearing would come later. By insisting that I wanted to keep the pregnancy, I avoided all talk of scans, D&Cs etc. Part of me couldn't bear to be examined in that way by the GP. To be brutally honest, and it's not something I have ever admitted to before, but I appreciated the attention.
In my head I've made the whole termination experience a traumatic event and use the fact of having a termination as an excuse for a lot of things but hearing you talk about your DSD reminds me a lot about me and I think it is fair of you to be quite firm with her. I am not for one minute saying that a termination wouldn't be traumatic for your DSD but please don't think that you have no right to discuss it with her. I once told my mum that I wouldn't have had a termination if it hadn't been for her but with maturity,I'm so pleased that she pushed and pushed because I realise now that at that age, it really was about the attention and not the baby. I had a badge to wear so to speak, a genuine reason for self pity but in reality, I WAS a child and the decision really wasn't mine to make but was for all the family.
I just wanted you to hear a different side to how it feels to be 'forced' into a termination. I said and did everything that your DSD did and just wanted you to know that I felt that I had to say that I wanted to continue with the pregnancy ( I did actually believe that I did because it's so conditioned into you that you're a dreadful person otherwise) and it caused my parents no end of grief. My father did the routine of 'it's a mess but your my daughter and we'll support you' because all he saw was his teenage daughter breaking her heart. My mother saw her life being repeated, the cost to her other children, and my life, not being ruined, but made so so much more difficult. I don't know that I will ever be able to dicuss this with her but I remain greatful that she had the strength to take the stance that she did and from a position of love. As she said, I might hate her for it and that was a price that she was willing to pay if it meant that I didn't have to blame myself. She was prepared to take on the entire family to protect me. Makes me realise just what being a parent really is about and it's not about taking the easy choices.
However it turns out, I wish you all the love in the world to your family.