To want DSD to have an abortion?

[TessoftheDamned]

Heavy going stuff but really doubting myself on this.

DSD is 14 and we thought was a straight-laced girl, very into her studies, hardly ever goes out, etc. Anyway, has fallen pregnant and just had the nerve to tell us (lives with us full-time, her mother is not in the picture). The guy is 'long gone' as she says, refuses to tell us his name or where she met him. To be honest I'm a bit worried there was some pressure and perhaps even date rape thing going on, but I haven't pushed it as she's very vulnerable at the moment (as one might expect).

She is adamant she is keeping her baby. Although I'm sure it will end up looking to us as parents and her as a sister, we don't want another baby and don't want to look after hers. She's not an adult but it is her body, I'm so torn. I feel like she's doing herself and everyone else a great disservice bringing this heartache, but of course a baby is normally a source of joy...

DH is flabbergasted and shocked, he's still trying to find out who the boy is (she told us 3 days ago). She clams up when we suggest anything other than keeping the baby and refuses to speak to us.

AIBU?

She needs to talk to someone like me who wanted a baby as someone to love.

I hope the talk with 'D'H is going well . He sounds like a bit of a twat tbh. DSD appears not to be the only child in this situation .

Do you have any way of contacting DSD's bio Mum?

I think the issue has now moved from abortion v keeping it to how are the childcare/financial logistics going to be managed.

First I'd get her started on folic acid asap as well as giving her health in pregnany advice eg foods to eat/avoid.

Get her a few pregnancy/childcare/babycare books so she has a better idea of what's ahead. She obviously has some emotional issues which need to be dealt with before she goes and does this again in another couple of years . So get an appointment with a counsellor.

As for your fears of being the de facto carer, make it clear to her this isn't an option. If the little cherub wakes screaming at 4am give your DH an elbow jab (or 20). If you do it once you will set a pattern that is virtually unbreakable. If it isn't having its nappies changed frequently enough etc call SS (or threaten to). Make it clear to DSD (and DH) that if she/they take on this baby and then dont look after it properly it will be removed.

From what you said earlier it sounds like she does want to be a good Mum and I think some people on here are underestimating how competant a 14yo can be. Give her lots of responsibility now (shopping, cooking, cleaning, helping with DSs) to best prepare her for what's ahead.