To tell her to fuck off

[yertile]

I've been going out with this guy from work for the last 5 months. I really like him and he likes me, there is an age gap he's 21 and I'm 33 but its not an issue. His sister is driving me crazy, she obviously does not like me at all, today was the worst. She invited me out for a coffee supposedly to get to know me better so I thought I'd go as I would like to get on with her. When I got their she just ripped into me and told me that I was too old for him, she didn't like me and that I was just using him for a bit of fun. Then she said I had to end otherwise she would step in and do it herself.
I just told her to fuck off and stormed off but I'm fucking furious whats it got to with her, we're very happy together.

I don't think it matters what this relationship is. It's working for them both. OP gets a presumably buff young man. He gets a kick from an older lady and believe me; all his mates will be patting him on the back for bagging a yummy mummy.
The issue here is taht his sister invited the op on a coffee date only to rip into her. No matter what her misgivings are it's none of her bloody business really.
Op- the only thing that would worry me is do you want to date a man with such a er ''hands on'' family?

It might last forever; it might be a quick fling but his sister behaved badly.

This is a boring post perhaps but I agree with Posie. That's how I would have handled it. I have a brother and I understand her 'position' even if steaming in like a bulldozer isn't very adult.

I guess it wouldn't be fair unless that's what he wants.

"here's no shame in having a child and a marrige that didn't work out. "

And where did I say there was?

The sister is 25 and so is indeed his big sister.

theSecondcoming, I just can#t imagine a mother in her thirties/forties wanting a boy man who has no life expereience and isn't a father.... gaping chasm

Perhaps the 21 yo's sister sees it like this.

He's clever and she admires him for it and listens.
Heady stuff for a young male ego, with a strong and interfering older sister and presumably a lot of other, older adults who have been instructing and teaching him for years.

Stranger things happened than a happy relationship between people with big age gaps.

Somehow I very much doubt that if it was a case of 21 yo girl and 33 yo guy there would be that much criticism on here.

OI personally can't imagine being with a 21 yo, but it's not impossible that there are 21 yos that are more mature than some 30 yos.
Even a few posters here said they started going out with much younger men who were not long out of teenage years by the start of relationship and they are now happily married with kids.

I also can't imagine, shall one of my DCs get involved with an older person, grilling them like the sister did. At 21, they will be adults-it wouldn't be my business.

I have nothing against people with big age gaps because I personally dated people that were in there 30's when I was in my 20's but ended up marrying a guy 18 months younger.

My mum is 12 years younger than my dad and they still happily married.

My sis in law is 11 years younger than her partner. She is 25 and he is 36.

But as a 31 year old myself I returned to college and doing my 2nd year. Last year there was a 19 year old guy with us and really clever and great at everything we did. He then got a really good job in programming something he wanted the whole year. He then decided to turn it down because he started dating a 36 year old woman that he worked with whilst doing part-time work in a wine store. (which he did just to earn extra money).

This 36 year old woman has 3 kids. One age 22
(meaning she was only 14 when she had him) one aged 19 (same age as the boyfriend) and a 14 year old. They are so inlove on facebook and spend their every waking moment together (as per facebook). When our assignments were due at the end of June he did not hand in most that were due then even though some were completed.

He then got reaccepted this year but as a part-time student but he is so into this woman that does not give a monkeys about his future that he is just throwing it all away. As someone that age she should encourage him to finish his studies to enable him to get a better job. I think 19-21 is really too young. Men takes so much longer to grow up.

Whether or not this relationship works in the long run is entirely the business of the op and her 'boyfriend' and no one else.

I was 22 when I embarked on a relationship with an older man (33) with a child. We did not work out - I moved to that London and he was destined to stay with his son and that was as it should be. But he was a lovely man and do not regret the relationship (despite my first broken heart). My mother and siblings would never have 'had it out' with him, they liked him and Mum was 13 years younger than Dad and he already had 3 children when they met. So she could hardly judge !
You cannot judge suitability or longevity of a relationship purely on age, it comes into it but as long as both parties are adults then only they can judge. Mistakes can be made, lessons learned it might not work out and any children involved should be preotected, as with any relationship.

So no op you should not have said 'F-off' but you were provoked I can see that. If your bf is put off by this then you may be best off out of a relationship with a boy who comes with overbearing family baggage. If you can come through this it will make you closer, but beware of a dewy eyed 'romeo and juliet' love against the odds romanticisation of an awkward situation.

I can (a little bit anyway) understand the sister being concerned - the correct thing to do (IMO anyway) is to speak to her brother. After that, butt out, it's his life; not hers. He is 21, not 12.

I think your reaction is understandable - but unhelpful.

If you are going to continue this relationship, you are going to have to get used to people commenting - although, hopefully most of them wont threaten to break you up if you don't yourself!

[If on the other hand you are an under-bridge-dweller please bugger off & leave the rest of us in peace]

I'm also taken aback at the somewhat traditional views of what's "done".
Not all people are the same - some people at 21 would be happy to settle down. Others still aren't ready at 40. It's really not that massive an age gap.
I mentioned earlier my former flatmate who was 24 when he met his 41 year old future wife. Happy together 14 years later.
Apart from that, my collegue/friend at work is 39, happily married and has 2 children with her 30 year old husband who was I think 22 when they met and really keen for a family and children.
One of my female friends is 36 and her DP is 30, and another is 41 and hers is 28. He was 20, and she 31, when they got together. He's a level-headed, grown-up type.
My ex-DP was 8 years older than me. Now, at 43, his new girlfriend is 28.
I normally don't even think of these people in terms of their ages. It's just who they are. And for goodness sake everyone is roughly the same generation - as I've said if OP was maybe 60 then I could understand a few raised eyebrows but they are both still young people. Even at 60 though it would be no-one's business than hers.
The sister behaved appallingly. As someone else mentioned, you have concerns, you take them up with your brother. You don't steam in and insult his girlfriend. She sounds like an absolute nightmare.
I would raise an eyebrow if someone in their 30s went out with say a 16 year old, even though it's legal, but really by 21 you should know your own mind.
I also think it's such a generalisation to say men grow up more slowly than women. My DP is the same age as me. I've known him for years as a friend. When we were both in our early 20s I was a total child and he was a responsible adult.
Finally, I think it's damed insulting this whole "oh enjoy shagging him for his body" attitude. He is a human being who the OP clearly has feelings for. Objectifying him like that because of his age says a lot more about the people saying it quite frankly.
No relationship in the world comes with a guarentee. Life's short, you're entitled to take what happiness you find. Should you forego that chance of happiness because it's not neatly conforming to a conventional model of when you should be doing what?

well said kitty.

And really how many relationships do work regardless of age? It's hard sometimes to make it work without people butting in.

People in glass houses and all that....