to think that me having no underwear or shoes is more important than whether the money is split 50/50!!

[MandyMcFly]

Basically what the title says!

Each month after we have paid bills and done the food shopping, there is a small amount of money left, usually £200 ish which DH always insists is split in half and then we use it for what we want.

But he doesn't take into account things we might need for DD, such as clothes for her or bits we need for the house. Last month, I got given a small sum of money, £400, but instead of using it for myself I had to use it to clear the rent arrears and to buy safety gates for the house. Something which was very important and urgent, and in my eyes was the responsible way to spend the money.

This month there is £260 left over after bills and food, but DH is still insisting that we split it 50/50 and that's it. However this is my situation:

I have

• One pair of sandals (that is it - apart from one pair of high heels they are the only shoes I have. Not even just the ones I want to wear, they are literally the only ones!)

• Two pairs of leggings - one of the pairs has a small hole in. I did have a pair of jeans but they had holes in and I had to chuck them away. That is the only things I have that I can wear on the bottom, again I'm not being fussy, they are literally all i have

• 4 pairs of knickers. Seriously.

• One pair of pyjamas.

• About 5 pairs of socks.

• I have about 8 different tops, so can't really complain about that.

But DH is still insisting that I get £130 and that's it, and he keeps the rest to use on games or whatever he wants. Bearing in mind please that this £130 is my spending money for the month, so any activities I want to take DD to or any travel fares all have to come out of this as well. I just think it is beyond stingy and just down right absurd. The reason I have so little things anymore is because since we moved a year ago all of the stuff for the house/DD has come out of my 'spends' and I've had no oppurtunity to spend money on myself. I don't want anything extravagant, but it's getting to the point where I'm worried I'll have no clothes at all I hate it and feel so scruffy. It is an absolute nightmare. I'd love for him to say 'No don't worry, you take all of the spends this month and sort yourself out. I'll wait and get my game next month' But he won't. I know he is the one who goes out and earns it and I do respect that but I don't think I'm asking a lot just to have clothes/shoes and underwear. God I sound so bloody pathetic.

He sounds horrible. My DH can be a selfish prick at times but he would never let me wear sandals. There's something seriously wrong with him and your relationship.

You're also a bit daft for spending that money on rent arrears - you should have bought yourself some shoes.

I'm afraid that I think you are being financially abused. Go to the womens aid website and have a read.

Oh hai let's not turn this into a 'im poorer than you' thread please...yes we are lucky to have money left over, that is why its ridiculous that I still have no bloody shoes!

Hai, you're talking complete and utter rubbish.

Why should she be grateful for a husband who keeps the spends to himself and lets his wife walk around in sandles in nearly November?

He sounds like a complete cunt. And you sound deluded if you think it's anything to be grateful for.

Child is joint expense. He's a twat

"I can't just take it NordicPrincess it's in his account"

Whatever happens next you need your own bank account. Any bits and pieces of spare cash you can lay your hands on, just squirrel it away for a rainy day. Then take your husband shopping this weekend and make sure he brings the cheque book.

oh God OP, this is starting to sound serious, I'm so sorry

This is NOT, I repeat, NOT normal behaviour.

He is abusive MandyMcFly. He doesn't seem to regard you as a human being worthy of respect. Does he think the rent arrears were a luxury item? When is he going to give you his half of those? If I were you, I'd get a job, and leave the tosser. I don't often say that. How DARE he treat you like this? Does he think his daughter needs nothing at all? The CSA would disagree with him.

What size feet are you? and clothing size - I would probably be able to help you out.

more to the point, Hai, the OP\s DP should not be spending money on games and the like when his partner and mother of his child has no shoes

Where does the child benefit go Mandy?

Show him this thread so he can see what a selfish stingy arse he is being. It's fucking freezing outside and you're walking about in sandals and holy leggings?

Work out how much you spend on DD each month from your money, half it, and ask.. no tell DP to give you the other half. Shocking.

Well he sounds like a prick, YOU need more than bloody sandals, it's really cold now

Please go and spend some money on yourself Mandy. I can't comment any further as your post has actually made be feel both sad & angry but your H is being a selfish ignorant fuck!

Go out now ffs and get some shoes and a pair of jeans in Primark. You need them.

I'll come and have a little chat with him! He is letting the mother of his child freeze!

I'd ebay all his precious games, then kick the arse hole out.

Disposable income should be split 50:50.

Disposable income comes after buying stairgates or chldrens' clothes.

Probably didn't need that apostrophe sorry.

Add a packet of knickers to the basket too. Tell his mother that you can't buy clothes for her granddaughter as her son doesn't pay anything towards her.

As for all this 50/50 crap if we were that skint I was walking around in October in sandles with no jeans & 4 pairs of knickers DP would gladly give up all of "his 50%" until such time as I was sorted for proper clothing and I'd do the same for him.

Good point about child benefit, isn't this exactly the situation it was designed for? Does it go into an account in your name?? If nothing else you be keeping hold of that.

Jesus wept this is awful.

Echo CCF - go out now and get some proper bloody shoes and some warm clothes.

Your Dh sounds like a right cunt.

I don't often use that word and I am sorry for any offence caused, but he buys games with his "half" of the money and you only have 4 pairs of pants??????!!!!!!

All items for the home and DC needs to be taken off the residual before it is split 50:50.

How do you do your food shopping? Does he come with you? Could you not throw in jeans and shoes etc if you go to some place like Tesco or Asda?

If you use Sainsburys you can covert the vouchers to Amazon points. I got Rocket Dogs for £23.50 including postage this way.

Go into town today. open yourself a bank account.

then ring the child benefit agency and inform them that you wish the child benefit to go into your new account

The child benefit is your money, you are completely entitled to do this.