to not want my present to be a pair of huge dildos... *TMI alert*

[surprisedinthesockdrawer]

DH has been hinting for a while that he's bought me a present - it's been a while and I've been quite excited. It's sounded a bit bedroomy, and tbh I thought it was underwear.... until this morning. A root around in his sock drawer for a pair of sports socks for the gym, and I found two massive dildos - one black, one white - both fully erect, with all the veins and balls included too. I guess that's my 'present'. (And there was a present to him too, one of those weird jelly-like replica vaginas....) Sorry for the TMI.

I feel a bit revulsed. Over the years he's bought various sex toys - vibrators, butt plugs, cock rings etc, which I've tried out to keep him happy, but he's known they're not really my thing. Erotic literature I like, but porn - it's just so fake and often a bit disturbing. If I'm honest, I'm actually a vanilla type of girl - a straightforward shag and a snog does it for me. The sex toys and porn seem weird, and just (for me this is) take sex from something natural to a process that feels unnatural. We've talked about sex lots over the years - well with 3 young children, it's dipped a bit. We decided recently to get our sex life up from a once a week to every other day, and that's been going ok, but I'm just a bit floored by the dildo discovery.

I guess what I'm asking the mumsnet massive is....

How do I explain to my husband (gently - he doesn't take criticism well) that the present he's bought me isn't my thing at all. How would you deal with it - would you even deal with it - and can we find some sort of sexual equilibrium?

There is also another option of course - that these aren't meant for me at all - but to be used on him....

PMSL @ Ballonslayer's Coat of Arms dildo's!

at balloonslayer's interior design skills.

I have never heard of vibrating teddy worn as knickers - a bit lumpy under trousers maybe?

coldcomfortfarm - we went for a stay at a hotel last month ago - but the vibrator collection came too in the bottom of his bag. He's a bit too attached to it all...

Sorry no advice. BUT am I the only one wondering about eleanor's parents? Did she open it in front of everyone a d say "not really my sort of thing dear. I'll drop it off at the charity shop".

Also how does anyone find out their dad bought their mum a vibrator for xmas? Boak! That really is tmi

You don't know if they are even for the you yet.

I'd ask him out right who they are for.

Doesn't take criticism well - overreacts - is very sensitive, gets very wounded. Not violent - more like 'oh i'm just rubbish, I must be a pervert' etc etc. It ends up in not very productive conversations....

newnamethistime - I think you're right. Although I am going to have to tread carefully - see my comments above.

Every other day - so far it's going ok, but it's only been a week. We talked about how much is reasonable from his standpoint - and that's what he said. I enjoy sex (the vanilla kind obviously) and I know that you just have to get going on it even if you feel a bit tired and fed up. You have more - you want more.

I'm not convinced they're for you. If they're unwrapped in a drawer, hidden away, they are probably already broken in...

I would take them out, put them on his bedside table <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=farm3.static.flickr.com/2319/2333540732_1984fc9418_b.jpg&imgrefurl=seejainchain.blogspot.com/2008/08/free-pattern-amigurumi-dildo.html&usg=__7fh4CtW_4I7dgat0z_Me5GAkxTs=&h=768&w=1024&sz=498&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=TtlpHntONHtp8M:&tbnh=147&tbnw=200&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsocks%2Bover%2Bdildo%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D585%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=588&vpy=85&dur=84&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=81&ty=82&ei=wSe8TMT2KYOFswavsty5DQ&oei=wSe8TMT2KYOFswavsty5DQ&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">with his socks rolled down over them like this and ask where he got his novelty sock displayers from

There is nothing wrong with being a pervert...
as long as the passive-aggressive sulking (that's what it is) doesn't bully you into doing stuff that you would rather not (do as much of).

The vibrating teddy is a small soft rubbery bear, you put it over your bits and then it has elastic (like a thong) then you switch it on and it vibrates. I got one as a present, the batteries have run out now though!

I don't think you could wear it under trousers, maybe a roomy skirt? If you had to go to a boring dinner party or something.

Sorry - he said that every other day is 'reasonable' from his standpoint?

I'm getting cross now. I have a H that also likes this stuff, I do to, but not exclusively.

If I was told that I was to do it every other night when I really wasn't up to it (that's what being tired and fed up means - you are not really up for it), I would start feeling resentful very quickly.

Maybe they aren't for me. One of the things that's got to me the most has been that these are so not-my-sort-of-thing, that he must know I'll be fairly turned off by their veined dead-fish latex.

Why didn't he just go to Figleaves?!!!

I don't feel resentful of his wanting sex more. I enjoy it and feel it's a big part of our relationship together. We all have different needs and he has a higher sexual desire than me. The sex is good. But I don't like it going down the ever-bigger dildos and weird fake vajayjay route... and I want a way to halt it without making it into a big issue.

and newname - I wasn't 'told' - it was part of a discussion about what would work better... although in retrospective, our chat did seem to focus more on his needs than mine....

"The vibrating teddy is a small soft rubbery bear, you put it over your bits and then it has elastic (like a thong) then you switch it on and it vibrates. I got one as a present, the batteries have run out now though!

I don't think you could wear it under trousers, maybe a roomy skirt? If you had to go to a boring dinner party or something."

Oh! I just spat tea over my keyboard!

Well, would screaming with pain halt it?

I'm never going to throw boring dinner parties again. I'll always be haunted by the thought that someone might be wearing their vibrating teddy....

The children would love a vibrating bear. Hang on - I think they've got something like that already in their toy drawer.... Where did that go go hamster go....

I take it they are unwrapped?
DO they (ahem) show signs of use?

Don't think you'd hide a present in a sock drawer................

coodles, i'm beginning to think you're RIGHT!

Sounds like your sex life is all about him.

Look, sorry to get graphic but if they are for sockdrawer's DH's use, then why have two?

How about broaching the subject in this way:- you were delighted to find the novelty bootjacks he had bought you ("oh you, you ARE a card...") and when are you going out to buy the actual boots. How clever of him for surprising you in such a way !

maybe it was a BOGOF