To be really fucked off with my family.

[Huskyflodynamo]

I have a bad cold, the 'feel like death warmed up' type where you can't stop shivering and just want to take to bed til it's all over.

6month old ds has a sniffle and is being totally clingy, whiney and just wants to be carried everywhere. I am obliging because it is my responsibility to make sure his needs are met above my own.

This morning, I asked dh to stay at home because I feel so shit and had no sleep. He went to work anyway and I rang my mum who lives two miles away if she would mind popping for an hour to mind ds while i catch up on some sleep. She declined and said she is tired and has things to do.

I have two sisters who live within 5 minutes drive but they are busy as well. One is having a riding lesson after work and the other is going to a wedding show with her friend.

I absolutely cannot rely on my family to help me out in a situation like this and it pisses me off. My sisters don't have kids so they don't understand how hard it can be. I know people have their own lives to lead but ffs surely family comes first?

"Is that not just the same as someone living in an area with rubbish healthcare, expecting those who have access to such services not to utilise them?"

no it's not the same because if teh healthcare is available to teh person tehy wouldn't be here complaining about not getting it.

the OP didn't get help because it was unavaiable. the people she asked had things arranged.

As always with these things maybe the resentment runs deeper? Maybe your family have let you down before in a bigger way?

I get so sick of the 'well I just get on with it' moral high ground

I had a shitty childhood and got myself educated and married to a good guy pretty much on my own. I had no help with schoolwork and was abused at home. I didn't complain because I was taught not to. I had no siblings or family near me growing up. I know about not complaining and just getting on with it

However now I have a lovely family with my dh and my ILs and we do ask each other for help. My MIL travels hundreds of miles to help her only daughter out now and then. I do complain when I am feeling shit and gladly take any help offered.

And do you know what this feels like humanity

My ds who is four took some time out at a soft play area today to look out for his younger sister who was getting shoved about my someolder boys. Of course I was watching her but he felt concerned for his sister when she was vulnerable

he had bigger and better plans e.g. playing in the more exciting part for his age group

I mean if a 4yr old gets it ffs, surely adults can?

"And so this thread demonstrates one of the many things wrong with our society"

Is there a chance you might be overreacting a tiny bit there Rose?

People see and react to a scenario in completely opposite ways (one of the things that makes Mumsnet so interesting imho). I have my foot more in the "you have one child, you have a cold, your Mum just doesn't feel like looking after your baby today for whatever reason and your sisters are both busy - its not the end of the world" camp.

I don't think that means we are all doomed, does it?

WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain

...the OP's quiet. do hope she's hidden the thread. not good to be shouted at by strangers when you're feeling crap

and I think you're right too roseability about the 'I just get on with it' mhg. It's all over AIBU like a noxious gas sometimes

But I sensed that the OP felt let down generally not just today. Some of the responses stated a more general 'why should you expect family to help you out' attitude.

I do react strongly to these kinds of posts (probably because of my background) but I still think I have a point

And we are all doomed, even if only in a general cosmic sense

of course adults get it, when help is actually needed.

the thing is, yes OP might feel bloody crap, and yes, an hour's respite would be more than appreciated but, she doesn't actually need help, and i am sure her mum has been sick and looked after her own kids so knows what it is like. she knows OP will be fine and she is feeling tired herself. why should she put her own need for sleep on the back burner so OP can get sleep? why is her need for sleep less important than OP's? she has raised her children and had hoped to catch up on some sleep. i think that is a perfectly valid reason to say "no DD you will have to cope on your own today" and the sister's had prior arrangements that presumably cost money.

Totally over the top posts from roseability

sorry that should read the sisters with no apostrophe.

No it doesn't mean that society is doomed namey but it is fine to need to rely on friends, family or neighbours every now and again. We need people around us. I think there is too much emphasis on "manning up" and being utterly self reliant. Mums put their face on and pretend everything is just "fine" and then wonder why they have depression. God some of the replies on here today are just awful. Yes it is just a cold, but so what? I'd be a bit disappointed if that was my family's response as well. She asked for one hour! You get back what you give...

why daftpunk...I dont think they are over the top I can see what she's saying..

33 men have just spent 2 months underground with just a spoon of tuna a day.

exactly honeymoo 'you get back what you give'

and?.....tbh there will always be some else worse off than you...every 3 seconds a child dies in a 3rd world country...those miners should count themselves lucky no?

Well, honey, I was responding to Rose's specific point that the fact that op's mum and sisters were unable to help her out today means the end of civilised society as we know it. I just disagree, tis all.

Dunno about hiding the thread Springheeled, I couldn't resist reading the thrashing I was getting should I get flamed on a thread, not that that's a regular occurance you understand

I keep anything I think I'll get flamed about to mesen

so what are you saying daftpunk? that you have to be stuck down a mine for 2 months before it is acceptable to complain and ask for help? Where does this end? They had homes to go to at the end of it, there are people with no homes and no food ever. So does that mean the miners have no room to complain?

There are always people worse off yes. But this isn't about a hierarchy of needs, this is about family helping each other out when they need it

Really dont get this competitive distress..

On a scale of zero to pathetic this is beyond pathetic. IMHO

me too ZigZag

I wouldn't dreeeeeeeam of posting in AIBU (did it once before I knew any better about how I'd just got back from holidays in the Netherlands and hpw lovely it was and how I didn't want to come back. Instantly I got someone saying "well if you don't like it fuck off back there there's plenty that would be grateful to take your place" )

as for the miners one- I'm going to use that for the next couple of months. Specially to the kids. Is going to wind the buggers up something rotten

[rubs hands]

My AIBU initiation/stoopid mistake was to post about how disgusting I thought it was that children were in shopping trollies with their shoes on

I was flayed alive (but secretly enjoyed the pain)

This thread really is about perspective though. Or lack of it.