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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really fucked off with my family.

268 replies

Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 11:40

I have a bad cold, the 'feel like death warmed up' type where you can't stop shivering and just want to take to bed til it's all over.

6month old ds has a sniffle and is being totally clingy, whiney and just wants to be carried everywhere. I am obliging because it is my responsibility to make sure his needs are met above my own.

This morning, I asked dh to stay at home because I feel so shit and had no sleep. He went to work anyway and I rang my mum who lives two miles away if she would mind popping for an hour to mind ds while i catch up on some sleep. She declined and said she is tired and has things to do.

I have two sisters who live within 5 minutes drive but they are busy as well. One is having a riding lesson after work and the other is going to a wedding show with her friend.

I absolutely cannot rely on my family to help me out in a situation like this and it pisses me off. My sisters don't have kids so they don't understand how hard it can be. I know people have their own lives to lead but ffs surely family comes first?

OP posts:
booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 14:58

not at all, how was anyone here to know here brother had died and her dad was an alcoholic?

and yes that is why i was asking, so shoot me.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slhilly · 14/10/2010 15:06

SGM, I think it's important that we all observe the rule that there are no personal attacks, or else the boards quickly deterioriate. I appreciate it may be water off a duck's back to you, but the aim of the rule is to encourage everyone to able to participate, including those with thinner skins.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

larrygrylls · 14/10/2010 15:09

SGM,

I have a hysterical reaction to those who think that a riding lesson and a wedding show take precedence over a busy day working as a doctor. Even if the rider and wedding show goer are female and the doctor is a male.

So shoot me.

booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 15:13

larry when the person who is going to the wedding event or riding lesson is neither parent of sick child or partner to sick parent then yes their activities do take precedence as tehy never chose to have children tehy can do what they want with their days.

larrygrylls · 14/10/2010 15:15

boo,

Of course they can. I do not think anyone is denying them the RIGHT. However, to take an hour or two to help a sick and stressed sibling. Is that too much to ask?

I would cancel any hobby if any of my blood relatives needed help of that nature. Maybe we are just different.

booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 15:16

needing help is different to feeling sorry for yourself because you have a cold.

FindingMyMojo · 14/10/2010 15:20

HUSKY hope you got your head down for some shut eye earlier & you've feeling better tomorrow.

Being a FT working Mum has it's own issues, however when I'm not well I can take a day off and rest as I have FT childcare in place. I have much sympathy for you being a SAHM without any backup for these times, esp when your Mum lives around the corner & doesn't help you out in a small way when you ask her to. It's tough!

ManiDeadi · 14/10/2010 15:20

OP's attitude in her last post may explain her family's reluctancy to help out..........

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 14/10/2010 15:21

I think you shoudl be pragmatic and accept your family aren't able/won't help. Have you got a good friend or two your could ask in such situations and you could recitprocate. This was what I had as my backup plan when my dsc were small as all my family bar dh live 250 miles away.

slhilly · 14/10/2010 15:23

SGM, I understand your reasoning but do not agree with it. I think the line should be drawn more tightly for the reasons I outlined above. On balance, I'd prefer to discourage the personal attacks in the first place, even if it means giving up the benefit of letting people know they're not alone in being subject to personal attacks from a particular poster. Obv, this is clearly down to personal preference.

And I still disagree about whether the OP WBU. Wink

janajos · 14/10/2010 15:26

I think you just have to get on with it... I once asked my mum to help me when my youngest was 8 months old and my eldest was 4. I had a sickness bug and couldn't even lift my head up, let alone prepare food etc... My husband was away. She refused as she was going on holiday the following day... Although I was desperate (my 4 yr old gave the baby his bottle under my feeble supervision), I managed to make them their meals and went to bed as soon as they were asleep. I have to say, I was irritated with my mum, but could understand her thinking too!! A cold is nothing, you need to get real!

cornflakequeenie · 14/10/2010 15:31

ManiDeadi OP's attitude in her last post may explain her family's reluctancy to help out

Did you not see her apology then?

ManiDeadi · 14/10/2010 15:36

No I didn't Blush.

Sorry OP.

Everyone is entitled to have an outburst when being flamed criticised.

ivykaty44 · 14/10/2010 15:38

you are well enough to be on mn then you don't need soemone to stay home with you.

SpringHeeledJack · 14/10/2010 15:50

OP- I used to feel exactly like you when I was at home with twin babies. DP worked 100 miles away- meaning he was out before 7 and not back till 8- and quite often I was soooo sleep deprived and poorly-feeling that I used to worry that I would magically drop dead (in manner of soap character Grin) over the course of the day and that he would come home to find babies crawling over my frail corpse like maggots (not to mention electrocuting selves in sockets drowning taunting dog escaping to street level etc etc)

I had no family nearby and used to wring my hands that I had no help- till I realised that even if I did have family nearby they would most likely be like yours...

it's a shitter. I remember clearly what a shitter it is. Now go and watch location location or some such bollocks with a cup of tea and baby on the sofa. And remember- sometimes we feel badly done to because we are badly done to. I would have the huff as well- it's crap for stay at home parents sometimes.

oranges · 14/10/2010 15:57

wow. hoe you are feeling better op. I'd be miffed too, though like you' I wouldn't get that much help. both dh and I at home with a rotten colds today and we are playing pass the baby between us- its MUCH easier than when I was ill and dh was away and I was doing school run etc alone.

mumbar · 14/10/2010 16:12

I don't think your BU to want some help.

Unfortunatly I'm well aware about how sometimes people won't. I'm lucky my parents are brill but have learnt his dad and ex-MIL won't help even in an emergency as I'm his mum. Confused

I guess tho if they're thinking just a cold and don't have children (sisters that is) its probably that they can't empathsise its the combination of the 2 thats hard - not just the cold iyswim.

echt · 14/10/2010 17:13

I don't get it. If the baby is clingy, and whiney, how could other people help any way?

mooncupflowethover · 14/10/2010 19:02

Can't believe some of the comments on here...absolute crap for the most part. AIBU is becoming v. unreasonable!

Op..YANBU. If I was ill with a bad cold I would be annoyed if my family refused to help out for flimsy reasons (which your mother's and sister's reasons are imo). The reason being that I certainly would do(and have done) it for them.

It's hard to be ill with a baby. Some have to get on with it, some can call upon help. It doesn't make you unreasonable for wanting help. I hope you feel better soon.

pommedeterre · 14/10/2010 19:09

OP - Man up.

becaroo · 14/10/2010 19:23

Hope you are feeling better OP.

Some of the comments on here beggar belief.

daftpunk · 14/10/2010 19:25

Op; yabu;

you're obviously not that unwell as you've
spent all day on MN chatting to people.... that takes energy.

QuickLookBusy · 14/10/2010 19:36

Does it daftpunk well so does breathing and tapping a keyboard doesnt take much more energy than that.

Husky ignore the rude posters [yes you are rude, some of you behaving like a pack of hormonal teenagers [and I should know cos Ive got two of themGrin]

Hope you are feeling much better tomorrow.