Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really fucked off with my family.

268 replies

Huskyflodynamo · 14/10/2010 11:40

I have a bad cold, the 'feel like death warmed up' type where you can't stop shivering and just want to take to bed til it's all over.

6month old ds has a sniffle and is being totally clingy, whiney and just wants to be carried everywhere. I am obliging because it is my responsibility to make sure his needs are met above my own.

This morning, I asked dh to stay at home because I feel so shit and had no sleep. He went to work anyway and I rang my mum who lives two miles away if she would mind popping for an hour to mind ds while i catch up on some sleep. She declined and said she is tired and has things to do.

I have two sisters who live within 5 minutes drive but they are busy as well. One is having a riding lesson after work and the other is going to a wedding show with her friend.

I absolutely cannot rely on my family to help me out in a situation like this and it pisses me off. My sisters don't have kids so they don't understand how hard it can be. I know people have their own lives to lead but ffs surely family comes first?

OP posts:
daftpunk · 14/10/2010 19:43

Sorry, but if I was as unwell as the op described, the last thing I'd be doing is posting on mumsnet, I'd be too sick and shivering in bed surely?

cumfy · 14/10/2010 19:50
PeachesandStrawberry · 14/10/2010 20:02

Oh. My. God.

I cannot believe what a bunch of bitches some of you are being.

OP YANBU

I feel for you and sorry that you were refused help.

Try and get some sleep.

QuickLookBusy · 14/10/2010 20:06

daftpunk I know someone who was recently seriously ill and in hopital for 3 weeks.

When she came home, although bed ridden, the computer kept her sane. Despite having been in intensive care, she was able to move her fingers on a key board without it taxing her too much!

Mumcentreplus · 14/10/2010 20:12

OP I think imo you are NBU...they are family and occassionally you might need help or support even if its not bubonic plague something serious...because thats what families do ffs!!at least in mine thats what they do ..but as you can see not all families are the same or have the same values..hope you are snoozing Wink

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulumaam · 14/10/2010 20:20

agree with SGB

thing is, it's a cold. a cold. not swine flu, or regular flu or a chest infection. it's a cold

i've got a cold, been to work, done shcool runs, homework, cooked, cleaned etc ,life goes on ! It has to

I honestly think you should save up your requests for when you are desperately cannot get out of bed/stand up/function ill, rather than a common cold.

i hope you don't let on to your fanily how disappointed you are

i can understand your frustration, but expecing them to cancel their plans as you have a cold is a bit much

ssd · 14/10/2010 20:21

op, YANBU. to ask for some help from your family when you are feeling shit isn't such a bad thing. I've got no family nearby to help and I know if the ones I have were nearer they'd be just as crap as yours, still asking for help to me would feel normal, I'd help out anyone who felt crap and I would expect family to help me out in such situations

all the "oh its only a cold" replies probably have granny/MIL/sisters who help them out etc and haven't been in your position, anyone who's been in your position with no help knows how crap you feel

Mumcentreplus · 14/10/2010 20:23

Maybe this frustration is down to asking numerous times and the OP accommodating them or supporting them at other times?...who knows..but I get where she's coming from and i also understand people cannot drop everything too..

Lulumaam · 14/10/2010 20:23

sorry meant SGm!

Mumcentreplus · 14/10/2010 20:25

A cold/flu effects everyone differently ..sometimes I get the flu and I can hardly get out of bed...my DH gets the same flu and his experience is different..

Lulumaam · 14/10/2010 20:25

I've been in the position of being ill and have no family to help.. and TBH i would not dream of asking my mum to drive 50 miles to help me if i had a cold.

if i had flu, yes

or put my back out adn could not move, yes

if i had a serious illness, yes

i would ask and my mum would come over .

not for a cold though

Mumcentreplus · 14/10/2010 20:27

death warmed up sounds worse than a 'cold'..

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dilemma456 · 14/10/2010 20:31

I've asked for extra family help once since DD was born and she's five this month (its been offered and received gratefully other times but only asked once) On that occasion I was in hospital on two drips, a heart monitor and a oxygen mask while awaiting a brain scan. Sorry but a cold does not mean that other people should drop everything you just have to live with it

booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2010 20:34

i have had terrible colds where i have been in agony and yes i have felt like death warmed up, i still was able to slouch about the house enough to throw together snacks and warm drinks for me and teh dcs and to change ds's nappies. i dozed on and off on teh sofa and i don't have anyone i can ask to help when i feel like that. i just get on with it.

OrmRenewed · 14/10/2010 20:34

Colds can be hideous I know. I had 'just a cold' as few years back and I was ill for over a week and got passed the stage of thinking I was dying and starting wishing I could Grin

I also think that families should help out where they can. Mine do. But in these circumstances, when they were justifiably busy, it wasn't possible. And being 'fucked off' with them is totally OTT.

BTW perhaps they interpreted 'cold' as just a sniffle and a sore throat. Let's face it, most of us did.

ManiDeadi · 14/10/2010 20:35

Same here - I have no family to help and I have been ill too. No-one is denying that it is hell on earth to be ill and have to look after a child but, the OP has asked her family and they have said no. They haven't said that they just don't want to. They have genuine plans/reasons and can't make it. It would be really unfair for the OP to be upset with them for having a life and not being able to drop everything.

DandyLioness · 14/10/2010 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/10/2010 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumcentreplus · 14/10/2010 20:42

she can be upset tis normal... shes fucked off probably more so because shes unwell and has a sick baby to contend with so possibly her reaction is clouded...but she can also be understanding... when she has thought through their very valid reasons for not being able to give her the support she wanted..her immediate reaction is what it is..nothing wrong with it imo...if she holds on to that reaction is a different story...

Personally I dont get the competition regarding who was the most half dead before the asked for help from their families..Hmm

PeachesandStrawberry · 14/10/2010 20:44

Yes but she is feeling ill.

Who is in their right mind when they are feeling ill.

Do any of you know her personally? if you don't their is no reason to judge and you don't know what is going on in her life.

She may have always helped her family out and it is easy to feel upset when the support is not there in return.

Onetoomanycornettos · 14/10/2010 20:50

Well, I can understand why you wanted a whinge. You feel terrible, probably have a backlog of sleep deprivation, have been stuck in due to a cold and feel sorry for yourself. When I got sick around this age in my dd1's life, I used to get quite depressed. Ideally, it would have been nice for someone to pop round and give you a hand, my mum would have done in that situation, but unfortunately they can't.

I don't know whether they always are like this, and never help out, or you just feel sorry for yourself and wanted to moan. I don't think they should necessarily drop everything, but it would have been kind to do so, and the fact that some people don't have any help whatsoever doesn't make you feel better, it's just a sad thing really to have no-one who would help out for an hour when you are ill, friend or family even just to pop out and get you some Lemsip.

WhoAteAgentZigzagsBrain · 14/10/2010 21:07

Great post SpringheeledJack (a while back, it's taken me a bit to read the posts Grin)

It doesn't cost owt to give the poor lass a bit of tea and sympathy does it now?

Family can be crap, they're not always there when you need them, and that's why you've got MN to give you love and support in your hour of need hahahahaha...not.

You can have some sympathy from me OP, hope you're all snuggled up with your little DS and your DH is bringing you supplies/just leaving you to sleep Smile

roseability · 14/10/2010 21:13

And so this thread demonstrates one of the many things wrong with our society

Ask for help and you get flamed unless you are dying in a hospital bed. We live in a very individualistic and narcissistic culture and it is not doing us any good.

If you do not ask for help often and you have parents and siblings living that close it is not unreasonable to ask for a bit of help in a low patch.

I do not understand this attitude either, that grandparents have no responsibility to their children and grandchildren once they are grown. In my opinion you become a mother to help your children throughout life in any way you can. The benefits of this helpful and understanding attitude will be reeped throughout subsequent generations - and that is the point is it not?

I have two children and I would hope that they will help each other out. Yes they will be selfish teenagers and have childless years where they want to please themselves, but if there is no sense of loyalty and altruism towards each other then I will feel I have failed as a parent.

No I would not expect that family members just drop all their plans, but an hour here or there to help a tired and stressed sibling is not much to ask. Presuming it would be reciprocated, which I am sure it would.

My MIL helps me out with my kids and I helped her out pre children by helping to care for her elderly mother. I will when the time comes help her when she is elderly and infirm. I have a BIL who has babysat now and then and we were there for him when he was hospitalised after a terrible attack

Yes it is 'just a cold' but the OP stated that she does not ask for help a lot so I suspect the cold comes with one of those patches where you just feel run down and need a break.

I admire those of you who cope with no family near but be careful not to berate anyone with family nearby and would like a bit of help from them. Is that not just the same as someone living in an area with rubbish healthcare, expecting those who have access to such services not to utilise them?

I don't know I may be off point here but I know so many families where the siblings just don't give a damn about each other get on with their own lives completely. Yes some selfishness is normal and healthy but I think it is a sad state of affairs when someone gets slated for wanting to catch up on a bit of sleep with the help of nearby family

Swipe left for the next trending thread