to be bored with myself and to want to become a Jilly Cooper character for the winter?

[BalloonSlayer]

I want to sit in front of a fire of apple logs, wearing only a Dark Blue towel.

I want a rosy-cheeked face which I have to tone down with green foundation, instead of looking like a corpse unless I put on loads of blusher.

I want to drink three quarters of a bottle of Moet before doing ANYTHING. (Including: getting up in the morning or taking an important exam.)

I want an Absolutely Filthy Mini instead of a people carrier.

I want DH to do thumb exercises so that the ball of his thumb becomes pudgy because apparently that's sexy or something .

I want to lose loads and loads of weight every time I am a bit sad about something, so that everyone who thought I was a minger before is suddenly struck by my beauty, instead of eating cakes to cheer myself up and getting fatter.

AIBU?

Disco! How heavenly of you ...

I want to be as horny as Janey who is up for shagging Rupe and Billy at the same time whilst pregnant.
And she bothers to shave her bush. I haven't gone anywhere near mine since I passed 22 weeks.

Although aforesaid group shagging scene is very harsh on Helen 'frozen chicken, pull out the giblets' Campbell Black.

OK I've just ordered Pandora online. (Secondhand).
I am going to re-read the first 3 and follow on with it.

Oh, and when haplessly missing a major local social event, such as the Hunt ball, I want a passing BBC makeup artist to pop in, make me look marvellous with smokey eyes and tumbling curls, lace me into a ravishing dress like a Christmas cracker and then send me off to whirl round the floor in the arms of the best looking man in the county. Applauded by young bloods, and serenaded by a band.

God I can't wait for the local Hunt Ball now...

Can't wait to meet the sulky, unshaven but still illogically handsome local dish.

oooh err I think Amzon are on this thread, I just signed in to look for Wolf Hall (is it good Miffster?) andthey are pushing Riders and Rivals like crazy!

Miffster - which one has the group shagging please? (Fave fantasy - sigh......)

Disco it may just because Jump is crap and people are saying "ahhhh, Riders and Rivals, now they're what I call Bonkbusters, those were the days..."

You think so? So it's not the Power Of Mumsnet then?

bigfoot, group shagging is Riders - unless it's in Jump and I've not got to it yet

Groupshag is in Riders, bigfootbeliever

So happy to have found this thread. I have read and re-read JC over the years as my guilty pleasure.

Just re-ordered Polo for the last weeks of mat leave, someone borrowed it off me straight after I read it the first time, so that's the only one I haven't read at least 5 times.

I want to have merry, crinkling eyes and be joyous as an otter when prostrate on a sofa at 38 weeks and lashings of JC and smoked salmon is the sure-fire way to achieve this.

OK - just ordered Rivals / Riders / Polo.

Joyous as an otter, now there's a phrase

I am having trouble breaking through the crust on my apple crumble. I am no Taggie C-B :(

Kitty 'leetle Keety' Rannaldini is the shittest, wettest heroine ever. Ker-ist, what a frightful drip.

Lysander 'basically, honestly, marvellous loins' Hawkesley is the most annoying hero as well.

TMWMHJ is crap, tbh.
And Pandora is a bit bonkers about the animals therein, especially the end. Was JC in an, erm, 'dark place' when she wrote it?

I DO live in a Jilly Cooper novel.

My friend next door popped a G&T through the front door at tea time this evening. She also stayed and washed the oven trays.

largegin, ooh, and do you all play nude tennis in your village too, and wander through stubble fields looking for field mushrooms whilst wearing gumboots and nighties?

I've given this considerable thought, and have decided that the best scene in any Jilly novel - if not, any novel at all - is the New Year's Eve party set-piece in Rivals. About 12 different storylines colliding, everyone gets absolutely trolleyed on champagne that unwilling host Declan can't afford and dances around to bad 80s pop, various real-life celebrities (Ann Diamond, Selina Scott) make guest appearances, Cameron Cook arrives in a minuscule dress and a cloud of fire and brimstone at midnight, and the Taggie-Rupert love story is born. Plus, my second favourite line from the oeuvre: Monica Baddingham, swaying upstairs, clutching the bannisters and thinking how long it's been since she was last "tight", and that it's "really rather fun", discover her beloved eldest, Archie, "absolutely glued" to one Tracey Makepiece, who is lower class and therefore insupportable. Monica claps eyes on him, and ... "Archie," she thundered, "drop!"

So hilariously unacceptable on every single level, so brief, so brilliant. Jilly, I salute you

Ha ha ha loveandsqualr, yes, fantastic party scene

(have sent you a message btw)

Nah, too cliched SMP. Agreed about the New Year bash - Taggie giggling about the erection, ho ho. Wait until she sees Rupert's Cruise missile eh!

Love and Squalor - Tracey Makepiece is wearing a tencelshirt. That's how low rent she is.

New Year Bash is ace - about 300 people turn up to drink soup and eat shepherd's pie and eat fruit salad with sprouts that Taggie does singlehandedly

I recently went to a children's Halle performance in Manchester with my class, an the MC of the whole event absolutely looked like you would imagine Viking O'Neill - strong, blon, incredibly sexy and charismatic... and at the end announced "normally I play the Second Horn" - I almost died on the spot.

I have just dabbed my pulse spots (behind ears, throat and behind my knees) with Je Reviens

Want me.

Want me now