to be bored with myself and to want to become a Jilly Cooper character for the winter?

[BalloonSlayer]

I want to sit in front of a fire of apple logs, wearing only a Dark Blue towel.

I want a rosy-cheeked face which I have to tone down with green foundation, instead of looking like a corpse unless I put on loads of blusher.

I want to drink three quarters of a bottle of Moet before doing ANYTHING. (Including: getting up in the morning or taking an important exam.)

I want an Absolutely Filthy Mini instead of a people carrier.

I want DH to do thumb exercises so that the ball of his thumb becomes pudgy because apparently that's sexy or something .

I want to lose loads and loads of weight every time I am a bit sad about something, so that everyone who thought I was a minger before is suddenly struck by my beauty, instead of eating cakes to cheer myself up and getting fatter.

AIBU?

Or Lizzie Jones... isn't that where she buys a ton of Aramis for James after shagging Freddie?

What I would love to find is a jumble sale like the one in Paradise where Marigold finds a bishop's chair and sofa in blue ticking. They're all pretty scuzzy round here.

I would have loved to written about the sainted JC at GCSE but think it would have been a step too far at my northern Catholic comp. They threw a fit when I did an essay on pornography for S-Level...

Finn, I am in awe. You are the JC goddess

Alas all attempts to get the boyfriend to dress as a psychotic world-class conductor with murder on his mind have failed miserably :(

Probably just as well Finn unless you want him to learn a few handy tricks with a three-fingered vibrator and a few vials of amyl...

Ok do any of you know anyone who's actually painted their labia with olive oil? Never mind photgraphed them or entered them for a competition?

... and with a pastry brush IIRC, weblette.

I hope he bought Taggie a new one afterwards.

Why would you need olive oil "down there" anyway, if you were married to Rupert?

No but I think I might give it a go. I will enter my fanjo in the Turner Prize. It will be called Olive Oil Vagina and people will flock from miles around to come and see it.

But will it beat last nights knitted vulva with glow in the dark clit?

I think it might have to be the German Turner since that was where Flora found such success...

Not maybe one to put on the CV though

Wasn't it Chessie that had one like coral?

I wanted to be Caitlin first then Taggie but finally Cameron Cook simply because (if memory serves me correctly, it's been a while since I read them) she got to bed both the O'Hara men. I've only read the girls' names ones, Rider, Rivals and Polo though.

Ah Declan O'Hara, now he was a great hero too, really loved Maud, was kind but cleaver

Yes Cameron slept with Declan (did she? Have I got that right or was he far too in love with Maud to contemplate it?) AND Rupert AND Declan's son, who fell in love with her. But Rupert never really cared for her much and she knew it, deep down.

I always felt sorry for Maud because she wanted everyone to fancy her and nobody ever did (except Bas, I think, briefly)

Maud was a horrible selfish cow though who never cleaned her house and invited people round for kitchen supper but Taggie do all the cooking despite the fact that her cloud of black hair and limbs like a newly born deer were clearly in breach of kitchen health and safety rules.

I love this thread!

I like Janey, Billy's wife. She never wore a bra under her thin vest and always had stubble on her long brown legs but still wore very short denim cut-offs and still looked ravishing.

I wanted to be Fenella when I first read Riders. I used to think her and Dino (was it Dino? Was a looooong time ago) were the cutest couple.

Dino Ferranti I think

That's the one. He died his hair grey because Fenella was into older men.

oh which was the one who had a "cock like a salami"?

That was the Italian rider Fenella had a fling with after Billy dumped her to go back to his wife.

still here ladies?

I've been to Tesco and everything

Did you buy quail's eggs and smoked salmon quiche?

at Getorf! I might go back to college just to do another GCSE and read Jilly all year.

Can we please have Jilly on for a webchat soon??

I'm half way through Jump and enjoying it so far, though it is not as good as Riders, Rivals and Polo - my 3 favs.

drinking Moet and bookmarking

The guy with the "salami cock" was a racing driver that Fen meet at an awards ceremony!!