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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want grandad to pay for private primary?

279 replies

educationeducationeducation · 07/10/2010 16:50

I've namechanged for this.

My DS is in primary 4 at a local state school which I moved to get him into because of its good reputation. I only ever expected him to go there for a year or 2 while I was on maternity leave. However, I was made redundant and have been unable to get another job.

We live within walking distance of a 'perfect' private school which has an intake of an extra class in primary 5 (next year).

I know we could wait until he is due to start secondary (same school) when he will be eligible for a bursery but I want him to go next year. If I had ANY spare money I would use it to send him there, but we are currently classed as 'living in poverty' (4 people on £17k).

There are 2 main reasons why I dont want to wait. Firstly, his IQ is higher than the top 1% of the population. He used to be 4 years ahead of his peers but this has shrunk to 2. His current school has very little to offer him academically. He cruises and has become quite arrogant about being smarter then the other children (and teachers). His school has a 'softly, softly' attitude to what I deem bad behaviour. I can see how this is appropriate for other children but he just manipulates and take advantage. He needs a stricter environment.

Secondly, the children he has chosen to be friends with are not the kind of children I want him to associate with. For example his best friend gets coke for breakfast and is dropped off at school by a shell-suited mother with the obligatory fag hanging out of her mouth. From these children my DS has picked up such an unpleasant accent that I am frequently embarassed at hearing him speak. I really dont want him exposed to these influences any longer.

So I think it's reasonable to want my Dad (a millionaire on paper) to not wait until secondary to help pay school fees. He thinks private primary is indulgent and unnecessary and can't seem to fathom that by the time DS is 11 too much damage will have been done. I went from a good state primary to a private secondary and I never felt like I fitted in.
I know Dad can afford it. I'm an only child so it's not like he has other grand DCs other than mine to provide for.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ApricotWorms · 07/10/2010 17:49

Riven the OP wasn't failed by her fancy schmantzy public school education; she was failed by her heartless father who made her go to a state primary school. Had she not been plucked from there at the age of eleven her life would be a shambles and she'd be a shell-suit clad, toothless Waynetta with a fridge full of coke and blue WKD Grin

mistletoekisses · 07/10/2010 17:50

OP - am working on the basis that you are not a troll.

  1. Count yourself bloody lucky that your dad is offering to help with fees from the age of 11.

  2. Paper millionaire means nada....how much of it is tied up in his house? Longer term investments etc...would he have to divest of these to fund your sons education?

  3. With the way the current funding is going, anyone older with any substantial means will most likely have to fund their own care should they need it...have you seen the costs of private nursing homes? Have you considered that he may actually need his own money and has budgeted as such?

  4. I know that a lot of grandparents fund private fees, but I am sure that is their choice. If your father does not wish to do so from now, suck it up

  5. Bottom line. Your kid. Your responsibility. You want him to go to private school, you should have damn well made sure you were in the position to fund his schooling.

  6. Your kid seems to be picking up on your elitist attitude...I would change your attitude and fast. If you cant afford it, what is your choice.

Oh and incase you were unclear. Bit fat YABU!

sarah293 · 07/10/2010 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Amiable · 07/10/2010 17:52

Pag you're in BIG trouble if I ever meet you. I just laughed so loud I woke up my 11 week old after he eventually went to sleep after a v trying day, and my 4 yr old DD was so shocked she burst out crying too! I am now vv Angry Grin

sailorsgal · 07/10/2010 17:53

YABU, even if your dad pays the fees how will you afford the extras because there always are.

MollieO · 07/10/2010 17:55

If this is genuine and your Ds is really that bright i would approach the prep school and see if they can do anything to help re earlier admission and bursary. Of course there is no guarantee he will get in either now or at secondary. It isn't just a question of being bright it is also a question of your Ds being the sort of pupil they want.

NorkyButNice · 07/10/2010 17:56

Coke for breakfast?

Pah.

My kids get heroin with a spliff chaser.

violethill · 07/10/2010 17:59

Yes, go on OP, email them your opening post on here - they'll be falling over themselves to give your kid a bursary - I'm sure he'll be a wonderful asset! And you'll be great entertainment value in the staffroom Grin

nobodyisasomebody · 07/10/2010 18:05

My son has coke for breakfast and I smoke. However he has been diagnosed with ADHD (another story) The coke is given because apparently small amounts of caffiene help kids with ADHD. Coffee works too.

I don't have a shell suit sadly Wink

MadameCastafiore · 07/10/2010 18:08

I think you need yto take him in hand with regards to his attitude and not think it is the schools job - sounds like a jumped up little prig who needs to learn a bit of humility and you need to go and earn some cold hard cash to give your child the life you think he should have rather than expect someone else to pay for it.

SoupDragon · 07/10/2010 18:23

Your son sounds like the kind of boy I hope mine never meets at his private secondary.

SoupDragon · 07/10/2010 18:25

FWIW, DS has gone from state primary to a good private secondary and do you know what...? He fits in just fine.

ShadeofViolet · 07/10/2010 18:26

Living in poveryy on 17k??? Hmm

AlgebraKnocksItUpANotchBAM · 07/10/2010 18:35

can't you get a bursary if he's that clever?

...anyway YABU really, I can see why you'd want him to get the best education but

also if you're not working you could home school him?

hate to say it but kids must get their 'bad behaviour' and arrogance from somewhere, and it's often the parents... sorry. I feel really mean writing that, but that's my million quids tuppence worth

pootsmum · 07/10/2010 18:43

Assuming you are real, I think I may have the solution.

have you tried hooking to amass the money to fund his education?

because you have certainly prostituted any principles you may have held just by posting this 'dilemma'.

YouHaveVeryMadBanners · 07/10/2010 18:44

I think as a parent, you ought to be teaching your child a little humility! He will not get far with such a bad smug attitude. It is your job to teach your child too.

Although, your own attitude leaves a lot to be desired.

It is not the job of your dad to fund a private education for your child. If you are unable to do this yourself, then you just have to suck it up to be perfectly honest.

anastasiak · 07/10/2010 18:48

I think this is a wind up so can't believe I am wasting my time replying but......

OP - You say your son's best friend gets coke for breakfast. I wouldn't give my kids coke for breakfast either (or at any other time of the day if I can help it), but surely the only thing that matters is that your son's best pal is a nice boy and that they have fun together, not your shallow judgments about his mother?You obviously think you are better than them - if your post is not a joke, then trust me, you are not better than them.

Your chat about his IQ is also hilarious - as if the IQ of a child of that age makes any difference whatsoever. My mum packed my sister off for lots of assessments at that age because she was convinced she was backwards - she is now an oxford educated doctor. Wanting your son to be some sort of freaky genius at the age of 7 or 8 is a huge mistake - all that matters at that age is that he learns to read and write, and to be a nice boy. You are obviously the sort of person who thinks you can buy or pressure your way to successful kids - trust me - you can't.

You will end up with a vile spoiled brat of a son who has had everything handed to him on a plate, thinks he is better than everyone else, and lacks the moral fibre and fortitude of character to achieve anything on his own. You are setting him a terrible example with your appalling attitude.

RainbowRainbow · 07/10/2010 18:49

Great post OP. Shock

Of course YABU. Your little star obviously didn't get his 101% intelligence from you.

But perhaps there's a reality TV show in there somewhere? And who knows, it might pay the school fees?! Grin

fartblossom · 07/10/2010 18:54

you sound like a right snob. Assuming you are for real that is.

BlueFergie · 07/10/2010 19:00

8uygvdefl

BlueFergie · 07/10/2010 19:04

Sorry everyone that was DDs contribution. Think she is saying YABU

OrmRenewed · 07/10/2010 19:18

Oh I hope it's real. I hope so Grin

I love it when there is a really outrageous OP and everyone leaps into the thread up belling like hounds when they scent the fox! So exhilarating !

Tally hoooooo!

PS Apologies for the Un-PC hunting metaphors Wink

QuickLookBusy · 07/10/2010 19:19

Well BlueFergie your DD comes across alot better than the OP, maybe she should give him/her a bit more advise!

sapphireblue · 07/10/2010 19:19

No sign of the OP then? Surprise surprise!

systemsaddict · 07/10/2010 19:20

"Grandad", in the thread title? Isn't that rather - um - common? Grandfather surely - Grandpapa at a push. Still, I guess that's what state primary does for you.

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