to want grandad to pay for private primary?

[educationeducationeducation]

I've namechanged for this.

My DS is in primary 4 at a local state school which I moved to get him into because of its good reputation. I only ever expected him to go there for a year or 2 while I was on maternity leave. However, I was made redundant and have been unable to get another job.

We live within walking distance of a 'perfect' private school which has an intake of an extra class in primary 5 (next year).

I know we could wait until he is due to start secondary (same school) when he will be eligible for a bursery but I want him to go next year. If I had ANY spare money I would use it to send him there, but we are currently classed as 'living in poverty' (4 people on £17k).

There are 2 main reasons why I dont want to wait. Firstly, his IQ is higher than the top 1% of the population. He used to be 4 years ahead of his peers but this has shrunk to 2. His current school has very little to offer him academically. He cruises and has become quite arrogant about being smarter then the other children (and teachers). His school has a 'softly, softly' attitude to what I deem bad behaviour. I can see how this is appropriate for other children but he just manipulates and take advantage. He needs a stricter environment.

Secondly, the children he has chosen to be friends with are not the kind of children I want him to associate with. For example his best friend gets coke for breakfast and is dropped off at school by a shell-suited mother with the obligatory fag hanging out of her mouth. From these children my DS has picked up such an unpleasant accent that I am frequently embarassed at hearing him speak. I really dont want him exposed to these influences any longer.

So I think it's reasonable to want my Dad (a millionaire on paper) to not wait until secondary to help pay school fees. He thinks private primary is indulgent and unnecessary and can't seem to fathom that by the time DS is 11 too much damage will have been done. I went from a good state primary to a private secondary and I never felt like I fitted in.
I know Dad can afford it. I'm an only child so it's not like he has other grand DCs other than mine to provide for.

AIBU?

What a horrible spoilt brat you are.

So by your own admission his bad behaviour and attitude aren't reserved for school. Therefore the blame for his behaviour and attitude can't be attributed to school or the peers he mixes with. So rationally a different school and different peers aren't going to be a solution.
I strongly suggest you speak to your GP and ask for a referral to CAMHS. You say he behaves like a teenager now well try and imagine how difficult this will be to address when he is double the size with more outside influences and a good helping of teenage stroppiness thrown in.
Have you ever heard of Aspergers? You might find this interesting.

Many children go from state primary to private school and have no problem at all. A good private school should ensure that the transition is as smooth as possible. DD1 went from state primary to state secondary to top performing indie for the 6th form, she fitted in very well. You should be gratefull that your Father is helping with the fees for secondary school and stop making unreasonable demands, afterall it's his money.

Have now taken on board the later comments about your ds' difficult behaviour in the home and feel stronger than ever that this is not a problem you can hope for a change of school to fix.

Your ds is unhappy. His arrogance is part of a wider unhappiness. I cannot tell if his problems lie outside (to do with his past/ something in his family/relations with his stepfather) or if they are due to something inside himself (such as SN). But if you do not know, you must make it your business to find out. I would start with the following:

*go and see his teacher and tell her that you are concerned about ds' behaviour in and out of school. Do not at this stage tell her what you think the problem is or what the school should do- ask her if she has seen a problem and what she thinks

*make an appointment with your GP to have him assessed by CAHMS, as other posters have said- this won't label him, nobody need ever know, and they may well decide that his problems do not fall within their remit, but may still be able to point you in the direction of somebody who can help you (I would go in prepared to hear suggestions of family therapy, as this may well be a useful suggestion- it is not a criticism of you as a family)