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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with FIL

192 replies

mosschops30 · 28/09/2010 11:13

IL's have the 2 dcs once a week for me to work. I am very grateful for this, always take them and pick them up on time, always say thank you for having them and dont really ask for any extra childcare (or very rarely).

Yesterday I picked up dcs and asked if they could do 2 days next week because I am taking my mum to see a show for her birthday. I am doing it in the shortest time possible (driving 3 hours to mums, then an hour to show, then staying over, then driving mum back home, then 3 hours home for me). They said ok.

Then this morning I had a txt saying 'you will have to find someone else for next week, please dont take us for granted in future' Hmm

I was initially really cross, but am now just upset that this txt will now cause bad feeling between us. DH has spoken to FIL and FIL says they love having the dcs but they didnt like that I had planned something and then asked them, if I had asked them before and then planned it they would be ok with it Hmm

So now I dont think I can take my mum away next week, not because the IL's are doing anything, but just because I didnt ask them the right way round!

OP posts:
FoghornLeghorn · 29/09/2010 16:04

Classic Grin Grin Grin

Oh well, alls well that ends well - you've realised not to book things without arranging sitters first and FIL will hopefully have learnt to say what he means the first time next time.

warthog · 29/09/2010 19:07

still, i reckon you can get a teeny bit of mileage out of this with fil.

if he brings it up you can say you weren't able to go. don't elaborate. might make him feel a tiny bit bad.

but i wouldn't bring it up tbh.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 29/09/2010 20:55

would you believe it, FIL has just txt and said 'would you like me to have the dcs next wk' (followed by a smilie face wearing shades) Hmm

dh has told me to txt something nice back and not to be sarcastic Wink, be the better person apparently Hmm

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 29/09/2010 21:10

So you can't text back "Thanks for the offer but I'm ok for next week. Are you available in 5th October 2011 though"

Original poster
mosschops30 · 29/09/2010 21:17

connor thats exactly what i said to dh and he pulled cats bum face Grin

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 29/09/2010 21:31

How about "Thanks that would be great I've got loads of things planned for next week and have been meaning to sort out child care arrangements for ages!"

Katisha · 29/09/2010 21:39

Does he mean in addition to the normal one? If so, say no thanks.
If he means just the usual arrangement, then is he still making a point?

Tomatefarcie · 29/09/2010 21:57

Mosschops, just wanted to say YWNBU in the first place, and Y wouldn't BU to milk the situation a bit. Your ils were quite prepared to ruin your mum's birthday for the sake of teaching you a lesson. How bloody old are you??? 6???

I would look into alternative childcare, and would be upset too upon receiving similar text.

I would definitely not tell them about the mistake you made, and not say a word about your non plans next week.

Sod being the better person.

ConnorTraceptive · 29/09/2010 22:09

Has he sent any message acknowledging your apology? If not then I think he is being a bit of an arse actually and my reply would be pretty frosty.

AllGoodNamesGone · 29/09/2010 23:40

I am guessing that your FIL texting and offering to have them next week after all is his way of saying that he accepts your apology and, now that he no longer feels taken for granted, he doesn't mind babysitting after all.

Or perhaps he had an attack of guilt about potentially spoiling your mum's birthday.

I'd text him back and say thanks but you've decided to go next year instead and would they be able to babysit then ... Grin

diddl · 30/09/2010 06:43

"Your ils were quite prepared to ruin your mum's birthday for the sake of teaching you a lesson. How bloody old are you??? 6???"

I don´t agree with that tbh.

ILs are maybe not the only childcare available, and they did cancel quickly leaving OP with a week to find an alternative.

I think I´d come clean about it being for next year, have a laugh & ask if they´ll do it then?

gtamom · 30/09/2010 06:50

I agree with connor!

diddl · 30/09/2010 07:57

OP-is your Mum´s bday on the 5th?

If so, would it be possible to let ILs have the children & visit for the day?

LoveBeingInvitedToTheVIPSale · 30/09/2010 08:15

PMSL @ this gotta be moved to classics.

Dont give your inlaws any statisfaction, just advise them that you have swapped the tickets for aonther day Wink

DinahRod · 30/09/2010 09:40

Tell him you've cancelled your mum's birthday treat and moved it to next year [passive aggressive lying emoticon Grin]

Have every sympathy. Dh, for once, is in the wrong (he passed rude comment on an inedible meal FIL cooked and has apologised) but FIL is having a whale of a time being indignant, hurt and angry. Dh is rather hacked off now with pandering to him considering how rude and bigoted FIL can be. Said to dh I'll broker the peace but am rather enjoying the silence.

nancydrewrocked · 30/09/2010 09:52

So you booked the tickets 9 months ago and only thought to ask the IL's if they could babysit the week before?

No wonder they thought you were taking the piss.

Glad it's no longer an issue though.

Original poster
mosschops30 · 30/09/2010 10:26

i just txt and said 'dont laugh but when I looked at the tickets they were for 2011' and left it at that.
It was the nicest thing I could think to say, with zero sarcasm.
DH thinks it was his way of apologising, dh himself can never say sorry, he will either buy me something or take me out for a meal. I suspect FIL is the same

OP posts:
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