AIBU to be losing the will to live with MN. Let's ban the following!

[proudnglad]

Yes, yes it's a thread about threads. Yes it's grumpy. But FFS what is going on MN?? Can we please ban the following on AIBU:

Facebook threads

Threads where the OP is 62 paragraphs long (fair enough if it's emotional with a long back story but when it's about a fight with your MIL over a satsuma - MAKE IT SHORT)

Gender threads - no-one likes their sons more than their daughters ok??

Fabricated dialogue - 'a man in the supermarket told me to remove my dd's filthy little hand from his trolley or he would call security, AIBU to tell him to piss off?'. No he didn't say that. You are making it up. Go away.

Any others?

Not a thread to be banned but I think people who hijack threads should be.

So, what is the difference between mandarins, clementines, tangerines and satsumas?

Christmas Traditions threads.

In other words, Let me post about my wonderful Christmas and make you feel really really shit that you're not me.

My favourite (?) of these was the poster who told of their Christmas Eve when all the village gathers in their barn to sing carols and their dcs creep in in their (surely it was Boden) pyjamas to say good night. I nearly puked all over my computer. And then to top it all they went on about on Christmas Day all the sisters cook dinner together all pally-wally with the children and bils and parents all around and and etc etc etc. At that point I just wanted to hang myself.

This is a bit irrational. The ones who say 'HELP, i need meal ideas for my best friend who's coming for lunch in june 2011'.

No idea Thebeast, but I'm fairly sure that they are all not in season yet, so I wouldn't bother buying them

threads where the op has a row with their dh/p and he tells her to fuck off, she comes onto mn for a bit of a moan then a billion other posters pile in with "he is an abusive, controlling wanker with anger issues, leave him NOW!"

NB, I am not talking about threads where the h/p IS an abusive controlling wanker with anger issues.

Who's your favourite MNer?

Who's the sexiest MNer?

Which MNer would you most like to meet in RL?

Who's the cleverest MNer?

Just fuck off, the lot of you.

[bitter]

Actually, this is the one I hate the most:

My 6mo/1yo/2yo/15yo is really good at jigsaws, is he a genius?

What IS it with bloody jigsaws????

I am very good at sexy jigsaws.

I cringe at the sycophantic 'Am AIBU to be [insert MNetter name]'s biggest fan?'

Yes YABU, you are a grown up not a schoolgirl at Mallory Towers.

And the term 'Mumsnet Royalty' gets my toes a-curling.

[sadly deletes my "Squeaver is my favourite MNer - who's yours?" thread without pressing post....]

AIBU by stealth threads.

OP.AIBU not to want my MIL to watch my pfb? We're going out for a meal,and dh has asked his parents to look after pfb,but I think only my parents should be allowed to look after him.

Rest of MN: YABU.She's pfb's grandparent too. He'll be fine. It's important that he has a close relationship with her.

OP.Why do you think I'm being unreasonable? I don't think it's all that unreasonable not to be comfortable with him looking after pfb. I'm going to tell dh that she can't look after him.

Rest of MN.Why did you ask if you don't want our opinions? PS You're still being unreasonable.

OP.Oh no I'm not,you shower of harridans.

Rest of Mn.Oh yes you are.

OP.No I'm not,and besides she's the high priestess of a satanic cult which sacrifices male pfbs twice a month on Fridays,and dh booked the restaurant for Friday so I'm being perfectly reasonable.

Rest of Mn. Why didn't you say so before?

OP.I didn't think it was terribly relevant.

[wants to be a school girl at Mallory Towers]

Thread titles that say URGENT.... and actually, the OP is not urgent AT ALL

If we banned all the types of threads mentioned there would be no more mumsnet!!

Then what would I do all day in the evening.

threads where people complain about mumsnet.

But seriously, serious I Hate This About MN / MNers threads. If you hate it - leave. I thought this was supposed to be fun. Why hang around if it's not?

WTF is a sexy jigsaw and where can I get one?

Threads, or any post for that matter, that contain acronyms.

I mean, really - DS, DD, DH - can you honestly not spare the extra 0.4 seconds to type son, daughter or husband?

And I can't even explain how I feel about AF or BD or I will be sick on my newly-repaired laptop and the guy in the shop will smirk at me when I take it back to be fixed. Again.

Sorry Foxy

WHAT THE FUCK is a sexy jigsaw and where can I get one?

The am-I-pregnant ones (not on TTC topics) where OP says "we had sex 6 days before I ovulated, dh wore a condom, but my period is 20 minutes late and I just FEEL pregnant"

Errr... do a test?

"I have and it is negative, what should I do now?"

Or the ones on teenage topics, where people with real live hormonal risk-taking teenage dcs ask a question about handling some tricky issue, only to be bombarded with pages of answers from mums of pfb 2 year olds who are "I will never let a teen do that ever". OK, wait a few years.

The what-job-can-I-do-from-home threads where OP states clearly that they do not want to do party plan, only to be bombarded with 50 replies that say x book sales, or x kitchen equipment sales, or x herbal bollock ointment sales is fab, sign up under me.

Yes we seem to have obliterated every conceivable kind of thread now!

Perhaps I need to start a thread about what's allowed?

In all seeeerrioouusness I love MN.

It's full of amazingly funny and clever posters.

But things just seem to have gone awry lately with all manner of silliness and dullardery
.

I don't mind,and often use,the more common abbreviations which aren't exclusive to Mumsnet e.g dp,dd,ds etc.

However some do confuse me. I often find myself wondering why parents have allowed their children to go away for the day with their doctor(GPs),or why mothers have a bowel movement(BM)stored in their fridge.

And the ones where the title is "What happened to the thread about the [insert tantalising story]".

I can't help opening them, even though it is obvious that the juicy / intersting / salacious thread has gone.

Any thread thats asks "should I of done this?"

I'm such a pedant!

oh god, i am a conception thread veteran and i loathe AF, BD...

auntie flow? seriously? does you period knit you misshapen jumpers, drink all the sherry at xmas and try to forcefeed you chicken snadwiches even if you are vegetarian? does your aunt make you spotty, irrational and fat? does your aunt ruin your good knickers? no. just call it a period ffs.

and as for babydancing how do you suck all the sexiness and enjoyment out of sex? give it the name of a bad "chickflick/lit" written by a virgin. call it sex. its a grown up act, give it a grown up name!