AIBU to be losing the will to live with MN. Let's ban the following!

[proudnglad]

Yes, yes it's a thread about threads. Yes it's grumpy. But FFS what is going on MN?? Can we please ban the following on AIBU:

Facebook threads

Threads where the OP is 62 paragraphs long (fair enough if it's emotional with a long back story but when it's about a fight with your MIL over a satsuma - MAKE IT SHORT)

Gender threads - no-one likes their sons more than their daughters ok??

Fabricated dialogue - 'a man in the supermarket told me to remove my dd's filthy little hand from his trolley or he would call security, AIBU to tell him to piss off?'. No he didn't say that. You are making it up. Go away.

Any others?

chickens. Keep calm and carry on in other words?

Hate it when people can't be arsed to read the thread and post anyway at the end. I know it's obvious but I hate it. The poetry threads end up with "if" every 3 pages or some poster saying " um, there's this poem I like, something about if you can keep your head".... Someone links to it, despite the fact it's been printed in full eighteen times in the thread already then two pages later it all begins again. FFS.

Baby names when someone suggests a mad name like, say, "Immergen" that could not possibly occur to anyone else. But lo! the next twenty posters have it in their list. Odd people.

Threads which include the term 'benign neglect'. Okay - so you can't really be arsed playing with your kids. Lets call a spade a spade eh ?

am i pregnant threads. in chat. I am not psychic, nor am i "claire, the clearblue expert"

and "i did a hpt 2 days after i ovulated, nothing came up, when i checked it again after 3 days there was a faint grey line, am i pg?"

no. wait til after your period is late and disregard tests after 10 mins. READ THE INSTRUCTIONS FFS!

Here are the ones that are like fingernails on a blackboard for me:

1. 'Does anyone live in Birmingham' or similar. Er.....of course someone lives in Birmingham - now what is it you want to ask?

1. The 'could I be pregnant' threads. Especially if the person/their partner hasn't used birth control.

1. The 'I'm so drunk' or 'I'm so hungover' threads. OK - certainly can happen, but seems fairly dippy for grown people/parents to be behaving/posting like uni students about their drunken escapades.

1. Threads that have been done many times: 'has anyone had laser eye surgery' etc. Often those who could advise best are bored of responding. The person would be far better served if they spent 10 minutes looking at the thread archives.

Post where the OP claims to be "distressed and upset" having witnessed a fairly mundane episode of less than optimal parenting. " I was in a shop and this very young mum didn't get her child (who was probably drinking a fruit shoot) out of the pushchair even though it was clear he wanted to, and to make matters worse she ignored him for what must have been several minutes and started texting".
Just designed to try and make to OP look sensitive and caring whereas actually they just need to get a life.

Ooh come out of my meeting to find 81 replies. Hurrah that I am not alone in my grumpiness!!!!

Honeydragon - you know when the OP is making up conversation because it reads like a badly scripted scene out of Eastenders. Acted by Barbara Windsor. On an off day.

And when the scenario/question posed is so lame they have had to bolster it with ludicrously made-up dialogue to garner any reaction.

Religion/Secular ones. Recently made the mistake of engaging on one of these but never again.

Note to self, do not reply when you know it will just result in an online and pointless argument

Completely agree on the religious / secular threads. Good to have the debate....but there is no answer and it's just a can of worms.

I am SO rubbish at identifying made-up posts. Am too naive......

Ones where people obviously have massive chips on their shoulder about how they feed/fed their babies and insinuate that anybody that dares to breastfeed is smug/making them feel bad/nazi/warrior etc. Get overyourselves so you are unhappy that you couldnt breastfeed that is sad for you but dont take it out on everyone else.

Mean I know but those threads where poster is obviously very proud of her kind behaviour "my neighbour was upset so I brought her in for a cup of tea, looked after her children for 2 weeks and paid off her mortgage". Cue reams of posters telling OP how kind she is. Abit cringey.

giddly - yes!

Threads which clearly highlight a plausibly risky situation or oddity and then all responses are 'oh don't be so crazy that's normal'.

oh plenty of threads piss me off all the time, all of the ones mentioned here, probably more besides, I am increasingly intolerant and hiding more and more, it is quite satisfying...

re satsumas: bought a lovely bag of clementines at morrisons on saturday, citrus fans...delish

chickens - yes, yes and yes...

A man onhis own came within 100 feet of my child. AIBU to have phoned the police.

They inevitably include OP having some instinct about the way he smiled, or wore his hat or said good morning. The OP fails to mention that she has this instinct about every man who does not have a wife, three children and an expression of weary sexlessness upon his face.

Or when the OP says "I have just come out of my meeting".

To cover up the fact she is ignoring everyone and to make her self seem important :)

I always post when I have managed a witty retort. It is because I so rarely do.
I should post 'bloke shouted wanker at me in the street. I stood there , too shocked and too stupid to respond. He drove away. I was left feeling impotent and a twat' just to make a more accurate impression.

Although the witty ripostes I post are usually DS1, who is weirdly quick and funny. Shite that he is

Breastfeeding vs FF
SAHM vs WOHM

I'm back... can't leave this thread alone. I actually get more wound up by crappy responses than crappy OPs.

Apart from the golliwog ops. WTF???

I hate all MN-cliqueness e.g 'Who are you and why does your opinion matter? I don't even recognise your name'. And when a sensible reply by a non-famous MNer goes unacknowledged until same point made by a member of MN 'royalty' to a chorus of 'excellent point, [well-known MNer]'

Patronising responses to (ok, slightly annoying) OPs written in text-speak by innocent first posters. E.g 'If you want to be taken seriously here dear, suggest you use proper english / correct grammar / apostrophise appropriately'. Someone once even translated an OP for another MNer too far up her own arse to make the effort to read it herself.

Political threads which are clearly partisan, and posters of the other persuasion crash on and ruin a perfectly decent discussion by slagging off David C's shiny face or David M's playmobil hair....I mean, fine on a general political thread, come on and do your worst, but I wouldn't dream of going onto "I'm trueblue" thread and pointing out their shortcomings.

This won't be popular,but threads featuring the use of 'ponce','poncey','poncetastic' and any variation thereof.

I hate that term so much. It's so often used in a faux self-deprecating,smug,'Look how middle class I am!' way.

And it's often used to refer to things which are in no way 'poncey'. Gnocchi for example. There's nothing 'poncey' about gnocchi.

I particuarly loathe anecdotes such as;

My neighbour was looking after little Pretentious,and her brother 'Herodotus' when she offered them a tomato sandwich.

'Are those tomatoes,organic,Fairtrade,and members of a union which guarantees two holidays in the Med every year,and no more than six weeks growing time?,said little Pretentious?

'That bread;said Herodotus,Is it made from organic,virgin Maldavian wheat which consented to be harvested and processed?

'Er no;I don't think so 'said my neighbour.
'No thankyou then Mrs Putupon.' 'We couldn't possibly eat non organic tomatoes'

Aren't they sweet?

I always want to say,no,it's not being sweet. It's called being a brat,and you're to blame!

top thread! yes yes yes

Agree about the threads that are 'showing off by stealth'.

'Tristram is in Y1 and still getting easy spellings like onomatopoeia, AIBU to have a word with his teacher?'

Soooo agree with "there's nothing poncey about gnocchi"

"Threads which clearly highlight a plausibly risky situation or oddity and then all responses are 'oh don't be so crazy that's normal'."

Ok, I'm going to go the other way and say that I hate the threads where someone refers in passing to some perfectly normal bit of lazy parenting that 99% of parents will have done at some point - like leaving their child asleep in their carseat to go and pay for petrol, or having a drink in a hotel bar with the baby monitor on, and everyone piles in going " how could you DO that, I hope you're proud of yourself leaving your child unattended, what if there was a fire/flood/nuclear bomb/national paedophile convention at the hotel "