AIBU to be losing the will to live with MN. Let's ban the following!

[proudnglad]

Yes, yes it's a thread about threads. Yes it's grumpy. But FFS what is going on MN?? Can we please ban the following on AIBU:

Facebook threads

Threads where the OP is 62 paragraphs long (fair enough if it's emotional with a long back story but when it's about a fight with your MIL over a satsuma - MAKE IT SHORT)

Gender threads - no-one likes their sons more than their daughters ok??

Fabricated dialogue - 'a man in the supermarket told me to remove my dd's filthy little hand from his trolley or he would call security, AIBU to tell him to piss off?'. No he didn't say that. You are making it up. Go away.

Any others?

When OP says something like 'my brother is selfish for getting married when i have a 3 year old. I canot travel 3 miles with a child can i?'. And over-empathic posters say 'poor thing, of cuorse you dont have to go'.

Oh dear, I did a thread where I posted my ?comeback? at someone who had upset me. It was definitely true! I didn?t make it up. Oh dear?

threads with the word 'playdate'.

This word makes my toes curl.

Never heard it in RL, only on here. Tis truly vile.

Oh Orm

I had forgotton the pain of the satsuma that looks lucious and juicy but turns out to be all pith and water, with no orange flavour at all. Just a big stringy wet disappointment. Then for weeks you scowl at them in supermarkets as thay flaunt their shiny jewel like sienna hues at you.... knowing eventually you will part with cash take them home .....AND THEN LET YOU DOWN ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

A good satusma is hard to find and a brilliant one just ruin subsequent others forever as you continue in a awful cycle of hope and disappointment.

Pushy Parent threads.

"Should I demand that the governing body intervenes because ds is not on Orange level and he's been reading since he was 2 weeks old and every educational psychologist I've consulted says he is working 5 years above his age and the teacher won't set special work for him and shall I move him to a school 20 miles away where he can be stretched and............"

My top two satsuma purchases of all time came from 1. Borough Market and 2. Swaffham Market.

I am a satsuma expert and I claim the prize because my mother had to take me to the doctor's when I was 10 because I'd turned orange from liver overload due to binge satsuma eating.

Any threads with 'profoundly gifted 18 month old' in the title.

Or am I just jealous?

Attention seeking threads. "AIBU to feed darling Edwin only organic fruit and veggies?"

Idiotic threads. "AIBU to find the lady who slapped me and called me a whore a little bit rude".

Style and beauty threads which take this piss out of anyone over a size 14. E.g. the one where someone asked for some advice on an outfit for a size 20-22 and someone "hilariously" suggested they buy a bag.

People over 8 stone can still be interested in looking nice!

Respect gramercy!

No, satsumas in the UK were only consistently nice in the 1970 when I were a lass. Now they are just bags of orange liquid dressed in satsuma clothing. So disappointing. In fact you could update that old frog/prince saying "You have to eat a lot of tasteless orange crap before you get a satsuma".

Thread titles which give no clue as to content - too many threads too little time to find out imo. Some OPs can get so much into the title that the post is almost unnecessary so try a bit harder please before you just post -

AIBU to be angry about this?

AIBU to be disappointed that...

I'm now tempted to start a "what shall I eat for lunch" kind of thread...

YANBU. I heartily agree with every point so far! I especially hate the smug parenting threads.

I'm not sure about the fabrication ones, mainly because last Christmas i put up a post about something i had witnessed in Tesco and one poster said it was ridiculous and i was lying. I wasn't.

The 'What do I need to take to Center PArcs?' threads..If you search you will find a zillion other threads asking the same question.

The 'Oi xxxxx over here' threads

THe 'Who's the funniest/ nicest Mner' threadsare we still in primary school?

The 'Shall I buy these boots?' threads with a link to the dullest pair of boots on the planet, if you cant make a decision on that one unny there's no hope for you....

People who start threads with a list of things their DC can do and ask if this is normal, but want and expect replies of 'wow they are the most incredibly gifted and intelligent children ever, and cute, I had a look at your profile'!

Good job "Gifted & Talented" has its own separate bit. Every so often one of them breaks out of there and posts in the regular sections. Aaaaggggh. I wish there could be an exaggeration alert flashing on a post which claims "Bertram was reading and comprehending Harry Potter at 3 years old" Yeah, right.

Supermarket satsumas are awful. You need that moist, fat jacket which just slips off - but not too easily which indicates a dry inside. Satsumas from markets are generally superior.

Prams!

What the fvck are they all about?

How-much-are-you-going-to-spend-at-Christmas (and I must add I am a Christmas-holic) but why on earth do you want to know how much I'm going to spend? It won't make you feel any better, or worse, about how much you are going to spend, or make you suddenly spent 3 thousand pound per child, or only give them a satsuma will it? So why start the thread?

And yes to the Am-I-pregnant and do-I-need-an-ambulance threads. If you need to ask, then you probably do, but if you're capable of asking, you most likely don't.

Nasty name threads.

Oh, yes, the "I only give my dcs a satsuma and an old book from the charity shop" posts. Implying that everyone else is a profligate idiot.

They fail to mention that their dcs are aged six weeks and two years old, so wouldn't notice if they got an old shoe. They cannot possibly feel the pain of a poster with two hulking great greedy teenagers expecting Jack Wills sweatshirts and i-Phones.

I think smug parents/GPs annoy me so much as I have taken a part time job in a toy shop and I see them in real life!

'My 8 month old grandson loves jigsaws but all the age appropriate ones are too easy for him, do you have any 500 piece ones with In The Night Garden on?'

Me - No, I'm sorry we don't he will just eat them you numpty!

Agree with a lot of this esp threads which call for favourite mnetters,childish and playground type behaviour.

Flouncing threads , just GO, this is the internet fgs, you're just attention seeking and looking for loads of "oh please stay, won't be the same without you!" type responses. Usually, surprise surprise results in poster "grudgingly" deciding to stay .

The recent glut of threads populated by the precious mum crew who cannot believe a) the their precious darlings may not have been invited or b) that their precious darlings needs haven't been completely pandered to and shock horror the bride hasn't arranged the whole day round the ROUTINE.

Following on from this some poor buggers posting their wedding plans on MN for approval!!!?! usually started by "i've tried to take everyones needs into consideration but after reading things on here i'm worried i'll upset people" . MN thankfully is not a wedding planning service.

All of the 'a man was on his own! In public! Looking in the vague direction of my children!' hysterical ones. Men make up half the human race. You will see them occassionally, even sometimes unaccompanied They will use their eyes to look around. No need to panic.

at time burglar.

All of the above and so much more.