AIBU to be losing the will to live with MN. Let's ban the following!

[proudnglad]

Yes, yes it's a thread about threads. Yes it's grumpy. But FFS what is going on MN?? Can we please ban the following on AIBU:

Facebook threads

Threads where the OP is 62 paragraphs long (fair enough if it's emotional with a long back story but when it's about a fight with your MIL over a satsuma - MAKE IT SHORT)

Gender threads - no-one likes their sons more than their daughters ok??

Fabricated dialogue - 'a man in the supermarket told me to remove my dd's filthy little hand from his trolley or he would call security, AIBU to tell him to piss off?'. No he didn't say that. You are making it up. Go away.

Any others?

LetThereBeRock - not half as confusing as the ones that go something like:
Oh no! DD's DS ended up in the washing machine - what do I do??
First panic over, I realise it's a fucking toy - I occasionally ponder the suggestion that Nintendo DSs should be referred to as NDS, rather than just DS, to avoid the confusion but then think Nah, not worth it.

The DS ones get me too.

I've just read the thread and IMO

Mumsnet should close down - there's nothing that's allowed

Guessing threads that go on forever.

OP:You'll never guess what I found in my handbag today! Go on.What do you think it was?

A vibrator?

A satsuma?

A frog?

Money you didn't know that you had?

2 hours later?

A weasel?

A digeridoo?

A taser?

5 hours later?
Op Where are you?

2 days and several grey hairs later...

OP returns. Well no one got it. It was half a pack of fluff covered Polo fruits!
Would you believe it?! They must have been in there for months. I didn't even know that they still made them.

This is mean but ungrammatical AIBU thread titles. It's AIBU to object to or be upset or angry about X, Y or Z. AIBU [noun] just doesn't do it for me.

What is it with satsumas today!

Is it me or are satsumas better the closer we get to xmas...i may start a thread on this

My own MN bugbears...anything about "am i pregnant" oh ffs there is an entire industry based around these things you piss on to find out. Try that, instead of asking people who do not know, do not care, and secretly hope if you're this dim you don't procreate anytime soon.

id say why not all feck off to twitter?

Threads where someone has a minor rant about their husband and everyone shouts 'leave him, useless prick'. Will never dare mention here that DH does not do the washing up, if I listen to you lot I will have to castrate him and then leave with his DC never to be seen again.

'AIBU to put together a little goodie basket for my friend who is pregnant?'
Stupid question, of course it is not unreasonable, but if you want everyone to tell you how lovely you are go somewhere else, AIBU is vicious!

Satsumas are the only fruit [worth eating in the orange-coloured citrus range, IMO] - oh ok, I'll give you mandarins as well then but NOT clementines, vile things.

oh and don't tell me the thread is "not for the faint hearted" then reveal all that happened was a toilet brush touched some poo

I'm in the minority, but I love horrible MIL threads.

"this is our second month ttc, why is it taking so long?"

FUCK OFF!

"I want to block a certain poster, i hate them and never want to see their posts. I think mn should change to accommodate me and my meangirls-esque tantrums"

cue every other poster wondering if its them that the op wants to block.

(am a tad hormonal today, can you tell? )

Any enlightenment on what po and pm are?
My two week break for a holiday has left me lightyears behind.

'i'm giving ds/dd a birthday party in 2 hours. What food should I serve and what games can we play? And, does anyone have a cake recipe they can share?'

'Quick! Emergency! Urgent! I've got guests coming in 2 hours, what can I give them to eat?'

"Quick! Emergency! Urgent! All of ds' socks are dirty, and he's got school this morning. What should I do?"

And sadder (and only a slight exaggeration): 'I met a bloke at the bus stop, we moved in together 10 days later, and a month after that I was shocked to find I was pregnant. I'm about to give birth, and he's turned out to be a tosser. What should I do'?

The thing with satsumas, the only way, right, is to go to the green grocer and buy them loose, with the leaves still on, that way you can tell if they are fresh, because the leaves will still be all shiny and green and floppy, intead of crackly and brown and withered, see?

The Right Of Visitors To Come And Have Tea In Your House Shortly After You Have Had A Baby threads will never be resolved.
:(

missornoco

I think Po is the short red one with the scooter

no no satsumas taste like battery acid, clementines are lovely and sweet (well, when you get good ones)

i love a bit of citrus controversy

Cat, You Are Wrong. A good satsuma is infinitely preferable to a cloyingly sweet clementine. Satsumas have a lovely clean citrus flavour - clementines have an almost artificial sweetness about them, IMO.

Difference between orange coloured citrus fruits....
Clementine = type of Tangerine
Tangerine & Satsuma = type of Mandarin

If it helps any, Mandarins have thinner skins (easy peelers) in the general order

Tangerine - Clementine - Satsuma.

Threads where a woman says 'I flooded the kitchen today because I left the tap on and ruined our expensive new floor, and when DH came home he was a bit cross and called me a silly cow' and then half a dozen people jump in and advise her to leave the abusive, manipulative bastard and escape to a refuge, based on that one little bit of information.

Names threads where someone lists their favourite names as Vladimir, Axillion and Wajamabbarah, and asks for similar names to be suggested, and someone will say 'have you considered James or Thomas?' Or vice versa.

Ambiguous thread titles where the OP sounds distressed but it's in chat, not in an obviously sensitive topic like bereavement etc. You feel like you have to click to see if she needs help, without knowing if you're going to be confronted with a tragic story, or somebody moaning because she's burnt the sausages.

I don't like tangerines either.

CuppaTeaJanice - pmsl at your second point, especially as I was on your names thread...

I thought Po was a loo?

There isn't a loo. There is a La-La

[possibly confused]