AIBU to storm out of family dinner...

[lecohen]

Long story short, my niece bit my daughter in the face, hub and I shout at her to stop and we get an earful for shouting...niece gets no discipline, my child no sympathy.

Bloody right you did! What is this the shout police! she needed a shock to stop her biting a child's face!

LOL at "shout police" beginning to think I walked into the twilight zone

Well, if it was my neice I would have no hesitation in shouting at her to stop, or whatever. My neice in fact is 8 months older than my DD, and has on many occasions suddenly and without warning grabbed a handful of her hair, or shoved her hard enough to make her fall.

And I have on these occasions SHOUTED at my neice to stop - and my sister and I have both told hr very firmly to stop, that this behaviour is not acceptable and that we are upset by it. And it has worked. She is great now, no pushing, hair pulling or shoving. Only toy-pulling now.

YANBU. FGS, why shouldn't you be able to tell your own neice off - Where I come from, children are shared; that means love, protection and if need be, discipline.

right, in that case then....

I had a biter for a child, by eldest son (I have 5 children, all now 8 - 16yrs old, eldest son is 10).....I hated it, was the worst feeling in the world parenting a biter. I think you know this, you have already stated your elder DD bites/bit.

I NEVER appreciated anyone else telling him off in a shouting way. remove him, hand him to me to sort out while the other child is dealt with, all ok, just don;t yell at my child and storm out as it confuses hi, he might have stopped but it was shock stop, not understanding shock (I hope you are getting what I mean here).

and to react in a large family setting....sorry, I would have reacted the way you say you family did towards you.

now, I actually appreciate other people telling my children off....they take if better and more often than not, understand btter and I think nowadays they are rather too adept at tuning my voice out due to hearing it too often!

I do completely understand that you reacted in a mother lioness way, and protected your cub, but to react the way you did.....very OTT IMVHO.

that said, not one of us here is perfect, no one ever is, and parenting is damn hard, and we make mistakes all the time, and learn from them. you will learn from this, and hopefully so will your SIL and neice.

but next time, leave the shouting to them, and just walk away and sort out your own DD.

Lol what you going to do walk over like a pleb and say "Oh please stop scarring my child's face darling, its not very nice"
And if it were my child biting i would do the same a big loud "NO!" What are this lot on seriously!

I bit my mum only twice. The first time I got told off, the second time she showed me what it felt like (no marks left).

I am one for telling "babies" off - 2 is not a baby, IMO and they're more than old enough to learn what is good or naughty.

I'd have raised my voice too, if nothing was said or done about a child biting my child

YANBU to be pissed off that they went and got all offended

Thanks...when my eldest used to do things like that my other SIL would also tell her off if she saw and I did not and would put her in the corner...I was totally OK with it and NEVER got upset. With her we also have that sharing notion you mention and it is never a case of don't discipline my children or me hers.

I want my children to be well behaved and listen to authority and learn right from wrong.

I want them to contribute well in society and be a pleasure wherever they go...I am certain that this teaching has greatly contributed to my eldest girls positive behaviour and will continue and also to my other children.

I stormed out of a family gathering once because my nephew bit me...however, he is now the lovliest 9 year old boy I know. Hopefully your niece will grow out of it too - in the meantime you need to speak to your brother, I don't think children should be allowed to get away with biting at this age but it needs to be dealt with appropriately.

Lecohen..i would have BELLOWED...'stop that right now'...lol at the shout police

Psychomum...I totally understand what you are saying, when my eldest acted out, I was horrified and so embarassed BUT unlike you I was totally OK with her being told off by others, actually it helped.

I am very much of the belief that if a child needs a telling off, they should get one whatever. When my OTHER SIL used to tell her off, I was totally OK with it,,,my brother on the other hand would not be, that is just difference of opinion and I can respect that IF he was to have done the disciplining but NOTHING, no reaction at all!

psychomum5

"just don;t yell at my child and storm out as it confuses hi,"

No i disagree it sends a clear message in my opinion If i bite, people get upset!

Seems clear to me!

oh, and by the way, my 10yr old is a lovely boy now, not a bully, and he grew out of it eventually. they all do you know, well, IME at least.

I don't regret getting her to stop by raising my voice, I am sad that it got turned on me for raising my voice when I acted correctly IMO.

I didn't scream further nor raise my hand or even speak any more to the child.

My child was crying in my arms, niece standing looking sheepish and all eyes on me for raising my voice,

If I was being unreasonable, I have still to understand why.

Maybe the storming out was immature BUT better that then toss the table or start getting personal.

Not really the fact you were attacked for perfectly reasonable behaviour was enough to warrant walking out. You were undermined in front of a child who you told off this speaks volumes to a child, and would encourage bad behaviour.

its the storming out bit that would confuse him

tell him off, yes, and explain about the telling off, but don;t yell and storm off.....how is that helpful?? That it what I meant.

the hell of this topic is that you can;t get the tone I am typing in.

She stormed off because of her family not the child's behaviour. I would never undermine a grown up in front of my child, because they then think that is acceptable.

The shout to stop and the storming out wasn't within seconds...there was a shout to stop, child stopped - family attack to me followed by me saying time to leave, got kids ready (PJ, brush teeth, coats), put away belongings and left...it wasn't instant but we left in a timely fashion after this point.

you didn't even shout though, not in my book, you just raised your voice in reaction.
Perfectly normal, not OTT .

Maybe parents of children who bite or display harmful behaviour on a regular basis should maybe let another person you trust tell them off once in a while.
Children often react differently to a non parent, espcially if it reinforces what you have already told them.

Some parents just obviously think because something like, biting, hurting etc is normal, then they don't have to disipline them, or just ignore and it will go away, or they just can't be arsed from sheer laziness.
Either way i can tell you i won't stand by and let any child hurt mine without intervening.
so best start looking at ways to make sure these phases are short lived, or you will have angry parents telling your children off.
And you only have yourselves to blame IMO.

now see, you need to explain all this in your OP.....replies would be lots differents.

right, I am now off to bed as just seen the time and only came on to sneak in a hello after a 6mth break, and now see what you've all done, addicted me already

night all :)

Erm she did!

Yeah,quite right....wtf am i doing still up???>

Thanks so much for that, I was beginning to feel really deflated HUGS.

Am off to bed now - hopefully I won't have nightmares of the shout police coming to take me away lol xxx

lool watch it they are on the way!

YANBU. You shouted "Ahhhhh Stop!" Which is instinct surely when someone- anyone- is hurting your child, imo.

I'm all for ignoring bad behaviour and praising good but biting and other behaviour that hurts should not be ignored.

I'd keep DD and DN seperate for a while when you have get togethers. Oh and Iwouldn't apologise for shouting either.