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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to storm out of family dinner...

250 replies

lecohen · 26/09/2010 23:55

Long story short, my niece bit my daughter in the face, hub and I shout at her to stop and we get an earful for shouting...niece gets no discipline, my child no sympathy.

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 27/09/2010 00:51

just out of interest, how do you know she hasn;t been disciplined??

if we are out and any of mine misbehave, I tell them off in private away from anybody else, I find they listen better and I can explain better when not in front of an audience. Especially an audience containing a sobbing toddler and angry parents.

oh, and asking someone not to post, that is pretty rude too....normally ignoring bad behaviour gets better responces Wink!

cat64 · 27/09/2010 00:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumof2children · 27/09/2010 00:53

in my circle of friend we all work, luckly i have family support so ds didn't start nursery until he was 3, however there children was in nursery from a young age (youngest was 9 months old)

what would the op do if it was child from nursery..which infact next year it may well be.

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:56

Right, I guess it is my fault for not giving you more background info...this is a regular thing.

Almost whenever we visit, niece bites my LO...brother says nothing, even denies it happened. SIL will say softly "don't bite" or even pretend she didn't see.

Biting to me is unnacceptable and I guess Friday's dinner was the last straw for me.

And if it was MY child, I would be very harsh on her and remove her!

When niece sees other cousins, she always does violent acts (even pushing child down stairs)...children are children yes, but this behaviour as far as I am concerned is not being worked on properly.

I might have over reacted but I feel I was justified to save my child!

OP posts:
MoralDefective · 27/09/2010 00:57

I think lecohen 'stormed out' because she got no support from other family members and was(understandably) upset that her DD had been bitten....the parents of the child who was biting should have quietly said LATER that they'd rather she din't shout..NOT in front of their child...totally undermining OP and reinforcing their own childs bad behaviour

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:58

I don't know why I am being painted as a villain...

We all have different parenting styles and I respect that but I draw the line at children being violent with one another.

My eldest was like that and we showed zero tolerance and now she is better for it!

What is the problem!

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 27/09/2010 00:59

Lecohen, you did nothing wrong in my book, in anyones book really.
Im pretty sure 99% of people wouldn't just look on calmly and act 'rationaly' when they catch another child biting the face of their own child.
Its not nice, yes its common, and yes it didn't do permenant damage, but in all honesty, i would of shouted at her to stop, just out of instinct.
Theres no way anyone would of casualy lent over and said, ' no dear, we don't bite do we, its not nice, here have some icecream' and then had a nice little chuckle about the 'unfortunate incident' Hmm
Theres not many things adults/parents do in a text book fashion when something is particularly distressing, so ignore the holier than thou types, in their eyes anything bar from giving the children a lecture about violence with demonstrations using handmade puppets, would of been wrong to them.

give your DD a good hug tomorrow, and try to make peace with your family members, whilst not apologising for their DD's behaviour.

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:59

EXACTLY moral! yes, precisely that! Thanks for expressing that for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 01:02

Thanks OTT, I think you make very rational advice and I think you are right!

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 27/09/2010 01:02

Lecohen - let us address this rudeness thing. You asked if I was your brother or his wife. I'm not and judging by your behaviour - both reported and on this thread - that is a relief to me and I have said as much. You then took it upon yourself to tell me to go to bed and to stop posting on your thread. I'm not impressed by that either and have responded accordingly.

Clearly this situation is part of an ongoing concern. Had you posted asking how you can support your brother and his wife with a challenging child whilst taking care of your own child then you might attract a more sympathetic response. The language you're using is very inflammatory you know - talking about 'saving' your child - the niece has teeth not a flamethrower. You speak of being 'very harsh' - this is your niece not a criminal. Do you like this child?

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 01:04

seriously Northern...are you trying to be funny? I adore my niece, children are children but those teeth are sharp! I love MY child more and her sweet cheek!

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 27/09/2010 01:06

there is no point posting an OP starting with 'long story short', state that you shouted and stormed out of dinner, and then only start giving relevent info when people start disagreeing with you.

drip feeding is never any good on AIBU....it is a long proven fact.

also long proven is that you will not get calm reasoned responces if you get shitty with people if you feel they have been rude, or are not supporting you in your anger.

bottom line is, your neice is still tiny, her parents may (or may not) be raising her to be an outright bully, but that is their problem not yours. if she regularly goes for your DD, then at get togethers keep your DD away from her until she either grows out of it, or you feel she is being disciplined in the way you agree with.

MoralDefective · 27/09/2010 01:07

Why keep this line going?(rudeness)....lecohen was upset and she shouted....let it go

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 01:08

please forgive my ignorance of how AIBU works, this was my first post in this section...you are right though that I will have to make a decision on how my child interacts with her cousin!

OP posts:
mumof2children · 27/09/2010 01:08

you are an autie aswell as a mum, so don't your niece behaviour don't bother you aslong as your dd is ok.

i am sorry to be blunt or bitchy, but my niece means just as much to me as my daughter. so i want to protect them both

Northernlurker · 27/09/2010 01:08

I am going to bed now Grin but lecohen - just ask yourself why I asked if you liked her (not to be funny since you ask)- because from this thread it sounds like you don't like her at all actually - and then you may want to think about if how that is you want to come across to the rest of the family?

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 01:09

And once again, not upset for difference of opinion AT ALL! Just don't care for someone to be RUDE!

Many comments were made that disagreed and I can take it!

OP posts:
MoralDefective · 27/09/2010 01:10

'Raising her to be an outright bully is their problem'....surely it's going to be the problem of the bullied children in years to come

psychomum5 · 27/09/2010 01:10

of course I forgive your ignorance, we all only ever learn by being told.

maybe your neice will now have learnt to stay away from your DD after you told her to stop :)

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 01:11

I said below, niece was ok with me saying "ahhhh stop"....did as told! I love her and she knows it, I still need to protect my child. If it was the other way round I would have reacted in EXACTLY the same way, that is the point that is missed!

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 27/09/2010 01:12

I only said they may be raising her to be a bully.........

psychomum5 · 27/09/2010 01:14

but in your first post said you shouted.

so what was it?? shouting.....sorry, YABU

telling her, nope, of course YANOTBU

Theincrediblesulk1 · 27/09/2010 01:16

If it had have been me i would have put her on the naughty mat! and stuff hat they said about it! if she could talk i would have demanded she say sorry!

If people don't like it stuff you, i would not allow my child to bite! nor would i allow someone else's!

Very naughty girl!

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 01:17

I did shout...I raised my voice!...I was asked below what I shouted and I stated "ahhhh no"

OP posts:
Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 01:18

And it was an instinctive shout, I couldn't even get my words out, I just wanted her to stop

OP posts:
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