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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to storm out of family dinner...

250 replies

lecohen · 26/09/2010 23:55

Long story short, my niece bit my daughter in the face, hub and I shout at her to stop and we get an earful for shouting...niece gets no discipline, my child no sympathy.

OP posts:
Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:10

so can I understand...I see the bite (mouth clamping on DD's cheek) and need to be more restraint?

OP posts:
PinkieMinx · 27/09/2010 00:10

I really don't think biting should be ignored - all this ignore bad behaviour stuff is parp!

cat64 · 27/09/2010 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumof2children · 27/09/2010 00:12

got to add the girls ate later, but not when nanny served it...me once dd was in bed i hit the sofa lol

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:12

phew Pinkie, thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:13

girls had eaten and let down, were in the room beside us... the room is small and had a long table laid out...they were in front of me standing right behind my mum and the mother of niece

OP posts:
Nellykats · 27/09/2010 00:14

if my your child was beaten in the face I would shout too - with shock!

YANBU

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:14

Oh, and I don't think a 2 yr old is a baby either, that is a very cognitive age!

OP posts:
Nellykats · 27/09/2010 00:15

whoops - If my child was bitten

double score there, falling asleep :)

OTTMummA · 27/09/2010 00:17

I can understand how it was an instinctual raising of your voice, not dragging niece away and yelling in her face, so i don't think YWBU tbh, and i would of been angry if the parents of the biter hadn't apologised and had a word with their child.
Yes kids do this, but they still need to know its wrong FGS.

Maybe its a good idea for them not to be sat near each other next time etc.

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:17

Thanks, it def WAS in shock!

I found this excellent article:

www.kidsgrowth.com/resources/articledetail.cfm?id=244

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 27/09/2010 00:18

Thta' right OP - two year olds are known for their excellent judgement, restraint and empathy with others. Hmm

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:21

I don't care for the sarcasm, obviously not but it is an age they can learn right from wrong.

OP posts:
Nellykats · 27/09/2010 00:22

they have to learn sooner or later though, don't they, norternlurker? I think the worst is that the parents didn't react at all, sort of making it all ok

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:23

To add, my eldest DD was always doing things like biting and pinching but she DID know it was wrong and was even able to tell us she did it if we asked for example why her sister was crying.

I am not upset that niece bit so much as to the fact that it was not handled appropriately!

OP posts:
Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:24

and that there was a diversion to our reaction

OP posts:
mumof2children · 27/09/2010 00:24

if it is attention seeking, then you may have undone all the parents hard work.

next time just give all the atention to the injured child

Northernlurker · 27/09/2010 00:24

But not enough for it to govern their actions.
Anyway the poor mite knows it was wrong - she had two adults bellowing at her didn't she?
It is upsetting when your child is bitten - all mine have been at one time or another but they aren't maimed for life and this is not your child - you have no business shouting anything at them. As for thinking how they should parent - well it's a wise parent indeed who knows all the answers and never messes up.

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:25

and my youngest who will be 2 in dec is extremely gentle and DOES show empathy to a large degree in fact, if she sees a child crying, she will automatically offer a hug or kiss...small gesture that shows she cares!

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 27/09/2010 00:27

the thing is, you had already in effect told the child off.....at 2yrs of age, no child needs yelling at by two lots of adults, it is overwhelming and unhelpful as they just get scared by the scary adults and don;t get to actually learn that the biting is bad.

you however, as an adult, can have restraint and tell the parents to deal with their child, and then deal with your own, giving them a chance to discpline their daughter instead of screaming at you in the heat of the moment.

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:28

hey Northern...are you my brother or his wife?

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 27/09/2010 00:28

I must say I'm relieved to be neither.

Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:29

and it is funny but the 2 year old niece was not in the slightest bit scared of the shout...just stopped doing it!

OP posts:
Original poster
lecohen · 27/09/2010 00:31

well Northern, I'm thankful to not know you personally or have you in my family either...I iddn't start this thread to have everyone agree and do like the different oerspectives but I do find you very rude!

Maybe you should go to sleep!

OP posts:
MoralDefective · 27/09/2010 00:31

Sorry to disagree but....biting is horrid and hurts and i would shout at another persons child to stop...even if it wasn't my child....you don't need to keep on at the child but shouting isn't always wrong.....agree with PinkieMinx

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