or was i right to let rip at this woman?

[mummysgoingmad]

I went home at the weekend to see my mum. We went to see a family friend, she's very opinionated which is fine i suppose.

Anyway ds (22 months) was running about with his dummy in his mouth which i give him through the day when he's teething, I'd rather him bite his dummy than bite me i was talking about my concerns that ds still isn't talking, pointing or waving. This woman said "well he wont talk if he has his dummy in his mouth all the time" To which i replied he doesn't have his dummy all the time just when he's teething and when he goes to bed. She said "he has his dummy in his mouth all the time"

Now the last time i saw this woman was in may and yes ds did have his dummy then as he was sleeping. I kind of lost it a bit and said how would you know i barely see you, you have seen him twice with his dummy in his mouth and you assume he has it all the time, well your wrong. She then started rattling on about how i'm not strict enough and i should start to think about disaplining him i.e smacking!! ds wasnt even doing anything wrong at the time, he was running up up and down the hallway. This is when i exploded and said yeh that really worked for you considering 3 out of your 5 children dont even speak to you, 1 of said children says your dead to him. My final comment was your not a mother your a dictator and i walked out with ds. When i was little i remember being scared of this woman as she is very intimidating and liked to shout at children for little or no reason (still does)

Now i'm staring to feel a bit guilty about what i said, should i feel guilty or was i right about what i said?

You didn't have to stick the knife in by saying to her what you did about her children.

she thought dictator was a compliment. Pushover would have been an insult.

Yanbu.

of course I suspect the reason you over reaction was because she touched on things, she hit a raw nerve. There are things like the dummy/speech delay which you probably worry about. She could see the connection and you didn't like that.

mummysgoingmad Easily misled? Don't be ridiculous.

"Discipline" is not the same as "belting" and smacking falls somewhere in between. If she said "you need to discipline your son" that is entirely different to her saying "you need to belt your son". Can you not see the differenec? Really?

Agree with ladybiscuit this is an AIBU where you couldn't care less what people actually think. You just want an affirmation that you weren't out of order. Well you were.

I'm outta here too.

My ds (6yrs)still has a dummy . His older sister 10yrs never wanted one. He speaks perfectly and is very articulate. His uncle, my brother, was the same and is a research scientist therefore no link to intelligence. He didn't start speaking until 2 yrs old and incidentally he nolonger uses it!!!! What is the difference between a dummy and a thumb? People get so neurotic about dummies, but they are easier to break the habit with than a thumb which is always present ! IMO it's just a bit of self comforting when they are tired. He is completely aware of other people's reactions to it because he hides it when we have visitors. And no, most of the time it is not in his mouth!
He will decide when he nolonger needs it. It is only an inanimate object after all not a symbol of a developmental disorder!
For your own peace of mind, in future just let your mother's friend have her say and just let it go over your head. Be confident of your own parenting skills. It doesn't make any difference what other people think! I would avoid her if poss. She sounds unpleasant. Life is too short to get into rows with people. There are so many people who have strong opinions ... let them! Opinions are just opinions!

god wat is wrong with you all? yes she might have been a bit OTT but this woman sounds like an opinionated bully and if she was a guest at her mothers house both of them should have been more civil............they were both to blame........but bullys never think they are wrong

{shock]6 years old with a dummy? oh dear

6 years old with a dummy? oh dear

i think 6 is way to old for a dummy imo, they are bad for teeth as is sucking the thumb

If a dummy habit is so easy to break, why does your DS still have one at 6?

YANBU - I would have said exactly the same given the circumstances and the history.

FWIW I had a dummy till I was 5 and It didn't do me any harm.

yikes @ 6 year old with a dummy!

YANBU. She has clearly always been like this if you remember being afraid of her as a child.

Good on you for being the one to finally tell her. Can't stand opinionated people who always think they know better than everyone.

I'm starting to feel like Mystic Meg. I know exactly what side every poster is going to come down on purely on their boardname :o

Has it all got a bit Little Britain around here of late or am I being unkind?

You both sound like a right pair of charmers.

I think there's a lesson to be learned - don't discuss your concerns or worries around people whose opinion you don't want to hear!

I think attacking her and sticking the knife in about her own children was pretty viciously nasty. You have yet to raise 5 children to adulthood.

Only read op. I wouldn't be worried about lack of speech at this age but I would be concerned about the lack of waving/pointing. Have you been referred to anyone op?

Everyone does suddenly become an expert when your child isn't talking - and whatever you do it will be your fault. When ds1 was about this age I was told more or less in the same sentence by the same person that he wasn't talking because I was talking to him too much/n and not talking to him enough. I did tell them they were in no position to armchair analyse my son or me (which pissed them off as they thought they were some sort of professional). I would have quite happy said a whole lot more. (the comments had followed a long rant about how I wasn't behaving as I should with a child who couldn't talk and even that I didn't seem to care. As I was spending half my time in tears about it and had been to the pros and asked for a referral this was a bit much. 10 years later I'm still angry about those comments. Silly cow.

Good luck. Practice your crocodile skin snd count how many times you get some useless bit of advice.

I would get a referral though- waiting lists are long and you can always cancel if you don't need the appointment.

Yep - she said something with little prior knowledge of your child.

You felt judged so in returned you judged her entire mothering.

You couldn't take a few silly comments re dummies so judge your outburst to her against that.

This wasn't a family member who has been on your back and giving you grief for years - this is a family friend of your parents.

Bloody hell. I wouldn't ever want to cross you.

Nothing wrong with his teeth - dentist says they are perfect. It is a habit he will break of his own accord when he is ready! He is completely normal in everyway - dry at night by 3, bright at school, popular - no probs at all. I wonder what the difference is between a teddy bear which is snuffled at night and a dummy? You all seem so paranoid by them! It might cause speech probs in some children and teeth movement in others but not all!! It's just a fashion like breastfeeding versus bottle. WE all know breast is best but bottle still does a good job.

well, i just think on this one it would hve been so so much better to not do what youdid. You have put your Mum in an awkwrd position. You probably feel bad about it too, if you're honest - you know it too.

Her being a nasty piece of work doesn't justify you being one - it does no-one any good.

First of all dont be worried about lack of speech at that age.
If you are concerned about the waving/pointing maybe talk to your HV about it and see what she says.

As for you losing your temper. Everyone does it once in a while.
This woman sounds like she is a nasty piece of work. It was slightly over the top but we've all been there.
She sounds like she wouldnt take an apology very well I would just avoid her from now on.