Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or was i right to let rip at this woman?

246 replies

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 16:06

I went home at the weekend to see my mum. We went to see a family friend, she's very opinionated which is fine i suppose.

Anyway ds (22 months) was running about with his dummy in his mouth which i give him through the day when he's teething, I'd rather him bite his dummy than bite me Grin i was talking about my concerns that ds still isn't talking, pointing or waving. This woman said "well he wont talk if he has his dummy in his mouth all the time" To which i replied he doesn't have his dummy all the time just when he's teething and when he goes to bed. She said "he has his dummy in his mouth all the time"

Now the last time i saw this woman was in may and yes ds did have his dummy then as he was sleeping. I kind of lost it a bit and said how would you know i barely see you, you have seen him twice with his dummy in his mouth and you assume he has it all the time, well your wrong. She then started rattling on about how i'm not strict enough and i should start to think about disaplining him i.e smacking!! ds wasnt even doing anything wrong at the time, he was running up up and down the hallway. This is when i exploded and said yeh that really worked for you considering 3 out of your 5 children dont even speak to you, 1 of said children says your dead to him. My final comment was your not a mother your a dictator and i walked out with ds. When i was little i remember being scared of this woman as she is very intimidating and liked to shout at children for little or no reason (still does)

Now i'm staring to feel a bit guilty about what i said, should i feel guilty or was i right about what i said?

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 23/09/2010 16:29

By the sound of it this older woman wasn't just some old dear offering unwanted advice, but someone who bullied the OP in her own childhood and is used to bullying others. SO it probably did the old cow good to have someone stand up to her for once.

grapeandlemon · 23/09/2010 16:30

YABU Shock

You thought what she said warranted THAT kind of response? Perspective darling......

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 16:30

i will apologise about the ditator part but nothing else, if she had said it in a helpful way then i might of taken on what she was saying, it was the matter of fact manner in which she said it, as if she know what goes on in my household on a day to day basis.
The last time i saw her ds was sleeping and what a roasting i got for letting him sleep through the day. The time before that i was over feeding him, and when he was born i didnt have a clue what i was doing apparently (does anyone with their 1st child?)

Yes it is a sore point as i blame myself constantly for ds not talking, pointing or waving. I try and try and try and nothing seems to work. My mum knows how i feel so i dont she she was too surprised when i lost my temper.

OP posts:
prozacfairy · 23/09/2010 16:31

You overreacted. YANBU to be annoyed at this woman but you didn't need to say/shout all that stuff. However I can understand that if you have had issues with her in the past that your mouth can run away with you. I should know- I've said plenty of stuff I shouldn't have in similar situations.

My nephew barely said a word when he was your DS's age and after his 2nd birthday just started chatting away out of nowhere. My DD was the same: Didn't say much for a while and then said her first full sentence ("I want to get out the buggy and walk NOW Daddy") at 19months and hasn't shut up since. Some children it can be like that. Your DS sounds fine imo.

Sparklyblue · 23/09/2010 16:31

Here here, SolidGoldBrass

Animation · 23/09/2010 16:31

Oh don't worry about - what's good for the goose is good for the gander. She'll think twice next time before she has a go. Why does your family have such an unpleasant and judgemental person as a friend?

Angrylady01 · 23/09/2010 16:33

Good on you! I say x

ChippingIn · 23/09/2010 16:33

YWVU - Chicken summed it up nicely YABU. She was offering a minor parenting criticism, you gave her a character assassination

Way over the top.

Not to mention that it was you who brought up his speach problems and she quite rightly said, having a dummy will not help.

Lizzylou · 23/09/2010 16:34

OK so she has history for making unhelpful remarks, why does your Mother still see her? Why didn't she stick up for you?

VinegarTits · 23/09/2010 16:36

yes i cant understand why your mum would let her critise you as she does, i wouldnt let a friend of mine talk to my children like that

i still think you over-reacted

pinkyp · 23/09/2010 16:36

i think yabu - a normal person would of been annoyed but bit their tounge, like u said everytime she's seen him he has had his dummy, only you'll know if he has it in the rest of the time so she has to make her assumption on what she see's. I think you reacted very ott when it wasnt really needed at all.

Animation · 23/09/2010 16:37

Oh, by the way, how about you tell your mum that you don't want to visit this so called family friend again. Who needs negative people like that in your life when you're trying to bring up children

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 16:38

they have been friends for years lizzy way before i was born in fact. I dont know why she didnt say anything, i asked her when we got home if she thought her friend was right she said of course not, your an excellent mother, i wish i was as good a mum to you as you are to ds i dont have any concerns and if i did you'd know about it. and i left it at that.

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 23/09/2010 16:40

I think you know you over reacted, she did not deserve your rant. She's a busybody but you sounded cruel and heartless. You should have ignored her and then come on here to bitch about her and we would all have agreed it was none of her business!!

Lizzylou · 23/09/2010 16:40

I think I'd have been more mad at your Mother then tbh!
She could do with having a word with her friend.

notobvious · 23/09/2010 16:41

YANBU - she sounds a very nasty piece of work - slight over reaction but quite forgivable in the circumstances. My oldest didn't talk much until he was 3 but then came out with some very complex language all of a sudden, he is at Oxford Uni now, all children are different, don't worry unduly at this stage.

Bathsheba · 23/09/2010 16:41

Way over the top....

Your reaction was completely disproportionate to the crime.

She is somewhat right, if he has a dummy in it may very well affect his speech....and if its there "for teething" then there is a good chance its there a lot....does its use for teething overlap into its use for sleeping meaning its there for a long time...and did that hit a nerve.

heck, maybe she has only seen your DS a couple of times recently, but maybe someone who has seen him more has mentioned it to her....can yo be sure your Mum hasn't been expressing concerns about over-use of a dummy to her...

LadyBiscuit · 23/09/2010 16:41

Blimey you sound like you have a lot of resentment and anger stored up at this woman. Why on earth did you go and see her?

And she's right - having a dummy in your gob most of the time does hamper speech development.

sallyseton · 23/09/2010 16:42

Good god, yabu!

You don't like this woman? Don't see her. Address how she makes you feel. Don't blow up at her in such a personal, nasty way for something so little. You completely overreacted, and while I can understand you're stressed about your ds and have resentment towards this woman, you were seriously in the wrong and owe this woman an apology.

Miasma · 23/09/2010 16:43

You sound really unplesent OP and tbh almost 2 year old shouldn't really be walking around with a dummy in all day.

TotalChaos · 23/09/2010 16:43

I think the evidence is inconclusive as to dummy affecting language development. and the dummy is hardly going to affect waving/pointing...

BarmyArmy · 23/09/2010 16:43

Another disproportionate reaction from a defensive parent that resents her shortcomings being pointed out to her.

How unpleasant.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/09/2010 16:44

YABU..she was a bit out of order but you hit way below the belt with your comments IMO.

pagwatch · 23/09/2010 16:46

Huge, huge over reaction.
Pretty sad actually

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 16:49

he has his dummy on the days where i can see him chewing at his sleeve or his fingers. we have 2 more teeth to go which are both coming in just now. he has sputs where 2 teeth will come in then nothin for a month or 2 then another 2 and so on. I have tried giving him teethers he wont have it, i've gave him his bottle so he can chew on the tit but when the bottle empty he leaves it and trys to bits me, i dont want to keep filling the bottle as he bags himself up and cant eat his lunch and tea.
Its not the dummy nerve she hit i saw it as she was blaming me for ds not talking (which i do myself anyway) then the smacking comment took me over the edge, i mean really who hits a 22 month old, i thought distraction was the key!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread