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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or was i right to let rip at this woman?

246 replies

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 16:06

I went home at the weekend to see my mum. We went to see a family friend, she's very opinionated which is fine i suppose.

Anyway ds (22 months) was running about with his dummy in his mouth which i give him through the day when he's teething, I'd rather him bite his dummy than bite me i was talking about my concerns that ds still isn't talking, pointing or waving. This woman said "well he wont talk if he has his dummy in his mouth all the time" To which i replied he doesn't have his dummy all the time just when he's teething and when he goes to bed. She said "he has his dummy in his mouth all the time"

Now the last time i saw this woman was in may and yes ds did have his dummy then as he was sleeping. I kind of lost it a bit and said how would you know i barely see you, you have seen him twice with his dummy in his mouth and you assume he has it all the time, well your wrong. She then started rattling on about how i'm not strict enough and i should start to think about disaplining him i.e smacking!! ds wasnt even doing anything wrong at the time, he was running up up and down the hallway. This is when i exploded and said yeh that really worked for you considering 3 out of your 5 children dont even speak to you, 1 of said children says your dead to him. My final comment was your not a mother your a dictator and i walked out with ds. When i was little i remember being scared of this woman as she is very intimidating and liked to shout at children for little or no reason (still does)

Now i'm staring to feel a bit guilty about what i said, should i feel guilty or was i right about what i said?

OP posts:

MrsC2010 · 23/09/2010 18:12

I don't know.

ChilledChick2 · 23/09/2010 18:12

mummysgoingmad

YA + YANBU. Many a time I've heard the old saying 'Respect your elders'. It seems like your mums friend expects respect but, doesn't see that she also has to give it (please correct me if I'm wrong).
If, what you said was true, then you don't need to apologise for telling her the truth. So on that basis YANBU. However, YABU for going a bit OTT.

What I realise is that a lot of mums and dads do not like their parenting skills being questioned (I know I didn't) but, we all have to accept that none of us parents are perfect - we just do the best we can given the circumstances at that particular time.

I have looked back to when my kids were babies and found that people questioning things I did for my LO's were actually seeing things that I didn't because I was so wrapped up in that little bubble IYSWIM.

perfumedlife · 23/09/2010 18:13

Fanjo, she brought it on herself. I have a grandma who is an absolout bat. Really mean and twisted. She gives it out, but she also takes it back, because fairs fair.

Don't dish it out if you can't take it back.
If someone suggested it was time i hit/belted my son, I would have said far worse than the op.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/09/2010 18:15

Well, I think one should rise above such things, "giving it back" takes you down to their level.

MadameCastafiore · 23/09/2010 18:15

Sounds like you lost it and really didn't do yourself any favours by saying what you did - if I were you I would apologise and just say she hit a raw nerve in terms of the dummy and speech etc and that you do not hit your children.

You attacked her personally whereas she was questioning your parenting methods which would be different to hers considering you are of a completely different generation.

SHe was wrong but I think anyone watching would have thought you overreacted and got nasty and personal.

perfumedlife · 23/09/2010 18:17

Fanjo, only for as long as it takes to spew their poison right back at 'em.

In the morning, op will be a calm and loving mum, old bat will still be an old bat.

claig · 23/09/2010 18:17

I agree with Fanjo. In fact they want you to give it back, because that's the reaction they want from you. That proves that they upset you. They get pleasure out of that. The best thing to do is not to rise to the bait, that gets them fuming inside, and all their barbs just bounce back off you.

nancydrewrocked · 23/09/2010 18:18

disciplining him turns to smacking him turns to belting him.

AIBU by stealth anyone?

perfumedlife · 23/09/2010 18:18

MadameCastafiore, the op was also attacking the woman's parenting , what is your relationship with your children if not a result of your parenting method?

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 18:20

i can take constructive critism, in regard to the dummy and the bottle i totally understand what you are all saying and i appreciate it, its the comment about he has it all the time when he doesn't, if he did i would hold my hands up and say fair enough your right he does but he doesnt.

OP posts:

SloanyPony · 23/09/2010 18:22

Topcat used to live in a bin, never did him any harm...

LadyBiscuit · 23/09/2010 18:25

I agree with the old bat on the dummy actually. I think 22m is far too old to be wandering around with a dummy in your mouth.

So I'm sure I deserve a complete character assassination

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 18:25

disaplining and smacking were in the original post nancy, i used her exact words later. i doubt it has misled you or make you ask other questions.

OP posts:

juuule · 23/09/2010 18:27

You've got upset a comment that your son has his dummy in all the time (when you know he doesn't - and what does it matter if he had anyway). And this was a comment by someone you hardly ever see (so irrelevant really). Yet you launch into an over the top vitriolic attack? Why?

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 18:36

as its always something with this woman, i'm over feeding him, he sleeps through the day that bad (18 months), i havent a clue what i'm doing and he's at that age now where he could do with a belting (that last little gem was the final straw)

OP posts:

nancydrewrocked · 23/09/2010 18:37

Well you clearly haven't used the exact words becaus you say in your OP that she said "...think about discipling him i.e. smacking him".

Either she said discipline or she said smacking.

Except according to you several posts later when almost everyone was disagreeing with you she actually said beating .

So yes it has misled me.

nancydrewrocked · 23/09/2010 18:37

*sorry belting not beating

kittywise · 23/09/2010 18:38

It still wasn't right to say what you said op.

juuule · 23/09/2010 18:40

"as its always something with this woman,"

You say you only see her occasionally. Why do you let what she says bother you? Ignore her if you think she's talking rubbish.

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 18:43

so ignore her rather than confront her, its not in my nature. If i feel something is wrong i will say so.

OP posts:

juuule · 23/09/2010 18:44

You could still put your view forward if you felt you had to but you don't have to be as nasty about it.

LadyBiscuit · 23/09/2010 18:45

Which is exactly what she did. Can you see the irony in what you just said?

This is another one of those AIBU where you don't really want to hear that you are. Good luck, I'm outta here

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 18:45

wow nancy you are easily misled!

OP posts:

kittywise · 23/09/2010 18:45

fair enough, but you went waaaay to far. it simply was not necessary. You could have handled it, told her you didn't welcome her comments or agree with them without attacking her like that. that was wrong of you.

Original poster

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 18:46

as i have already said lady i could have put it a bit better and not called her a dictator.

OP posts:

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