or was i right to let rip at this woman?

[mummysgoingmad]

I went home at the weekend to see my mum. We went to see a family friend, she's very opinionated which is fine i suppose.

Anyway ds (22 months) was running about with his dummy in his mouth which i give him through the day when he's teething, I'd rather him bite his dummy than bite me i was talking about my concerns that ds still isn't talking, pointing or waving. This woman said "well he wont talk if he has his dummy in his mouth all the time" To which i replied he doesn't have his dummy all the time just when he's teething and when he goes to bed. She said "he has his dummy in his mouth all the time"

Now the last time i saw this woman was in may and yes ds did have his dummy then as he was sleeping. I kind of lost it a bit and said how would you know i barely see you, you have seen him twice with his dummy in his mouth and you assume he has it all the time, well your wrong. She then started rattling on about how i'm not strict enough and i should start to think about disaplining him i.e smacking!! ds wasnt even doing anything wrong at the time, he was running up up and down the hallway. This is when i exploded and said yeh that really worked for you considering 3 out of your 5 children dont even speak to you, 1 of said children says your dead to him. My final comment was your not a mother your a dictator and i walked out with ds. When i was little i remember being scared of this woman as she is very intimidating and liked to shout at children for little or no reason (still does)

Now i'm staring to feel a bit guilty about what i said, should i feel guilty or was i right about what i said?

Mummysgoingmad thought it was ok to him him a bottle before he goes to bed to settle him . Should i stop that?

Fine to have a drink before bed, but should be in a beaker or cup, definitely not a bottle by 22 months. No need to use the face

I think you were OTT....
did she actually say the words "smack him" or did you imagine thats what she meant by disaplining him

no she didnt say smack him she said belt him! which is better?

she actually said he's at that age now where he could do with a belting now and again..not on!

I thought you were wondering if you had been unreasonable, you sound pretty sure that you weren't..or maybe we have helped make up your mind? [smie]

i meant

My mums fed up of her as she has been really nasty to her dp ds, and i mean nasty (do you know your mums a junkie to a 9 year old) My mum thinks she did this as she doesn't like her dp. My mum knows i can stick up for myself which is probably why she didnt get involved.

so you were taken over there so you could give your mother an excuse not to be friends anymore with this person?

well - job done.

My mums fed up of her as she has been really nasty to her dp ds, and i mean nasty (do you know your mums a junkie to a 9 year old) My mum thinks she did this as she doesn't like her dp. My mum knows i can stick up for myself which is probably why she didnt get involved.

so you were taken over there so you could give your mother an excuse not to be friends anymore with this person?

well - job done.

Oh belting is far worse, I read smacking as pretty gentle smacks on the bum, but belting as real hitting, violence.

sorry - don't know why that posted twice.

i think i could have put it a bit better and not called her a dictator, but i dont want to apologise and then she does it again as it will just make me even more angry, i'm not 1 to say nothing when i think someone is out of line and then bitch about it later. If i have something to say then i will say it to your face, i find bitching just cause more arguments and he said she said sort of thing.

I think her comments were uncalled for but I definitely think you have lost the moral highground by biting back the way you did.

This doesn't need to turn into a smacking debate or a debate on dummies etc.

OP, my DD has speech problems. She is 2.6 and has been referred to ENT for trouble with her ears so if you have genuine concerns please see your GP. I was advised that the dummy would not help her. I was when i realised I was letting her have her dummy way too often. So on sunday we got rid completely and she hasn't mentioned it once and she has said 3 new words since ( again)

Don't be embarrased to ask for help/advice, that is what MN is here for :)

she sounds like she is something out of a Charles Dickens novel. I don't think anyone really listens to her advice. Just ignore what she says.

Have only read op, so sorry if you've seen the error of your ways. But you sound like a right bitch. Get a grip of yourself if you haven't already.

I don't think the dictator bit was the bad bit. It was the hurtful stuff about her family not talking to her and her son treating her as if she was dead. That would have hurt her. She is probably proud of being called a dictator in between beltings.

I also agree that 22 months is far too old for a dummy.

but its true claig and she knows it is.

Mrs C - well the first sign of harm can be that you let your parents completely off the hook, minimise the violence, and take the full blame by saying (as a child) you must have done something "truly horrendous". What did you do that was truly horrendou?

Oh, its an AIBU by stealth.

My third post because I feel so outraged on your behalf

You have done nothing wrong. She insulted you, she wanted to criticise your parenting choices, you were a guest in her home, she should have treated you with more respect. And what you said back to her was a statement of fact, that some of her children do not speak to her. It was factual. As for the dictator comment, genius.

Honestly, I think you were marvellous.

yes but that's all the more reason not to say it. She can't really help the fact that she is an old bat, and it doesn't help to remind her of it.

Did you really say all that or did you think it and wish you'd said it.

so it's Ok that the woman will probably be really hurt for ages about this?

cheers perfume!

Oh crikey animation steady on.

I think you're getting a bit carried away now. The vast majority (as in 95%+) of adults I know were smacked as children. I would imagine that is fairly representative of 30 somethings the country over- you are surely not arguing that we are a nation of abused adults are you??