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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or was i right to let rip at this woman?

246 replies

mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 16:06

I went home at the weekend to see my mum. We went to see a family friend, she's very opinionated which is fine i suppose.

Anyway ds (22 months) was running about with his dummy in his mouth which i give him through the day when he's teething, I'd rather him bite his dummy than bite me Grin i was talking about my concerns that ds still isn't talking, pointing or waving. This woman said "well he wont talk if he has his dummy in his mouth all the time" To which i replied he doesn't have his dummy all the time just when he's teething and when he goes to bed. She said "he has his dummy in his mouth all the time"

Now the last time i saw this woman was in may and yes ds did have his dummy then as he was sleeping. I kind of lost it a bit and said how would you know i barely see you, you have seen him twice with his dummy in his mouth and you assume he has it all the time, well your wrong. She then started rattling on about how i'm not strict enough and i should start to think about disaplining him i.e smacking!! ds wasnt even doing anything wrong at the time, he was running up up and down the hallway. This is when i exploded and said yeh that really worked for you considering 3 out of your 5 children dont even speak to you, 1 of said children says your dead to him. My final comment was your not a mother your a dictator and i walked out with ds. When i was little i remember being scared of this woman as she is very intimidating and liked to shout at children for little or no reason (still does)

Now i'm staring to feel a bit guilty about what i said, should i feel guilty or was i right about what i said?

OP posts:
escorchio · 23/09/2010 16:49

My mum has lots of friends who are just like this, and none of them can understand why their children want nothing to do with them, and don't want them anywhere near their own DCs.

I'm wondering now if it is a generational thing. They are just horrible, and really can't see it. I can understand why you'd feel the need to be defensive.

Might be less stressful for you and your mum if you take a deep breath next time, and then scream to MN though.

Good luck - breathing for you Smile

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 16:51

shortcomings?! cheers barmy! so your saying it is my fault ds isnt talking waving or pointing?

OP posts:
Animation · 23/09/2010 16:53

The OP gave a few home truths to a woman who urged her to SMACK her child, namely that it obviously didn't work for HER - 3 of her kids don't speak to her, and that she behaved pretty much like a dictator.

TheBolter · 23/09/2010 16:53

YABU. And very rude and disrespectful. And so not the bigger person that you think you are.

OrmRenewed · 23/09/2010 16:56

Her advice and comments were quite unneccessary and muddle-headed. But that has bugger all to do with what you said to her.

"I don't think I like the colour of your dress and the style doesn't suit you" (rude and unsolicited advice)

"Well I think you are grossly overweight, oh and your family all agree with me" (completely OTT and unacceptable reaction).

Animation · 23/09/2010 16:57

Anyone who told me to SMACK my child would get short shrift.

2shoes · 23/09/2010 16:57

blimey
yabu and so was she .
yikes nice...........not

droves · 23/09/2010 16:58

MGM I think YANBU , in fact i would have done the same.

How dare she tell you to smack your child. Id have smacked her , then asked her if she wanted a dummy ? Grin
Good for you for standing up too her !
So what if you pointed out 3 of her own kids dont speak to her ....its the truth .The truth doesnt hurt if your innocent...Wink

fedupofnamechanging · 23/09/2010 16:59

I don't think that people are automatically entitled to respect just because they are of a certain age. Nasty young people just grow into nasty old people.

Also, people who are very free with their opinions (especially if unasked for) have no business getting upset if other people are free with theirs.

Sounds to me like this woman has had it coming for a number of years

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 17:00

please not i lost it when she told my to smack my ds!

Are you all saying that this is an acceptable thing to say/do?

OP posts:
BlackBess · 23/09/2010 17:00

How is it a shortcoming to give a teething child a dummy? Confused

OrmRenewed · 23/09/2010 17:00

No it isn't acceptable. But there are other ways to say so than being even more offensive and hurtful yourself.

Housewife2010 · 23/09/2010 17:02

YABU. You've put your Mum in an uncomfortable position too. She will know that you got all your info re her children from your Mum. You should wean your child off the dummy too. Longterm dummy use can delay the onset of speech.

Lizzylou · 23/09/2010 17:03

I completely agree with you that she was very rude and insulting, she was. If someone advised me to hit a 22mth old I would think that they were barking though, wouldn't launch a tirade, they would clearly not be worth it.
No more than I lambasted the woman in the Grocers who told me to wipe DS1's (about 4/5mths at the time) with whiskey. Different generation and advice I neither asked for nor entertained.
I think you have history and this was the last straw.
The comments about her children were cruel and you lost the high ground by stooping so low.

Also, and I don't wish to be rude, but wouldn't a sippy cup be better than a bottle?
Sorry, I am being an interfering old bat as well, aren't I?

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 17:04

but evertime i see this woman she has some sort or critisim of my parenting, why shouldn't i point out her massive mistakes?

OP posts:
TheBolter · 23/09/2010 17:04

Oh FGS sake it's not as if she got the slipper out on your child herself. It's what the previous generation did. We may not agree with it but bloody hell, you would think she had suggested something far worse.

The things you said would have been one hell of a lot more painful to bear that a quick pat on the rump.

MmeLindt · 23/09/2010 17:05

She sounds like a very unpleasant person. YANBU for being cross, but you were unreasonable for sinking to her level.

Next time you see her, just ignore her comments and try to stay calm.

Why don't you start a thread about your worries about your DS's speech and development? There are lots of knowledgeable posters on MN who may be able to give you some advice.

2shoes · 23/09/2010 17:05

(by the way ds had a dummy and he had no problems with talking, so don't beat yourself up with that, older people were forever pulling it out of his mouth and then wondering why he cried)

VinegarTits · 23/09/2010 17:05

In your OP you say 'i knd of lost it' after she mentioned the dummy, you over reacted r.e the dummy in the first place i think

LadyBiscuit · 23/09/2010 17:06

Orm is right. She was horrible and rude but you were well out of order. If you were my daughter, I'd be bloody ashamed of you frankly.

VinegarTits · 23/09/2010 17:08

Just because she is a critical old bag doesnt mean you were in the right, you should have been the bigger person and ignored her

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 17:08

he has a sippy cup which he uses daily, i gave him the bottle when his back teeth were coming in so he could get the tit to reach the back. is there anything else i can use? I am trying to wean him off his dummy, i have always said once his teeth are through the dummy goes so not long now.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 23/09/2010 17:11

cheers mmelindt i will. Smile

OP posts:
Sidge · 23/09/2010 17:13

It sounds like you were both as bad as each other.

She was out of order telling you to smack him.

Your response (even if true) was just nasty and unnecessary.

BlackBess · 23/09/2010 17:17

Try a straw. Better for teeth too